I'm drifting, falling, flying away,
away to the place where my dreams live.
I'm blurring the line between reality and not,
but whose job is it to sketch that line anyway?
Cares change into delicate fairies,
swooping on stained-glass wings about me;
draped in diamond-lights and necklaces of stars,
they are so much prettier than they were before.
Forget the pain I carry with me during sunlit hours.
Pain does not live in this place, this dream-world.
Cast it to the wind and watch it burst into flames.
Sorrow does not reside in a place so perfect.
Shedding the last of my reality, I dream of beauty.
I am clothed in the black-indigo of the night,
snow-white blossoms adorning my windswept hair,
shrouded in the purest dew of the night-time.
Escaping my turmoil, I traipse through the meadows,
the grasses about me glistening with silver moonlight.
How easy it is to be nothing but a fairy-girl,
dashing through the air like an ethereal bird.
Carefree, careless, I could live in this fashion forever,
forgetting everything but my most joyful smile.
Until morning steals this land away from me,
I will live here, free of everything that haunts me.
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137,978 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Your Poem was the most Intriguing and the imagery was on point. I like the use of free verse, there was no forced rhyming. Just reading it made me want to take a trip to this fairy-land. Keep up with the creativity.
Very good poem, I liked it, and I liked the title. I realized as I read that I live in a dreamworld all the time. Seriously, I am hardly ever in reality. I know the feeling of seeing the line of reality blur, and you described that beautifully. You had so much detail, so many feelings wrapped up in your poem. It was amazing, just the sort of thing I love reading. After reading this, I closed my eyes, and could see the world you created in this poem. You really have a lot of talent, and even though this felt more like a story and relied more on thoughts and dreams than feelings, I loved it. Sorry my review isn't great, and probably not very helpful at all, but I'm hoping to at least be encouraging. Keep writing, and I will keep reading and reviewing.
This is an interesting poem. I think you definitely had some nice ideas here.
As someone mentioned above, this is an interesting concept for a line. "....between reality and not". That bit is a bit unclear- might want to try to clean it up a bit. Since you don't have a rhyme scheme to adhere to, there are a lot of possibilities. Keep on writing.
This is really beautifully written! The flow is really good and I love a good structure, and your structure is very good! You've also used amazing imagery and this piece is just so vivid! I also like your choice of words, and your style of writing, these two lines here were original and with a teenzie bit of wierd wording; But I liked it
"I'm blurring the line between reality and not,
but whose job is it to sketch that line anyway?" - The first line is a very good way of describing a person being lost in their dreams and I like the attitude on the next line xD
My overall impression of this was that it's pretty great! It took a pretty ordinary topic - dreams, and made it original. For that I'll give you 4/5 icky sticky spiders!
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
This was very beautiful, and I liked it a lot.
I don't really have anything constructive to say, so will just say, you did a great job!
Hi creativity!
I thought this poem was very good; you really encapsulated the carefree feeling of the narrator and made me wish I was there too!
I really like the essence of this line, like being able to choose your own reality and such, but I agree with lakshmi a smidgen in that the first line is phrased a little bit strangely ... maybe try "I'm blurring the lines between what's real and what's not" to keep it clearer? The idea is still understandable if you keep it how it is now, though.
I love love love this imagery! It's very ethereal and beautiful, and the second part just sounds so pretty I want to write it all over my walls to keep me happy all the time
All in all, I think this is a very beautiful poem, and I am quite jealous of your word-y skills <3
Hope to see more from you in the future!
~synne
Hello
You're poem is beautiful but I think I felt some places were flat. You used beautiful words and that is what a writer really needs. I know I am just 13 but even I know lots about writing =)
I don't know all the mistakes. They're just what I found :]
1st paragraph:
I think you don't need a comma after 'falling'. It should be this way- I'm drifting,falling and flying away.
It makes it so much clear =)
What does the first line mean? "I'm blurring the line between reality and not,
but whose job is it to sketch that line anyway? "
It's not clear and it was a little flat, I thought . Sorry if I'm being harsh :S
That's all I found
Rest all was pretty good ^^
Loved it!
Giving this a 4/5 =D
Cheers,
Cookie xP