*This story is underneath my folder titled “A monster at the end of the road”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1245. Now, the only reason I made the holiday “Veteran’s Day” is because I wanted a holiday in this story that wasn’t used before. 💀 I might just delete that detail because I feel like it has no significance to the story at all. But! Tell me what you think and as always, enjoy!*
Introduction
Cyprian asked far too many questions and still, he got no answers.
Well, he did get an answer eventually.
But it was already too late.
Chapter One
It was early in the morning, fading sunlight slivering through his window shades. Cyprian didn’t want to get up, not at the moment. It was far too early, only mooded pink sunrise welcomed the world.
It wasn’t bright enough.
“Come out, Cyprian. We’re going for a drive.” Mom said from behind the door.
A drive? But why?
“Are we going anywhere fun?” Cyprian asked. If it was a drive they would do, then he had to make sure that it wouldn’t be too boring.
“Of course!” Mom said brightly.
Cyprian listened to the sounds of Mom walking away, leaving him to his thoughts. It had occurred to him that it was Veterans Day, which meant that he didn’t have to go to school!
He pushed the covers off his bed, suddenly energized at the thought of not having to do any schoolwork.
Chapter Two
A FEW HOURS LATER
Cyprian sat in the car, watching the trees blur in the outside window. Mom gave him blueberry pancakes for breakfast and said that he was going to a garden.
In gardens, there were fairies. The fairies were waiting for him! He had to say hello to them! He had to!
Chapter Three
They drove into a parking lot, but not a soul was in sight. Whenever his parents took him places, there were always people around.
There was nobody. Where were they? Did something bad happen to them? Were they hurt? Were-
No. His parents told Cyprian that other people were not of his concern, that he shouldn’t worry too much about them.
They just decided not to come. That was all.
There was nothing to be upset about.
Chapter Four
Mom opened his car door, Cyprian stepped outside.
“Feel that breeze? That’s fresh air. Good, clean air.” Mom said.
Yes, he felt the breeze. But it was cold, far too cold. Wasn’t it supposed to be bleeding cold in the Winter?
Something wasn’t right…
Chapter Five
They walked into the garden, blooming flowers of bright colors with rain drops in their petals snaking out of the brown, rough dirt.
“Aren’t there supposed to be more people?” Cyprian asked. He couldn’t take it anymore, the silence. The only time it had been completely was at his Great-Uncle’s funeral. Even though Cyprian never knew him, it didn’t make the quiet less heavy.
“I guess they’re not here.” Mom said, shrugging. Why was she shrugging? Wasn’t she supposed to know everything?
“Then what’s that?” Cyprian asked, pointing to the black shadow in the distance. It twitched, like it wanted to attack.
Did it want to attack? Cyprian hoped not, because he did not want the hulking claws to break apart his feeble, young, fresh organs…
Chapter Six
Mom took his hand and ran off to the car, looking back at the shadow in fear.
But why was she afraid? It was just a shadow, it wouldn’t hurt them.
Cyprian waved back, to let it know that they were friendly, even though Mom wanted them to run away.
Chapter Seven
ON THE ROAD
Mom said to run away from shadow people as she took him to the car. They were on the road, driving back home.
The shadow figure was outside his window, reaching out to Cyprian. Its white eyes were filled with tears, it seemed to be crying.
Cyprian pressed his hands to the glass and smiled at the shadow, in an attempt to make it feel better.
The shadow’s mouth briefly twitched into a grin before turning into a sobbing one.
Chapter Eight
“Mom, the shadow seems nice. Why can’t we let it in?” Cyprian asked.
“It’s not in a good state of mind.” Mom said.
As the shadow faded away into dark dust, like encroaching smoke clouds, Cyprian pondered what that meant.
The shadow was alright to him.
Chapter Nine
Cyprian was back in Maueve Gardens, except Mom wasn’t with him.
Dad was standing in the distance.
The wind pulled Cyprian to Dad, until they were face to face.
Cyprian floated on the ground, staring up at Dad.
He looked normal, except that he was screaming soundless screams. A thick, black cloud spewed out of his mouth.
Cyprian couldn’t move. Couldn’t help. Couldn’t do anything.
Everything was in darkness.
Chapter Ten
Cyprian opened his eyes. He found himself in the car, on a road with trees on either side.
Mom was driving. To where, he did not know.
Was it really all a dream? The shadow wasn’t real?
Something inside him told Cyprian that there was truth to the dream.
Chapter Eleven
“What was that, Mommy? Was what that monster?” Cyprian asked. It didn’t seem like such, but Mommy would tell him so. Then he would decide if she sounded right or not. That was how it worked for him.
“It was a demon, Cyprian. It didn’t mean to hurt us, but it will if we stay. We have to keep away.” Mommy said.
Keep away? But the shadow needed help! The shadow was scared!
“But why?” Cyprian asked.
Because truly, why did they have to stay away?
Chapter Twelve
“I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to say it: That shadow is your father. That shadow is trying to kill us so we can be together.” Mommy said.
The shadow flickered outside Cyprian’s window, like a dying light.
“What?!” Cyprian asked. He knew that the shadow was frightened, that the shadow wanted a hug, but that it was his father?!
He was being lied to before?!
Chapter Thirteen
“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you before, it just slipped. We’ll get groceries now and it will be fine.” Mommy said.
Groceries?! Groceries?! They were being chased by Daddy and Mommy wanted to get groceries?!
Why?!
Chapter Fourteen
“It will only be for a few minutes! Everything will be okay, I promise!” Mommy said.
Daddy was flickering in and out. The ride seemed as though it would never end. If it did, it would be to Hell.
Would anything be okay?
Chapter Fifteen
“Hey Mom-“
Cyprian’s voice was cut off by the car crashing into him, the machinery breaking his vocal cords, destroying the humans in the car.
