*This story is underneath my folder titled “A creature at the end of the road”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1350. Veterans Day has no significance in this story, I just wanted to put a holiday in that wasn’t used before. I’m thinking of deleting that part. Anyway, enjoy!*
Introduction
Wanette opened her eyes to the bright sun that was shining in through the pink cotton curtains on her window. Her husband, Wynter, was out at work. Her son, Cyprian, had a day off school, for it was Veterans Day.
Wanette smiled to herself. It would be the perfect day to take Cyprian out in the neighborhood, show him sights that they normally didn’t have time to see.
It would be perfect.
Chapter One
A FEW MINUTES LATER
Wanette knocked on Cyprian’s door, excited to take him out.
“Come out, Cyprian. We’re going for a drive.” Wanette said.
“Are we going anywhere fun?” Cyprian asked eagerly.
“Of course!”
Wanette left then to make breakfast, for she knew that Cyprian would come downstairs with joy and spirit in his eyes.
Chapter Two
“I’m ready, Mommy!” Cyprian said, running down the stairs.
Wanette smiled as she set the pancakes on a ceramic white plate. She had just finished making his breakfast. Cyprian was right on time.
“Go eat your breakfast first, honey.” Wanette said when Cyprian had made it to the kitchen.
“Okay!” He said brightly, taking the plate.
Wanette always loved his enthusiasm. The world was full of sad, lost people. More souls like Cyprian were needed to overcome the sorrowful energy of Earth and its inhabitants.
Chapter Three
ON THE ROAD
“Where are we going?” Cyprian asked. They were on the road, a good breakfast already eaten.
“Well, first we’re going to the Mauve Gardens.” Wanette said. She always wanted to see the dew-dropped roses up close.
“Is that where all of the pretty flowers are?” Cyprian asked.
Wanette nodded.
“Yay!” Cyprian squealed, throwing his hands up in the air. Oh, how Wanette wanted him to stay young forever!
Chapter Four
They had been driving for a while, but they finally made it to Mauve Gardens. Not a single car was parked, which was strange, because the place was usually packed, especially on a holiday.
Nevertheless, Wanette decided to stay. Wouldn’t it be nicer without all of the people?
Chapter Five
IN THE GARDEN
Wanette and Cyprian walked on the dirt path, surrounded by teeming rainbow flowers. It was eerily quiet, save for the chirps of birds.
“Aren’t there supposed to be more people?” Cyprian asked. They had never been in a completely quiet place, there was always people around.
“I guess they’re not here.” Wanette said, shrugging.
“Then what’s that?” Cyprian asked, pointing to…
A human shaped black shadow standing in the distance.
Chapter Six
“I don’t know, but I think that we should get back home.” Wanette said, taking hold of Cyprian’s hand and running away. He ran with her, but still, he asked:
“Why?”
Bless his poor soul, he wanted to know why they were running from an ominous shadow at the end of the path!
“Because no one ever sticks around when there’s a shadow present! Now, let’s go!” Wanette cried out, heart beating rapidly and raggedly in her chest, hoping beyond hope that the shadow wouldn’t catch up.
Chapter Seven
ON THE ROAD
Wanette drove Cyprian down the road, back to the safety of their house. She thought that the curse was done, that Wynter wasn’t going to change ever again.
But no, was the curse ever done? True love did little to heal the wounds of evil, he needed more help to be human.
Wanette loved him, though…
Chapter Eight
FLASHBACK
Wanette and Wynter were having milkshakes at the ice cream parlor. It was their first date and goodness, was he sweet. He asked her questions, he spoke softly. He was so, so sweet.
But his eyes…sometimes they looked pale white in the lights. Wanette told him, he said it was just the lighting.
His fingers, too. They looked night black underneath the light, like snaking claws.
Again, only the lighting. Wanette decided not to ask any further, because it was going so well.
Chapter Nine
“What was that, Mommy? Was what that monster?” Cyprian asked.
“It was a demon, Cyprian. It didn’t mean to hurt us, but it will if we stay. We have to keep away.” Wanette said. The road seemed as though it had an edge, but she could make it. They could both make it back home in time.
