What attracted me to the poem was the beautiful title. It was really attractive.
The start was good, with nice imagery. But then the things went a bit clumsy. The choice of words is good but the sentences are not properly put together. The use of punctuations is done carelessly. You have used a lot of commas unnecessarily. Capital letters are used in the middle of sentences. The flow is also poor, and it ruined my enthusiasm for reading it.
I think that a few changes in the setup will do the thing. It would be great if you add a bit of rhymes, the will make the reading as well as imagery enjoyable.
The meaning behind your poem is really adorable. Keep on writing!
Points: 0
Reviews: 23
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