Published August 8, 2011
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138,931 Literary Works • 672,331 Reviews
Thanks for the reviews, I really appreciate them.
Desire and ally1212 the first stanza is now changed, and I have also added a stanza, plus the second "infinite" is now gone. Thanks a lot for your help.
To awnser you I would have to say that only the first stanzas need working on I hope that helps you enough!
Soo.. here's my review of this piece!
To begin with.. your title "If my life were a dream" it's supposed to be "was a dream" I believe
At first I thought the structure looked a bit choppy and I didn't think the flow would work, but both rythm and flow did go on fantastically when I started reading so.. eeh, don't know why I even brought that up ^^
Great imagery too... and eeeeeeeeeeeh, yeh. I love the ending! Tied the poem together perfectly.
Overall; This was a quite amazing poem... sweet, cute AND beautiful
Good Luck & Keep Writing
Hello there
I'll do my best to give you the best review possible - hope it helps you out a little bit 
In the 4th line you've used the word "infinite" again... you might want to try a different word like "endless"? The rest of the poem is good - I got the impression that you were explaining what your dreams are capable of doing and there is a type of emphasis on their power... The last two lines are also brilliant! I must say though that I also struggled to get the message of what you were trying to say here so maybe play around with this piece a bit? Hope I could help! xxx
In the first stanza you used the words "As the sun slowly dies," this creates a very sad image and it's your first line so if that's what you're trying to do then it's good but maybe you can use a bit of a euphemism? maybe "As the sun slowly sinks into the welcoming earth"? I enjoyed the 3rd line "the infinite dyes my dreams supply." The word "dyes" is a good description of what a person see when they close their eyes - good imagery
The ending to your poem was good and well writen but the rest was a bit connfusing. Your words didn't seem to flow as they should have and I would have to repeat parts because they were hard to put together. Some words didn't seem to go with the other words they were placed with and I think that was the problem. You might want to change your poem a bit but who am I to tell you what to do.