*This is a story where I write about how Lenore from the poem “Lenore” by Gottfried August Bürger felt when she fell to the grave. This is under my folder titled “Stuff based off gothic literature”. I tagged this under fanfiction because it’s based off another piece of literature. Gacha Club character designs are under my folder titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy and Happy Halloween season!*
Lenore jumped off the horse and lay right next to William in the coffin. The spirits continued to dance and chant that she was not to “quarrel with God” but she couldn’t care any less.
As the dirt began to cover her up and her skin began to fade, she was overcome with an overwhelming ecstasy that she thought would make her bleed.
Finally, finally, Lenore could rest with William! He would never leave her side, and they would traverse the Underworld together!
She would get to rest forever.
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I do really like the concept of writing a story inspired by a poem - and you chose a very interesting one to base your story off of. Would love to see fuller development than just a couple sentences, I think you could really develop this into something interesting. The story itself in the poem Lenore has so many great elements to work with, you might even consider just doing a modern retelling of it. As-is you could incorporate a lot more elements of the poem into this... like the horse-rider "Death" and the handkerchief, or even the husband's military service.
I think there are a few points of narrative tension in here for me.
1) Why are the spirits telling her not to "quarrel" if her attitude is now "doesn't care" - that transition of emotions doesn't quite fit to me - and I think it'd fit more if the spirits were upset about her disturbing the grave or even her "not caring"
2) Who is covering the grave? Why don't they notice her?
3) Why does the "ecstasy" of being reunited with William cause her to think she is going to bleed? Seems like a very unnatural reaction. Is it the weight of the dirt or just a creepy detail? I feel like it's mis-match of reactions.
4) The main tension of the poem and this piece seems to be that Lenore wants to be reunited with William - the final line being about "resting" feels like it doesn't quite hit that. The hope was not that she could find rest, or that she was tired, but that she and he could be reunited.
5) did she fall or jump into the grave? Just curious about the title with this question.
Would love to see an expansion re-write where you start from the beginning of the poem and go through the whole story written in your style, there's a lot there to explore.
alliyah
She falls to his grave.
Thx for reading!
I like the idea of a fanfic abt a poem. So let’s go.
Hm my first thought is that this seems a recurring thing now. I remember Perdita. I remember her well.
Hui and just the thought of her being exctatic abt being buried alive @.@ I like how her obsession comes through so well in this piece. And no thoughts are given abt the fact that this is gonna be a verry long and drawn out process. I don’t get the feeling she quite knows what she signed off on here.
The poem I based this off of is a veryyy old poem, from the past. I liked it so I wrote this story.
Thx for reading!