Blood pooled from the vehicle.
Chapter Sixteen
There was smoke all around Cyprian. Mommy and Daddy were talking, but he couldn’t see them.
He ran towards their voices, yearning for their embrace, to be swept away from the chaos.
All Cyprian wanted was his parents.
Chapter Seventeen
“Mommy! Daddy! You’re here! You’re here!” Cyprian said happily as he embraced his parents.
The fire was beginning to clear, revealing the wreckage of their bodies and the car, but at least he was with his parents.
That made everything okay.
Chapter Eighteen
“Wynter? Do you want to make him pay? Do you?” Mommy asked.
“Let’s not talk about this in front of Cyprian, okay?” Daddy asked.
“What do you mean?” Cyprian asked. Were they keeping secrets from him?
Chapter Nineteen
“Nothing, sweetie. It’s adult stuff.” Mommy said.
As the three of them ascended to Heaven, holding each other tenderly, in a group hug, Cyprian couldn’t help but think how silly Mommy’s words were. They were all dead. He was allowed to know what was going on.
Chapter Twenty
“What is it? What are you guys talking about?” Cyprian asked. They had made it to the flower field of Heaven, all three of them.
“It’s nothing! Don’t worry about it.” Mommy said.
“But-“
“You heard your mother. Don’t talk about it.”
Why wouldn’t anybody tell him anything?
Epilogue
Cyprian ran through the flower fields of Heaven, trying his best not to think too hard. No one would tell him anything, no one would give the truth.
But perhaps that was best. Right?
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*The folder this is under is actually “A creature at the end of the road”. My bad!
Wanted to read the other related story too so here I am ^^
bc it kinda sounds like he’s not that enthused, at least from his narration? While I got the impression that he’s eager and ready from Wanette’s story.I have 0 connection to Veterans Day so my opinion is: you might as well use it for your holiday. It doesn’t really have to be plot-significant when the only relevance it has is that you need Cyprian to have an off-day at school, right?
But if you want to have the holiday mean something, maybe you could go with Father’s Day? At least for us, that’s a holiday XD
I like how the intro clearly foreshadows where all this is going. Poor kid. If only ppl would have told him sooner…
Hm what do you mean by “mooded pink sunrise”?
Oh you might have wanted to add a tonal indicator in Wanette’s story for this one here:
Could ofc be that she’s just misinterpreting his mood?
“pointing to the black shadow in the distance.”
Since that’s the first time in his story that the Shadow is mentioned, it’s better to actually describe what he sees. He’s been complaining abt no one being there, so the shadow should have drawn his attention even before he mentioned it to his mom, right?
Hmmm I wonder “his feeble, young, fresh organs…” if a 4 yrs old would use these adjectives?
“The shadow’s mouth briefly twitched into a grin before turning into a sobbing one.”
Ah that makes sense. So the shadow DID follow them but it was confusingly-written in Wanette’s POV. Still if you spread them out over three different versions of the same event, you have to be prepared to do a lot of repetition just because they are technically three different stories. So yes, even if the other version describes what happened in more detail, all versions should be easily comprehensible. Bc what if someone takes a break before talking the other POVs? =D
That said, I love the description here, with Cyprian seeing that the Shadow tries to smile too but realizes that it/he cannot stop itself/himself from becoming the thing that will kill his family.
I also like that he recognizes that the shadow is “alright” to him. Basically, recognizing his father without understanding truly what he is seeing :3
“Cyprian floated on the ground, staring up at Dad.“ He… floats?
“Mom was driving. To where, he did not know.” I’m a little lost. I thought he knew they were driving home. But I guess he just said that this was the road home… so maybe he doesn’t recognize this part?
Oh my. I don’t know what to think abt the implication that Cyprian will potentially be a child forever, in heaven…
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I think the floating part was when he died. They were initially going home but then Wanette just focused on trying to get away.
Thx for reading and advice!
I think the floating part was when he died. They were initially going home but then Wanette just focused on trying to get away.
Thx for reading and advice!
Any time
And if you have any questions, let me know!
Hey there again creeper! Few thoughts --
So I really like the premise / suspense / drama of the story at the beginning how the characters are chased by the demonic shadowy being but then it's found out that the shadowy thing is actually the character's father! That's a great twist that builds interest and was definitely surprising. I really love that trope of the monster being someone close to the person being terrorized as it has a lot of connections I think to our real lives!
I have to say I found it totally bizarre when in the middle of all this suspense and conflict and horror and confusion, the mother is just like "let's go grocery shopping now" (I guess that's a classic mom move maybe?) but the moment did seem quite unbelievable and took me out of the story for sure. I think it'd be more believable for them to maybe go on a drive to remember the father or to talk about memories or visit his grave or something? Grocery shopping seems way too casual for when you are getting chased by your dead husband! I know the character in the story was confused too, but I do think that is almost so bizarre that I would probably consider changing that detail.
The car wreck was heartbreaking to read for sure, you could extend that scene a bit more for emotional impact? It's a major plot point but feels like it flashes by without much time to dwell on it.
The heavenly depiction is quite uncomfortable as I don't think that would be what most religions / faith / people would portray as heavenly with the secrets and such being kept - maybe a word other than "heaven" would be more fitting, like purgatory or land of the undead or something?
The story I have to say ends on an eerie but unsatisfying note as the reader and the main character are not given answers to the main questions of the story - as the character resolves to stop asking questions and just live in the dark. The ending didn't feel creepy or unsettling, just a bit anticlimactic to me. I did appreciate that this one was a whole sweep of the story though and even though it was an anti-resolution, at least the conflict did wrap to a close at the end.
Have a great day!
alliyah
I made these stories about his parents:
Wanette’s story
Wynter’s story