sorry

Hi!

So, like Kaedee, I'm a little confused. This doesn't really resemble a direct narrative in any way, and I don't know why you wrote it to include in the story. It doesn't add much, and you'll probably already be dispersing all of this information throughout the story anyway, so why give it to us here? It kind of feels like a summary or a teaser that you would see on the back of a book. It's better to let the plot of a story unfold, to hook us with action and development for characters rather then do what you're doing; info dumping and telling instead of showing.

First, about info dumping. It's exactly what it's called; showering us with back story or description that we do not need to know all at once. In your story, you cover a wide range of facts, mostly having to do with the 'instincts' of your main character. It would be a lot more exciting if you told us about who the character was and gave build-up to her power rather then just coming right out and telling us. Also, info dumping can be boring at times, as it bogs down the story and the flow of things.

Second, telling instead of showing. If you don't know what it is, telling would just be stating the bare facts to us, while, when you show, you'd get into scenes and use description to further develop your characters and make things interesting for the reader. Think of it this way; telling would be a playwright reading a script to an audience, while showing would have the script acted out, with costumes and set pieces and actions. In your story, take for example, this line.

I have ruined great friendships with my obsession in trying to get to the bottom of this dark well I'm falling down. I have even confused it with love.

You've covered a lot of ground in this section, possibly enough to cover a major section of a short story. Because this is a novel, you shouldn't feel rushed at all. You can take how ever many pages you need to really slow down and tell us about your characters and their history. Take The Hunger Games, for example. When Peeta was chosen as the tribute opposite her, SC didn't just tell us that he risked a beating to give her bread. She went into detail, recounted the actual memory-something realistic for first person narrative. If you need more help recognizing showing and telling, this is a good article to look at.

Anyway, I hope this helps. Just remember to fill us in on the things that matter, to slow down and absorb yourself in the story. Your writing will improve a lot this way. Good luck, and PM me if you have any questions.

-Elinor xo

Hey, KD here.
Erm, I don't understand! This is confusing. Is this:

cnvalambrosia wrote:My name is Cait McGowan. I don't really understand why I'm doing this yet. Anger can make my decisions pretty fast for me sometimes. My pet peeve is writing in first person but here it goes...

part of the story intro?

cnvalambrosia wrote:I started this on a whim, so might not even go through with this...

And what about this?

Besides that, I would suggest placing this whole intro in your first chapter of your story. This doesn't really seem like a solid prologue. It seems like the very beginning of a chapter, since the last lines

cnvalambrosia wrote:Since I was little I've seen and felt things that no one else could. The thing is I never know when those "instincts" are actually ever kicking in. So, YA, I usually have very poor judgement.

don't feel...finished, if you know what I mean. This seems like a snippet of something, not an intro.

Hope I helped, good luck!
~KD