but i always remember the music
as a girl, my mom and I would sing along to Slipping Through My Fingers
our voices melting in with Donna and Sophie’s as she held me close
and worried about what would happen once I was out of her grasp
[it is the one song my quivering lip can’t get through]
sometimes I wonder, if cameras weren’t created, would I still
remember her face—heart-shaped & hollow, fair & olive-skinned
yet dark under the eyes [I carry the same photo with me everywhere
as if I’m off to war and I’m preserving
the memory of her, of us]
she sent me a letter one year, reminiscing
on our trip to Biloxi beach, but by then those memories
had already departed me
with each year, I lose more of those memories, the happier ones
but I always remember the music
the lullaby of promises she kept in a water jug
the quarters we kept, the one day’s that never came
the beginning line of “schoolbag in hand” and everything
that follows
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141,254 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
Hello! This is a great and provoking poem. The mundane scenes evoke a sense of nostalgia with an overcast hauntingness to it. Descriptions were executed very well and truly the show not tell. I appreciate the parts in brackets as they give more context, but if you would go for the more mysterious vibe, I would recommend taking them out entirely to make a more lasting impression to your reader as the lines of the poem slowly bore in their minds as they try to figure out...what happened to the girl's mom? Great job at doing this! Keep it up
Hi there!
Simple but haunting, well done! The simplicity really brings the fragmented/shadowy feel to life. Odd how memories work, how sometimes the actual pictures fade away but the sound that formed them stays with us. How we have so many moments we can't remember solely from being too young but the parents can.
This also reads as someone who lost their mother at a young age and has very few memories left, goals that they wanted to achieve alongside and no longer can. It's unclear if that was exactly the goal, or if this is even something you went through. If it is true, I'm so sorry that has happened.
Sorry, I know this probably isn't much of a review.
Good job!
FireSpyGirl