*This little poem is underneath my folder titled “What lies in the wintry woods?”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Enjoy!*
As a child, Inclementia thought of faeries as magic
As a teen, Inclementia thought of faeries as monsters
One faerie named December showed her true, deep love
But King Thoreau and Queen Bimasha wanted them to break up
Especially King Thoreau, who was lost by love…
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Firstly, I love the name Inclementia. In fact, I love how unique ALL your characters' names are! How do you come up with them?
This was a really sweet, short poem. I enjoy that whilst it's very short, it still has a sense of narrative progression, moving from Inclementia as a child to her first love, and the King and Queen who wanted them to break up. I enjoyed the whimsiness of the faeries and names and the recurring theme of love.
I think this would actually be perfect if it rhymed; it seems like a fairytale or folklore, and I think rhyming couplets would make it sound that extra bit magical!
<3 As always, keep writing!
I%u2019m so glad you enjoyed this! I have stories that connect to this and I%u2019ll link them in another comment if you%u2019re interested.
I actually google rare names and use them for my characters because I think that they%u2019re pretty and cool. ^v^
Hey there vampricone! Atticus here with another review.
To be completely honest, this might be a bit of a challenge to review, as it's such a short piece. There's nothing wrong with this, of course, and I'll try to make sure that my review is as thorough as it can be nonetheless. I just wanted to give you the heads-up that this review might read a bit differently than some of the other reviews I've left on your pieces before. I'll go line-by-line and give my thoughts, and then wrap it up with some overall suggestions and impressions.
I enjoy these first two lines. It shows character development very succinctly and has a fun parallel structure found frequently in poetry. It also introduces some key characters and themes without feeling overly informative. I also am wondering if the use of the word "faerie" rather than "fairy" was intentional? My knowledge on mythological (is that the right word for a fairy?) creatures does not run particularly deep. From what I know, fairies are sort of like Tinkerbell, little creatures with small amounts of magic that are typically feminine, small, and benevolent. Faeries, on the other hand, are more similar to fae, and may be slightly more intimidating creatures with magic that is slightly darker than their fairy counterparts. All this to say, I'm curious if you're trying to specifically invoke a mental idea of fairies that is more like fae, or if the use of the word faerie is more of a regional difference (like American vs British English).
I have some questions about this. Are Inclementia and December in love? This raises some pretty key questions for me about this inter-species relationship. It seems from the first two lines that Inclementia doesn't interact with fairies too much - it's implied that they live in separate worlds, maybe not literally, but certainly metaphorically. Although the other implication is that Inclementia has learned something about fairies that changed her view on them, maybe some sort of interaction with faeries that changes her perspective. In general, I wish there was some more information about this - perhaps this becomes a few lines including how they met, their evolution from strangers to lovers, etc. It leaves me with a few key unanswered questions.
Frankly, this means very little to me, as I have no idea who King Thoreau and Queen Bimasha are. I can gather from their titles that they are important people who likely have quite a bit of sway. But since I'm not sure where this world is taking place, I can't fully gather the consequences of defying the king and queen. Would it be a punishment like death or banishment? Or is defiance less consequential than that? Without knowing the stakes, it's challenging to feel very invested in this, despite it being the climax of the poem.
I enjoy this final line a lot. It adds some suspense by adding a twist - giving some more depth to the character of King Thoreau. It also does help to clarify the motivations of the forbidden romance between Inclementia and December. Finally, it suggests that there's a chance that Inclementia and December's romance could be allowed to continue, if King Thoreau were to be "found" again after being lost in love.
Overall, while this poem is fun and whimsical, I have some unanswered questions that make it hard to fully connect with the characters. If you were to perhaps include some details about the love story between December and Inclementia, as well as what's at stake if they continue to defy King Thoreau and Queen Bimasha, I think that would help me feel more invested in Inclementia and her adventures. This aside, I think this is a fun start to a description of Inclementia's adventures in a fantasy world - while it's challenging for a poem this short to stand alone, I think it would be a fun inclusion in a collection of short stories or poems about the same characters in the same world. I hope that some of my thoughts were helpful! Feel free to reach out with any questions.
Best,
Atticus
In my folder %u201CWhat lies in the wintry woods?%u201D there are stories that connect to this. The King and Queen are Inclementia%u2019s parents.
And yes, I did write %u201Cfaeries%u201D on purpose, as they are more frightening and that%u2019s what the faeries are supposed to be in my story. Also, I like the old spelling of %u201Cfaeries%u201D better than %u201Cfairies%u201D. It feels more magical in my opinion.
I%u2019m so glad you enjoyed!