I insist, my dearest,
You are pretty like the moon
In an intimate way only a celestial body could be.
You emanate the very essence that fuels my life,
The one that made me learn the beginning and the end
And all in between.
And I’m scared, dearest.
As I cradle your heart and all you hold dear,
I fear you may forget where it is
And that you had one;
I fear that you won’t come back to me
Along your orbit.
We were always meant to cross paths,
But it is not unheard of
To stray off of the path of one’s fated destiny.
In the eternal temple where I stand still,
Though my light does not dim, I ponder.
Perhaps I do not have enough faith in you.
Faith that you’ll come back and let me fix you,
To wipe your tears and destroy your shackles,
And to fill your “hollow” heart
With my love and my life
And all that is beautiful in this wretched world.
Come, my moon,
Let us once more display our harmonious eclipse,
Dearest.
For you are pretty like the moon.
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With how beautiful this poem is, I would very much like to see the words that evoked this sort of response.
Scientifically, the sun's light is what gives the moon its glow yet the sun in this poem tells how "You emanate the very essence that fuels my life," which is such a touching statement. I also love how you included different space-related terms that perfectly capture the essence of the poem. My personal favorites are "We were always meant to cross paths, But it is not unheard of To stray off of the path of one’s fated destiny." It is such a beautiful line filled with melancholy.
Personally, even if this line is beautiful, I wonder about the context behind this. "Perhaps I do not have enough faith in you.
Faith that you’ll come back and let me fix you,
To wipe your tears and destroy your shackles,
And to fill your “hollow” heart
With my love and my life
And all that is beautiful in this wretched world." I was hoping for more context on this. However the entire poem is simply wonderful!
Well done! Keep on going. Hope to hear more from you.
Signing off,
alpacaboss
Hi, Timeless Mage here to leave a review!
First thoughts and impressions:
I enjoyed reading this! It reads very much like a love letter from the sun to the moon, and that was very different.
One of my favorite lines is:
"In the eternal temple where I stand still,"
It reminds me of some lost civilization, long forgotten that worships sun and moon, like an incarnation of the sun god is visiting some sort of pantheon.
Some muses ponderings about the piece:
Why do you put the word hollow in quotation marks in the third stanza? Is this in reference to the phases of the moon often not being full?
The third line throws me a little bit for a loop. When I think of a celestial body, such as the sun or moon, I always think of them as cold, distant, and reserved. By using the word 'intimate', you create a very jarring comparison between the two, that, while solidifying the speaker as another celestial body, may draw too much attention away from your main message.
Keep it up! I really enjoyed reading this piece especially the second stanza, because it reflects the self-doubt and second-guessing that comes when you yearn for the approval of another.
For all writing, is, for it's own sake, magical, and exists for itself, giving life to infinite possibilities.