*This song/poem is underneath my folder titled “Marina and the hat!”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Enjoy!*
Aura liked to make her own hats
Her little sister, Polly, thought that it was such a gas!
Her Mom and Dad thought it quite creative
But other children thought it a snooze
When a boy snatched a hat off her head
He didn’t expect Aura to chase after it on the streets
He watched in horror as a car ran her over
He didn’t burn in Hell, but the memory haunted him for weeks
Polly went to Aura’s grave
She said her last goodbyes
Aura reached from the dirt
And pulled her straight down
Polly became Mercy
Because she needed a girl Aura’s age to help
Only that girl could help Aura pass on to Heaven
Because haunting Earth was simply Hell
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hello Hello I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. I will apologize as I might get something wrong since I have not read the other parts. However, I want to give you my thoughts as I dip back into your unfolding universe. Let's get into it, shall we?
Overall I found this a tragic read not because of the quality but because of the grief the characters must go through. It seemed like the two siblings really cared for each other only to meet a grizzly end. I am a bit curious about what is going to happen next if I am not mistaken aura dragged her into the afterlife.
This shakes things up compared to her characterization at the start. I do like how you gave the readers a small glimpse into her life with things like her hobbies and her relationships. It gives new readers like myself a basis but adds more for return readers. Plus it's short and doesn't distract from the piece by going too in-depth.
I would normally move on to feedback right around here. However, I think the first review addressed the only thing I had to say. So I think I am going to wrap this up instead.
This was an interesting read and I might check out the first part. I wish you luck with all your writing and reviewing this month. I must say you are very prolific on both ends so please take care of yourself.
As always keep creating and drink water!
Thank you for the review!
This is a very short story, but it gets to the point very quickly, Aura dies, and Polly gets turned to Mercy. The details about Aura making hats and being protective of them does a lot for her characterization I think, there really isn't too much to say about this story. I will say that the line
"He watched in horror as a car ran her over"
Feels a little clunky, and the last line leaves a lot up for interpretation, I don't know if that's intentional though.
Well, keep it up! This is cool, I might check that forum you mentioned after this. Bye!