Time to get over

Hey, Caramel. Here, as requested.

So, I really liked this and can definitely see it working as a song. It's got some catchy lyrics and a definite ring to it. You make your narrator easy to relate to, and we care and sympathize with her and want to continue reading.

However, the focus of this piece feels week and hard to grasp. I can't tell if this supposed to be upbeat, bitter, or sad. You've got no music to back it up, just the lyrics. In the first part she's sad, in the second part you make it seem like she is over him, and in the last part you show us that she still isn't quite over him. It's definitely okay to have all of this in there, because breakups definitely do carry a lot of conflicting emotions. What you could do here is strengthen your transitions. For instance, maybe you want to go into detail about her new boyfriend. Is he not quite like her old one? Does she always compare the two? Then we can understand more that even though she thinks she's over him, she isn't really.

Just some ideas to get you going. Hope this helps, and shoot me a PM if you have any questions.

-Elinor x

Thanks pop nice to know someone likes it and yeah i will make them changes thanks for the advice!

Hi Caramel!

I'm made up your posting work! Scanning this I know why you wrote this obviously, and because of the situation I can appreciate how much the meaning of these lyrics mean to you. So I'll get reviewing!!!

carameldreams wrote:Ive been walking too long I love this line! Great start to a poem, good metaphor!
Down this road all aloneGet rid of "all alone", "on my own" sounds better. Great start to the song!
What was I thinkingI love this. You can tell the narrator is in turmoil. But you need to put a "?" at the end of that line.

You messed up my mind
Im confused all the time
We shouldnt be mixingI love this verse

You ruined my name
I got kicked out the game
I should just start drinkingThis verse and the previous verse goes so well together. I love the last line.

I think its time to get over
Time to get over you
I think its time to get over
Time to get over youI'm thinking this is the chorus? Catchy!

Got over you so fast
your just a thing of the past
Im already dating The last line is my favorite

So your left all alone
You moan and your groneYou spelt groan wrong. But that doesn't matter much cause the verse is really good
Does this mean im winning?I think this verse should go last because the last line is the best in the whole song. Your leaving the reader beleiving that you don't know where your going from here, just that you want to get over the object of love in the song

You feel so afraid
But feelings do change
Do i still love you?I like this verse, short and sweet. The middle line is my favorite.

I think its time to get over
Time time get over you
Its time to get over
Time to get over you
Over you
I guess its time to get over you