“But why?” Cyprian asked, ever so curious.
Chapter Ten
FLASHBACK
Wanette and Wynter walked down the dirt path, trees lining their way. It was after they went to the ice cream parlor. Wynter kept his hands in his pockets, head down.
“Wynter? Is anything wrong?” Wanette asked.
Wynter ran off the path and into the trees.
“Wynter, wait!” Wanette called out, chasing after him.
A soft cry escaped from the bushes, a young boy’s voice.
“Wynter?” Wanette asked, feeling cold air grip at her heart and lungs.
Chapter Eleven
“It will kill us if we stay, we have to leave.” Wanette said.
Cyprian’s eyes got slightly larger, what was he seeing?
Oh, it was that. The shadow at the end of the road.
Chapter Twelve
FLASHBACK
What lurked behind the bushes was not Wynter, but a crouching, black shadow, eyes wide and white.
It grinned at Wanette with a blinding white smile before jumping from the ground and running away, into the night.
“Wait!” Wanette called out, chasing after it.
Chapter Thirteen
FLASHBACK
Wanette followed the shadow through the park, the moonlight being the only source of light.
It wouldn’t stop running. In fact, it only got faster.
But Wanette wanted to know what it was, so she kept chasing it until it stopped.
Wanette walked closer to the shadow. It flinched, as though it did not want her near it.
Wanette thought back to the diner. Wynter’s eyes were pale, his fingers were coal black. She had dismissed it before, but…what if he was turning into a monster?
What if the shadow was Wynter?
“Wynter?” Wanette asked, just to be sure.
The shadow nodded.
So it was Wynter. It really was him.
Chapter Fourteen
“I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to say it: That shadow is your father. That shadow is trying to kill us so we can be together.” Wanette said.
The shadow faded away into nothingness. They were safe for a moment, but she knew that it would come back.
“What?!” Cyprian asked, wide-eyed with surprise.
Chapter Fifteen
FLASHBACK
“What’s going on? Wynter, why are you like this?” Wanette asked. She wasn’t frightened, not yet at least.
“C-c-curse s-s-stay away!” Wynter stuttered. His voice sounded human, but hiss-like.
“You were cursed?” Wanette asked.
Wynter nodded vigorously.
“S-s-stay a-a-away!” Wynter cried out. His eyes were full of fear, he shook violently.
“You can’t get rid of me that easily.” Wanette said with a warm smile.
“Actually, he can!” A man’s voice boomed.
Chapter Sixteen
FLASHBACK
Wanette turned around. Standing behind them was a man dressed in a crisp white suit, grinning from ear to ear.
“That’s my experiment. You’re to stay sixty feet away from it.” The man said, still grinning.
“Or what?” Wanette asked. How on Earth could he call Wynter an experiment? How on Earth could he hurt Wynter at all?
He had no authority over the boy.
Chapter Seventeen
FLASHBACK
“Or I’ll make him attack you. Go on, Shadowed Spider, eat her!” The man yelled.
Wynter whimpered like a hurt dog and backed away slowly. Wanette reached out, but he pulled further.
He ran off.
“You’re lucky this time, little girl.” The man said.
Wanette whipped her head around to face him and said:
“Don’t call me-“
But like Wynter, he was gone.
Chapter Eighteen
“He didn’t want to be a monster, but he had no choice. Somebody bad made him that way. Now he wants to kill us so our ghosts will be together.” Wanette said.
She couldn’t believe that she was telling her four year old all of it, but she had to. Sometimes, little kids had to learn of the grim world they lived in to survive.
“He didn’t want to be a monster?” Cyprian asked quietly.
“No, he did not.” Wanette replied.
Cyprian sighed in relief. He must have been worried that Wynter was a horrible person, that he wanted to hurt others.
But no, it was a curse.
The curse of Wynter’s father.
Chapter Nineteen
FLASHBACK
“Why are you still with me?” Wynter asked. It was a few days after the incident. Wanette and Wynter were at a movie theater for another date. The movie had not shown yet and the buzz of a million conversations swirled around them.
