*This fanfic is underneath my folder titled “Jennifer’s body [the movie fanfics]”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. So I saw the horror movie “Jennifer’s body” and I really like it, but I felt bad for Jennifer and Anita (Anita is called “Needy” in the movie). So basically this fanfic is if they ran from the Low Shoulder rock band (evil rock band). I understand that we’d literally have no movie if Jennifer wasn’t captured by Low Shoulder, but this is taking a somewhat different direction from the original movie. I might add more fanfics, but I don’t know. Oh yeah and Jennifer and Anita are friends, childhood best friends. Anyway, enjoy!*
Anita held onto Jennifer, running away from the flames. She wouldn’t let her go, not even for one second.
“Needy…please…Low Shoulder said that they…they…” Jennifer’s words were lost, her eyes staring far off into the distance.
“We are not going anywhere near them, you hear me? I’m taking you home.” Anita said.
Her strength was diminishing, but they were getting farther from the bar. All she needed to do was keep going.
“Needy, don’t be such a buzzkill!” Jennifer argued, trying to break away from her, but Anita held on.
Only one step farther…
“Hey, you need a ride?” A voice asked.
Anita’s blood went cold. It was Nikolai, the lead singer of Low Shoulder.
“I-“
Anita picked up Jennifer and ran for their lives, Jennifer arguing with her as she did so.
No, no, no! They had to get away!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Another movie I wish I'd have watched. Here goes!
I really like the beginning and how Anita clings to her friend. Like the description! I'm a bit confused... Is Jennifer drugged here? Her eyes stare into the distance and she's not putting up much resistance...
Oh no, I really felt the dread settle in when Anita realises just who pulled up next to them!
She%u2019s not. She%u2019s in a sort of daze after the fire.
The movie is a bit gory but it%u2019s sooo good!!
Omg.
Okay, so this is a really cool scene and I love that Anita rescues Jennifer from an obviously dire situation. Yes, Jennifer may have been captured in the movie you watched, but I also love that her best friend saves the day... hooray!
Anyway, a couple of thoughts...
in the beginning, I would probably explain why there are flames in the distance. It's not clear to anyone who hasn't seen the movie why there are flames, so an explanation -- even a brief one! -- would be really helpful and set the tone for this piece and give us a reason to root even more for these girls.
I also wish you described the characters more! While the dialogue, which is quite nice, gives us a good feeling of how the characters are feeling, I think having descriptions might help us place them more so that we can get a better feeling of setting and ground us more in the physical world. So, is Jennifer stammering because she's in shock or is she hurt or is she surprised? If her appearance gives us clues as to what might be happening, that would be absolutely invaluable!
Also... I would loooooove it if you described the lead singer of Low Shoulder when he approaches them. I have an image in my head, so your dialogue does carry a lot, but it would punch harder if you gave us a physical description along with it.
And ahhhhhh. A cliffhanger ending! I would love to see them as they get away, because I'm not entirely certain Nikolai would leave them be.
Anyway, cool story!
Thanks!!