I hope to be a Wonderer,
Someone who
Questions everything,
I hope to be the one
Who has the most
Curiosity
I hope to be
A Wonderer,
A questioner with curiosity.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hey cgirl!
Shady here with a review for you this fine afternoon-- in the spirit of Review Day, on behalf of the Review Cycle, to infect you with the Plague! ;D
Okay~
So, I like this piece. It's rather short, and I think that it might benefit from being a bit longer-- but it's good. I like the idea behind it, and your pacing and flow is very nice. Your capitalization is a bit strange, especially since you forwent much punctuation. I think I'd add in a few more periods, and not capitalize every line.
"I hope to be a Wonderer--
someone who
questions everything.
I hope to be the one who
has the most
curiosity.
I hope to be a Wonderer;
one of those
questioners with curiosity."
*shrugs* I tend to like a lot of punctuation in poetry (yay punctuation!), but that's just a personal opinion. Something to consider, even if you don't agree. c:
I like the unity you have in this piece. I feel like the structure you have (nine lines, with two lines between the ones starting with "I hope to be"). It's pleasant to the eye, as well as to the ear, as we read the poem. I also like how you use 'questions' then 'curiosity', then wrap up the poem with 'questioner with curiosity'. It was very nice.
Hope this helped~
Keep writing!
~Shady
While the flow of this poem is choppy and disoriented and is difficult to read, I enjoyed it very much. The short lines kind of left me hanging. I'd really like to see this extended and taken from this format:
and put into something like this:
I feel that this would just make it feel a little more complete. If you do change it or extend it, please PM with the link!
Hello There!!!! Here to review your poem:-)
A good job!! Good theme of the poem....But ( I don't know why, this word "but" always has a bad connotation when related to writing ) I found myself a bit uncomfortable when reading your poem in a rhythmic tone...The flow snaps on the third line, again in the sixth and the eight...You can clearly understand why it is so...Because it has got only one word and that too of 3, 5 and 3 syllables respectively...(it is here that your rhythm breaks)...I would like to suggest you to ways which for me (If i were you) will keep the flow of the poem in spontaneity..
One, you can bring the words together in their preceding lines....Like
"Someone who questions everything"
"Who has the most curiosity"
"I hope to be a wonderer,"
This will make the poem a bit more structured...Just you need to add one more line if you change it in this manner...make it a quatrain..
Second, you don't have to do much, just get hold of some words with less syllables, say 2 or preferably 1, (i guess you would have to change the organization of your words to befit that word)...just keep words of same syllables in the lines with only one words...even the number of syllables sometimes (for me always) help to maintain the rhythm...
In the end, it is a good poem....keep writing:-)
Thanks!
Hello! I'm here to review your poem that I just found in the Green Room!
Now firstly, I have to say, I'm glad this isn't one of those poems that have these dark thoughts in them. I praise you on that. Curiosity and Wonder are both good characters in a person.
Moving on...
Before starting, I believe more punctuation would help improve your poem. I learned that the hard way. My own poems have been exploded with reviews saying I need more punctuation. I don't really want that to happen to you too.
Alright, next.
This completely follows the message. That's a good start. Now you just need some more flow and rhythm. It sounded like there was a gap between "Wonderer" and "Someone". Also a gap between "questions" and "Everything".
This is better. Still, though, I feel an invisible line is between "one" and "who". It's not as thick as before however.
It repeats, but not too much. That's what I like.
What I would do myself, is take the "a" and bring it over to the next line. Then, slam it to the left of "Wonderer". I think that would improve the flow.
Period, please, after curiosity. It makes it seem like as if the poem is still incomplete.
Otherwise, this was beautiful. The only thing it really needs is the huge empty star that says "Flow and Rhythm" below it to fill up.
You have a lot of potential as a poet.
Keep writing!
Thanks!
Hello!
So, I like the theme very much. It gets me, I get it. We're compatible things, this theme and I. I also like the poem's brevity, it's concise and the point is readily accessible. However, I just feel...like there's something to be added. But then, that is dependent on your own motivations as the writer. I feel that by posting this, not only is this an expression made public but an effort intended to be read...This poem is talking to me, it's articulating a thought, but it's trailed off, you know? I know what it's trying to say, but I like it so much that I want to hear all it has to say anyway.
So, I think this may be a dependent clause rather than a complete sentence, so to speak. I think there's more to be said that does not necessarily compromise the poem's brevity.
And that's all. Great job!
-Max
Thanks!