Depressed- why try?

Hello there, darkfictionboys!

First of all, I just wanted to let you know that I changed the rating of this poem to 16+, since you said "shit" a lot of stuff. So no worries, okay?

Now, let's get to your poem! The basic theme of your poem is that nothing matters because life is shit and you do all these things for nothing... and you die anyway and so it doesn't matter. Except... you said it in a very repetitious manner which was rather annoying and not very poetic. Which was kind of sad because another poet before you wrote something very similar... in fact, he wrote a whole BOOK of poetry concerning the meaninglessness of life. The book is called "Ecclesiastes" and it's by Solomon. Here's some samples:

“Meaningless! Meaningless!”
says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless.”

What do people gain from all their labors
at which they toil under the sun?
Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.
The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.
The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.
All streams flow into the sea,
yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
there they return again.
All things are wearisome,
more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.
What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.
Is there anything of which one can say,
“Look! This is something new”?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.
No one remembers the former generations,
and even those yet to come
will not be remembered
by those who follow them.

I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my labor,
and this was the reward for all my toil.
Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
nothing was gained under the sun.

Hi there!

I'm not a big fan of the paragraphing you've got there. I think that you can separate it into stanzas and lines to make it look more like a poem.

Also, the poem sounds really, really angsty. It's just as if the narrator's angry at life and feels like complaining to the world. There's nothing wrong with that of course, but, when writing it out as a poem, I think it has to have more of a meaning rather than: I'm depressed, the world's stupid, the people's stupid. I wanna die. A poem has to have more meaning and depth than that, maybe talk about the emotion, a poem can be about emotions and if it's written correctly, then it can be brilliant.

Another thing that made in sound really angsty is probably the frequent use of swear words. Now, I'm personally not a big fan of those, because one, as per said before, it makes it sound angsty and two, it looks like you can't think of a better word to describe it. Surely there must be another better and more descriptive word to describe things rather than swear words right?

Now, having said that, there are some cases which swear words work, when use sparingly. I think that the first two line was pretty good and that's one of the cases which the use of swear word works. The rest... not so much.

To me, the whole poem sound really angsty, I get what you're saying in the poem, but, I think there's a better way to say it. Although, I do also quite like the blatant straightness of this poem. Everything you have to say is out there directly, not saying it in a round about way. So, I have two opinions on this poem and I'm not sure which one's stronger.

Anyway, that's all my thoughts on the poem. Keep writing!

Hello there!

I have a couple little nitpicks here for you.

Life is a miracle. But its also shit. You can try hard as hell to be and do your best, but it doesnt mean shit. This is just humanities fake reality of a world. Your told to suffer and work hard, having to overcome the unreal limitations and rules set by society, but its shit. Sure it matters, but only because your hardwired from birth to give a damn about that worthless shit, because that's what other people force on you. But even if you get a good life, and your rich, or achieve everything and live your dreams, it doesn't fucking matter. That's right. That doesn't amount to one ounce of shit. Do you want to know why? Because no matter what, you're going to die. In the end, even if you overcome everything, you're still dead. Well, that is, unless your a vampire........ But that's another story. Care to hear it? The c.v.

Hi,

You say shit alot. All too relatable. FTW!

Farewell,
A.

Wow. If this is how your feeling, then we have a lot in common. I could relate to this so well...maybe even a little too well...

Great job. Dark and angry, just like I like it )

-Brie♥