*This story is underneath my folder titled “Witch’s wonder, Hell’s hate”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1455. Enjoy!*
Anastasia Monet was bored and lonely, looking for something to do and somebody to talk to. Her parents were busy, so she could not talk to them, but maybe there would be rats in the attic that could be her friends. Daddy did say that there were a lot of rats there.
So, Anastasia was in the attic, doing her best not to trip over all of the furniture and miscellaneous items that were left there, the thin light of the sun through the boarded-up windows being her only guide. She was determined to make friends, she would not stop, she-
There was a rat lying limp next to her feet. Its tail was twisted unnaturally, broken. The rat whined weakly, in pain.
Anastasia’s heart raced as she tried to think of something to do with the rat, something that could help it. She didn’t want to bother her parents, but she didn’t want to leave it all alone in such a dim and dusty place, either. A bandage around the tail would not help much, because it looked so completely bended, so beyond repair-but she did have magic!
It was magic that she did not use a lot, but it was still there. Mommy promised to teach her more magic as she got older. Healing wouldn’t be too hard. She’d heal the rat!
She lifted her hand up above the rat and focused on stitching its tail up, bringing it back to vitality, to stop it from crying…that was what it sounded like. Like the rat was crying for help. She would not leave it behind. She would not let it suffer alone. She would keep trying and trying until the rat was better, no matter how long it took her.
But thankfully, it did not take long, for the rat’s tail was all better and it had stopped its cries, slinking back into whatever darkness protected it.
Anastasia smiled to herself. She saved the rat. She made it okay.
Because of her, it lived.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“You did a nice thing today, Anna. Healing that rat with the broken tail wasn’t something that you had to do, but you did it anyway. If you keep being nice, you’ll go to Heaven when you die. Heaven is a nice place, with flowers and blue skies and chirping birds. It’s beautiful, like a painting. It’s nothing like Hell, with burning flames and sharp-clawed monsters and-You don’t need to worry about Hell. You’ll never have to go there.”
It was late at night, hours after Anastasia had helped the rat. Her parents told her not to brag about doing a good deed, but she just felt so happy about what she did that she couldn’t hold it in any longer, so she told Mommy all about it as she was tucking Anastasia into bed!
Mommy always seemed like she was happy for her, but she also said very strange things. And Anastasia didn’t really want to hear about Hell or see Mommy get that look in her eyes, like she was scared.
But Mommy knew so much about magic and the afterlife and that was interesting. She wanted to know how Mommy felt, even if it made her uncomfortable sometimes. It would probably make more sense if they talked about it more.
“How do you know so much about Heaven and Hell?” Anastasia asked.
Mommy was silent. She looked at the distance, at something that wasn’t there. Or perhaps there was a ghost and Anastasia couldn’t see it.
She craned her head slightly to look behind her, just to be sure. There was no ghost. There was nothing.
“I know a lot about magical things, sweetie. I’ve been traveling a lot before. You need to go to sleep now, close your eyes.” Mommy finally said.
Mommy leaned down and kissed the top of Anastasia’s head. Anastasia did not like Mommy’s answer, because she was not actually answering her question. She always did that when Anastasia asked to learn more about magic, when she wanted to know what Mommy meant. Sometimes, Anastasia wondered if Mommy wanted to keep secrets from her.
But those were just bad thoughts. They were not true. If Mommy had secrets, she would tell Anastasia. It was okay that Daddy didn’t talk to Anastasia a lot, because Mommy was magical, like her. They were closer with each other. They were like friends.
And so, as Mommy closed the door behind her, Anastasia did just as she asked and drifted off to sleep.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
can rat tails bend unnaturally? i always pictured them kind of like noodles, flexible in all directions...
though, surely the rat must have had more injures than a broken tail if it was laying limply and whimpering on the ground?
i like the dynamic between anastasia and her mother, it makes me wonder if the dad also has anything magic or magic-adjacent, or if he's just a normal man.
i liked the plot and pacing of this piece, and there's not much to critique, so i'll just point out some small, pesky technical things you may have missed.
'But thankfully, it did not take long, for the rat’s tail was all better and it had stopped its cries, slinking back into whatever darkness protected it.'
this sentence is pretty long and i'd recommend breaking it up. also, to me the timeline reads a bit ambiguously because it sounds like the rat stopped crying at the same time as or before the tail was mended. i'd recommend rephrasing toward something like:
'for the rat’s tail was all better and it stopped its cries'
for clarity, though this is subjective.
'"You need to go to sleep now, close your eyes.” Mommy finally said.'
since 'mommy said' is a dialogue tag the period after 'eyes' need to be switched for a comma.
overall a great piece. i especially like the tone, anastasia feels consistently childlike. for example, craning her head and checking for a ghost, just to be on the safe side. thanks for sharing!
Okay, one more thing about Anna~
And already we can see that Anna is a special child by going like “yup, these wild rats, time to make some friends” :3
Aww I like that her first real experience with magic was healing. She was bound to end up banishing the evil XD
That is such a good and in-character observation: “Or perhaps there was a ghost and Anastasia couldn’t see it.”
I also appreciate the insight into how she views her mother and that there were always things her mom kept from her. Even if Anna didn’t want to believe that.
I rly like the final line :3
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Yayy thx for reading!