Hey there, fans! (Okay, maybe that's a bit extreme...) Part of chapter three is here. I will be adding more to this chapter; I kinda got stuck and just wanted to get it published!! Reviews and likes are always appreciated. =)
Faylinn came home from school and dumped her school bags on her bed, turning to go to the kitchen, she was surprised to see her father standing in her doorway. “Oh… Hi, Dad. I didn’t hear you come in. Is something wrong?”
“Faylinn, honey, we need to talk.” Her dad put his arm around her shoulder and led her to her bed, then sat down with her. His touch and attempt at affection made Faylinn’s skin crawl; she knew it wasn’t real.
“What’s up, Dad?”
“Your grandfather—my father—passed away today. His funeral will be next Thursday, a week from now. Do you want to go? I can get you out of school.”
Faylinn froze, but her mind was racing. She’d never met either of her grandfathers. Her mom’s dad had died well before she was born, and she didn’t know why she had never met her paternal grandfather. She had always hoped to, but his death made it final that she would not. “I’m sorry, Dad. Do you want me to go, or would you rather have the time alone?”
“I think I’d like you to be there, Sweetie.” Another shudder from Faylinn. “I’d like you to meet the rest of my family.”
“But why didn’t I ever meet him?”
“Let’s save that for another day, okay? I’m going to tell your brothers. Lief met him once or twice,” he said, rising from the bed and exiting the room.
Faylinn tried to feel sorry for him, and realized that she did.
She wondered what his family would be like, and whether they’d like her or not. She had heard of a cousin, who competed in some national tv series. Will she want to talk to me? Will we become friends? Thoughts whirled in Faylinn’s head as she made herself a baked potato.
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Gravel crunched as the car pulled into a driveway to a park not more than three miles away from where Faylinn lived. Getting out of the van, she was amazed at all of the people. Wow, Grandpa must have been well-liked, she thought. Deciding it best to stick close to her mom, she slowly entered the throng of 100 or so people.
Her father tried to introduce her to several people, but they all were a blur. This person was her dad’s half-cousin, but his dad had divorced her mom, so were they even still related? Finally, they came to Lauren, the cousin she had seen on tv. Once introduced, Lauren seemed content to hang out with Faylinn, Faron, and Ava.
My cousin is famous, and she’s hanging out with me! Faylinn thought excitedly. Eventually, everyone quieted down and the funeral service began. It was a windy day, and the water was noisy, so it was hard to hear. Oma, Faylinn’s great grandmother at age 98, had a quavery voice as she talked about her son.
“Derek was a good son. He wasn’t perfect, by any means. But through his mistakes, I have the priviledge of knowing and being related to all of you.”
Faylinn gaped in amazement. ALL of these people were related—to her? She sat numbly through the rest of the service as people talked about a man she had never known. Finally, everyone started dispersing, most getting on boats. “What’s going on, mom?” she asked.
“We’re all going on a boat across the river, then we’ll walk to the beach. Grandpa Derek wanted his ashes spread in the sea, as his father’s were.”
During the boat ride, an older man sat next to Faylinn and her sisters. Lauren had decided to take another boat with her brother so she could help out with some preparations. Faylinn listened politely to the man, who introduced himself to her as “Your Uncle Justin”. As she listened, she couldn’t help being amazed. He was actually her great uncle, her grandfather’s older brother. He was 79, and the tales he told of his recent adventures astounded her.
“Five years ago, I took my kayak from Florida and went all the way to Maine. It took me a couple of months, but I did it. I also write poetry. Do you like to write?” he asked, allowing Faylinn to speak for the first time.
“Yes, I do. I mostly write poetry and short stories, but I’m trying to write a novel.”
“That’s great. I love seeing young people interested in poetry. So many kids nowadays aren’t; their heads are just full of garbage. That makes for a generation of idiots. I’m glad you aren’t that way.”
Faylinn tried not to laugh at his dignified expression as he said this. People started standing, as the boat had just pulled into the dock on the other side of the river. Faylinn, her sisters, and her uncle Justin all rose and stepped off together. Lauren’s brother, Jeffery, seemed to be in charge. He made an announcement and told everyone to follow the boardwalk to the beach. Lauren joined the girls and Uncle Justin.
“I see you’re starting to meet some of your kin,” Lauren whispered. “Uncle Justin is amazing. I can introduce you to some others, if you’d like.”
Ava shook her head, awed just to be talking to Lauren. “I’d rather stay with you,” she whispered back.
“Well, I do have some responsibilities, but I’ll spend my free time with you three. When I’m busy, though, you can stick with Uncle Justin.”
He seemed not to hear, as his pace was swifter and surer than theirs. [i]This guy IS amazing. He’s ancient, yet he’s in better shape than I am.[/i] Faylinn thought. Determined to keep up, she and Faron exchanged a glance and tried to hurry in order to keep up with him.
Note: I will be adding more to this chapter; I just wanted to get it published!!
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Hi! It's Aravis, here to review! By the way... Happy review day!
I like the complex emotions of Faylinn. She seems very relatable, like an average teenager. Also her experiences make her relatable. Most people have been in those awkward situations of meeting sort of relatives. I know I have!
So, I'll start with the good stuff! I haven't read the rest so I will try not to ask annoying questions.
Now for the friendly critiques. This is a nit pick, but I would go back and read your story out loud. Every spot you put a comma is a pause. I'm sure you know that. But many of your commas were awkward and unnecessary.
Also, I'm not really sure where your plot is going. It seems to drag a bit. More descriptions would help that. What does Lauren look like? Matter of fact, what does everyone look like? How about smells? Try to use all five of your senses (maybe not taste as much)
Keep it up! Finishing a story is one of the greatest feelings in the world!
I did notice that I haven't really described anyone and no one had said anything about it!! I've often been told that I have a problem with commas; I just love them, I guess. :3
Thank you for your review!
Happy Smilers here to review!
This is my first review, so sorry if it is not to good!
Hi there, first of this is very well written. I love how you have had the book start from square one and work it's way up. In chapter one and chapter two you start of by just meeting Faylinns imitate family, and as I read I see how you have gradually pulled in the emotional side of that family. In this chapter, I like how you are now pulling in more of Faylinns distant relatives, and there back round. It as though you are starting of this story with a real solid foundation. I am very much enjoying your main character Faylinn. She is a very loving a sweet character.
Thank you for the review! (That was a LOT better than my first review! XD)
Your welcome!