*This story is underneath my folder titled “Castiel and Absinthe”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1035. Enjoy and Scary Creepmas!*
Castiel twirled a strand of the life-sized doll’s hair, looking out his window, the red velvet curtains pulled slightly apart to show the snowy landscape.
He had just arrived home, careful to not wake anyone up, but still, Absinthe lingered in his mind.
What was she doing out so late, like him? Was she out doll-shopping, or doing something more?
Her eyes were quite interesting, more than sparkling gems. They were like the bits of light in fabled faeries, mystical and ethereal. It was like she was not good or bad, but neither. It was like she wanted to do something more, like life thrilled her more than anyone could ever imagine.
Castiel wasn’t sure if he would ever see her again, but if even if he didn’t, her kindness would forever be in his heart and her spirit would live on his mind.
His doll’s name was going to be Abby. Abby Eve, because it was Christmas Eve that he got the doll, and Abby was a perfect nickname for Absinthe.
With that, he got up and placed Abby Eve safely in the corner of his room, and lay down in bed, grateful that he changed into his nightclothes once he got home.
He didn’t close the curtain, for the pearl moon and the infinite snow was something he wanted to store in his dreams, just as he wanted to do for the girl called Absinthe…
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Here for what looks like part 3 in your Castiel and Absinthe story... I feel these chapters could be organized a bit more neatly by name / number so readers can follow along with what is happening, but happy to review nonetheless.
So in part one's review I mentioned I thought it was a bit "over the top" that Absinthe was saying she had given the spirit of Christmas love just by helping Castiel with the carrying the doll for a moment, and here Castiel is going on and on and on about how helpful and kind she was... and it seems way over the top and unbelievable. Why is helping carry the door for a moment such a big deal for him?
My suggestion: make the moment of helping between them something more substantive - like Abs saving Cast from getting ran over, or helping him pay for the doll with her grocery money, or defending him against bullies... like something more substantive than just moving her muscles to help him lift the doll for a moment in time. Or if you really want it to be about the doll, then maybe explore and explain a little more into Cast's psychology here, what made that moment so important to him, when for the average person it would not mean any great deal. Since the whole story seems to hang on this moment, it ought to make sense.
I like that the doll's name is Abby Eve as that feels like a bit of an ode to Absinthe - interesting connection there! The Eve part I think is a little more silly, because Eve in Christmas Eve just stands for Evening (like Hallows Eve, Christmas Eve, Groundhog's day Eve)... but that's okay! Abby Noel or Abby Christine would feel more Christmasy to me at least.
That's all my thoughts for this short story!
Annnd final one in this folder! For Violet Victory!
Oh I remember that Castiel thought hard about how to name this doll.
Aww that really is the perfect name for the doll, the title really is not lying XD I also like how Castiel describes the eyes of Absinthe.
I was kinda hoping you might write a short story about how Absinthe turned into a vampire actually…