Published December 19, 2006
butterflies
I want to be the girl in dusty victorian blues,
sitting lonely on the fence, dreaming music,
wanting you.
There are things I remember that I am afraid
to forget, landscapes and smiles and brief strands of
thought between us,
days when I wandered ghostlike and somehow
you found me, moments I thought you loved me,
I thought I loved you—
I am being eaten from the inside by
thousands of hungry butterflies. I feel
a little hollow,
but I don't miss you.
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141,299 Literary Works • 674,334 Reviews
I also enjoyed this and agree witht he imagery of butterflies, its actually a sweet little poem. You are a little poetry chick you are. I like most of your stuff lol.
Keep at it.
I really enjoyed reading this poem, it's origional yet reminiscent of classic poems from the past. The only part which I have any issue is
"I am being eaten from the inside by
thousands of hungry butterflies."
While I understand and appreciate the message I somehow feel that there is something clumsey about the phrasing but thats just my opinion. Overall a very intriguing poem.
I like it...as do alot of others. I can even hear the tune your lyrics are for. It's sweet. Well done.
~Chibi
Whatever inspired you to write this piece...catch that and keep it as a muse.
This is like masterpiece and it paints itself as I read it. This is a very pretty piece.
Some of the line breaks upset the flow. Other than that, I'm awed by it.
This is so incredible because butterflies are so commonly associated with a happy feeling from the inside. But you flip it into something else.
This is poetry.
As always,
Miss POKE
Wow. The images in this poem are absolutely beautiful, they took my breath away. This has a very sad, whistful tone without being totally depressing; I like that. I had a hard time really understanding this poem, but I rarely understand poems that are about relationships.
Honestly, I don't think this poem needs improvement. It flows well, has unique, lovely images, and it's very original. This is the first poem I've read that talks about hungry flesh-eating butterflies.I LOVE the first and fourth stanzas especially.
Kudos.
For the first time in quite a long time, I can sincerely say that I have no real critique for you. This was beautiful -- definitely on my Top Ten Poems of YWS list, that's for sure.
One thing I did notice which bothered me was the line breaks in the second stanza, particularly at "afraid" -- it felt a wee bit stilted, so you might want to do some fiddling there.
Otherwise, my congratulations on a lovely piece. I will certainly look forward to seeing some more of your work.
Regards,
~bubbles