*This story is underneath my folder “Castiel and Absinthe”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1005. Enjoy and Scary Creepmas!*
It was December 24th, Christmas Eve and Absinthe’s birthday. She had gotten many gifts that she had adored so dearly, but none more than her mother and father allowing her to buy a doll at “Myrtle’s doll emporium”.
She had always passed by in it and was in such awe of the dolls that decorated the glass windows, but never was she allowed to go out into town (her parents bought most of the dolls for her) until that moment, when she was apparently old enough to buy a doll by herself.
Absinthe walked down the halls of the doll shop, ever so indecisive of the glass-eyed, porcelain-skinned children that watched her curiously, waiting to be held close to someone. Their hair was so shiny, their clothes were so meticulously stitched…
And that boy was having a hard time lifting up a life-sized doll. Absinthe caught him grunting and biting his lips as he tried to lift the doll up. He seemed to be around her age, which made Absinthe a little happy that somebody else her age was interested in dolls.
But there was no time for her to linger. The boy needed help, and she’d give it to him.
Absinthe walked up to the doll and wrapped her arms around it. Together, she and the boy lifted it off the ground and towards the register, the boy thanking Absinthe vehemently for helping him.
To which Absinthe only grinned and said:
“It’s the least that I can do.”
For wasn’t Christmas all about giving out love?
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hai :3
Love the eerie undertone to this!!
I like how the Christmas Eve/birthday setting gives everything this warm, storybook glow, while the doll shop itself feels quietly unsettling. The “glass-eyed, porcelain-skinned children” watching her is such a good detail because it makes the dolls feel almost alive without fully crossing into obvious horror yet. It’s delicate, but creepy!! I really have noticed a strong doll connection across your stories, too; it's really great you have recurring themes and ideas to connect universes!!
Absinthe is really charming here as well ~~ Her excitement feels innocent, and I like how her love of dolls immediately connects her to the boy. There’s something very tender about her being happy to see another child interested in them, especially because the shop feels so lonely and watchful. It makes her kindness feel genuine, not just plot movement.
My biggest thought is that the boy and the life-sized doll feel like they could use just a tiny bit more atmosphere. The life-sized doll is such a strong image, and I wanted another detail about it: its weight, its face, its clothes, whether it looked too real, something like that. As it stands now, the moment is intriguing, but I think you could make it even more uncanny by lingering on why this doll feels different from the others. There has to be more to say about it!!
What about stranger danger?? Is that not applicable to this world?? I'm unfamiliar with this universe, so I may be missing something ~~ Though, I wish you explored the dynamic between these two a bit more.
I also liked the ending a lot!! It's lovely and ominous at the same time!! “It’s the least that I can do” sounds sweet, but in a doll shop context, it also feels like it could mean something else later. I love that ambiguity. It has that soft children’s-story feeling, where kindness and comforting concepts like Christmas lights can all become sinister with just one wrong turn.
This is a really charming excerpt!! Good work!!
- Payton
Thx for reading! :>
Oh interesting! I actually have a Christmas birthday too - so that caught my eye immediately. Looks like we have yet another Christmas doll story (I'm guessing all of them are connected somehow?) Often stores are closed on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day - so that might be a little bit of a plot hole or something peculiar maybe worth mentioning.
I like the descriptors you have of the doll already, but I think you could say even a little more... what color eyes? what color hair? what style of clothing? there is much more that could be said!
I'm surprised that the doll is life-sized! That puts a bit of a picture in my mind!
A little word choice concern -> "vehemently" feels like a bit of an aggressive word for what is being said there? I feel like it's a bit awkward that the girl equates simply helping the boy to lift the doll to love... that feels like a bit of a low bar -and if that's the whole point of this story, I think choosing "helping" situation with higher stakes would add more interest and emotion. Simply assisting in lifting something feels like a bit of a long-shot to equate with love!
Overall, the story doesn't feel quite like it goes anywhere yet - but we do get a little exposition to the character Absinthe.
Have a good day!
alliyah
Blue Berries Crew
And the next one in this folder! For Violet Victory!
Already from the way this story starts, it feels like this would be better if you would have combined it with the previous story.
Ah so this is how the two met, but now from her perspective. I like that they share the same hobby, which is real obvious now :3
I really like the message of this story and also the final line. Very cute.