“Because I love you.” Wanette said, interlocking her hand with Wynter’s. It wasn’t the time for him to become a monster, for the night was not present.
“But what if I hurt you?” Wynter asked, worry in his eyes.
“You won’t.” Wanette said, placing a kiss on his cheek. It was cute, seeing him blush.
He deserved all the love in the world.
Chapter Twenty
“Hey Mom-“ Cyprian asked.
His voice was cut off by the car crashing into Wynter, his dark essence swallowing them both, Wanette’s eyes filled with tears.
Why, oh why, did it have to happen at all?
Epilogue
Wynter, Wanette, and Cyprian all “lived” together in the afterlife, Wynter battling his monster side, Cyprian looking at the world with tear-stained eyes, and Wanette asking herself: Why?
Together, they make an energy of confusion and sorrow, hoping to find happiness somewhere in the world.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Good morning ^^
I was wondering where this would be going since the beginning was a little slow and then you hit me with this: “The world was full of sad, lost people. More souls like Cyprian were needed to overcome the sorrowful energy of Earth and its inhabitants.“
First of all, I ofc like it that Cyprian is a ray of sunshine; hard agree with his mom here.
Second of all: Are they aliens??? INTRIGUED!
(I still think some descriptions of what your characters look like would go a long way, if you integrate them with what your characters are doing ;3)
I also have a question: why are you calling these…. Snippets “chapters”? Especially that Ch4 is super short.
That said it also has this redflag of a line xd “Nevertheless, Wanette decided to stay. Wouldn’t it be nicer without all of the people?“
Oh yes, stay in the abandoned lot in one of creeper’s stories. I bet only good things will come of this….
(Tho in any other situation I would agree with her: strange/unusual but whatever)
Remember the dash ^^ “A human-shaped black shadow “
“ no one ever sticks around when there’s a shadow present!” Ohh shadows are regular occurrences. I like how you just have this casually mentioned (well not casually, it’s ofc a highstakes sit but more in the “no need to explain this”. I like this)
I also like this “But no, was the curse ever done? True love did little to heal the wounds of evil, he needed more help to be human.“ I like the idea of “yes, true love was the first step but recovery takes much longer and more work”
Ok I am a bit confused abt the logistics here: “Oh, it was that. The shadow at the end of the road.“
Is this the same shadow? I thought they are back in the car so how is he still seeing it? And if this shadow either followed them and is now in their path or if this is a new shadow that appeared on the road… why is Wanette so casual? I feel like an explanation or a bigger reaction would be more appropriate here? (An explanation on where that Shadow came from)
(I like that instead of attacking in the flashback, Wynter rather ran away from Wanette! I feel like this is a character note!)
Ahhh:
Idk if she should have phrased it like this even if it is the truth??? Like, why not stop at “The shadow is your father, he’s not in his right mind right now but things will be ok”???
Awww: “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
And Ahhhh: Who is this??? I need to know!
Hmmm six feet when he’s a Shadow? But when he is “human”, he’s fine at any distance right?
Also I like the name Shadowed Spider.
Hmmm I wonder if their confusion and sorrow, mentioned in the epilogue, is serving as the power source for yet another evil experiment?
I’m a bit sad that the story went from flashback “you would never hurt me” (a great line!) to “nvm, here in the present, we’re eating Wanette and Cyprian” with no reflection on Wanette’s part. Yes she asks herself “why” but I wish there was more. Especially in what it means to her that she was wrong, in the end?
Join the fight! Write more reviews!
So I just joined and this is the first work I'm reviewing and honestly I enjoyed it a lot. It was very fun to read and the end really caught me off guard hahah. The only thing I would do differently if I wrote this is try to combine some of the chapters. Of course some people enjoy shorter chapters and it can make a story easier to read because you get little "check points", but I would probably have made chapter 15-17 into one or maybe two chapters, same with 1 and 2. I would also really have enjoyed to read more about their time in the mauve garden to build the atmosphere before they see the shadow. Other than that it was great, I really liked the characters and the story itself