“This is how you’re going to torture me?” Neel’s tone was confused, he had been sporting that perplexed look on his face ever since he had arrived at Hell. he looked like a deer caught in headlights.
“Well of course,” Onyx confirmed, swishing her forked tail, “This is how we torture everybody.”
Neel looked at the Pen in front of him, it was like the fence that farmers used to keep sheep enclosed. Inside was an endless sea of humans in different forms of terror, anguish, horror, stretching till the horizon, all of them wearing VR goggles.
Neel swallowed, “Shouldn’t Hell have fire?” he asked, confused.
Bronx frowned, his horns twitching in irritation, “Why would we have fire? Fire is hard to control, it takes lot of work to maintain, makes things hot – not to mention, oil is expensive!”
“It’s not eco-friendly either!” piped in Onyx.
Bronx nodded vigorously, “Yes! This is much better.”
Neel blinked, “Eco-friendly?”
Onyx nodded, “Yes, VR goggles are eco-friendly, they run on electricity and give no smoke.”
Bronx looked at Neel’s confused face and sighed, “I don’t understand why you are so surprised; we are demons of Hell, we aren’t evil.” A sudden animation lit up his face, “If anything those heathens up at Heaven are evil!”
“Oh yes!” Onyx agreed scowling, “They are the worst!”
“Yes!” Bronx continued, shaking his fist at the sky, “Those heathens! They live up there in the sky, amidst all the sunlight, and they don’t use solar panels!”
Neel stared at the two demons, “Solar panels?”
“Yes!” the two demons exclaimed, scandalised.
“But aren’t all these human inventions?” Neel sounded confused.
“Oh we can’t help that!” Onyx gushed, “Humans invent the most wonderous things! Like time, ethic, limits, mind control, books, sour candy!” her voice had risen to an ecstatic scream.
“We never invented mind control”
“Oh you did, you – for some reason – call it social media.” Bronx replied chuckling.
Onyx laughed with him, “Yes I never understood that name, it’s so unappealing.”
“I know! I don’t understand how they managed to sell so much of it.”
Neel had beginning of panic etched on his face, “That’s it, I'm going mad, oh god! I'm going mad, this can’t be Hell!”
Onyx raised her eyebrows, “Whyever not?”
“Because – because you have VR goggles and! – and the demons here are having fun! They are laughing and playing – I saw a group of demons playing dodgeball on our way here!”
“Are you saying demons can’t have fun?!” Onyx cried; indignation written of her face.
“We are great at having fun!” Bronx protested, annoyed, “We invented it!”
“Yes! Oh you’re such a human, I bet you thought Heaven would be fun. Well they are not! They are not fun! They invented homework!” Onyx finished triumphantly.
Bronx scowled at Neel’s muddled expression, “We need to get you in the Pen, what size goggles will fit you?” his horns twitched in irritation.
Neel flinched and turned to look at the Pen, “What are they seeing anyway?”
“Jurassic Park.”
Neel jerked in surprise, “Huh?”
Onyx nodded, “Yes, Jurassic Park, Jaws, Anaconda among others. They are living the movies to be accurate.”
Bronx walked over with another set of goggles, “Of course we have changed and updated them so that they all die in the end.”
“So basically they’re going to face horrible, gruesome, terrifying deaths for the rest of eternity.” Onyx sounded proud, “It’s one of our greatest innovations.”
Neel blinked, “You’re not punishing them for their sins?”
“Nope!” Bronx replied, popping the p, “We’re just punishing them in general. Here these goggles are yours.”
‘Can’t they take of their headsets?”
“No, their permanently fixed.” Onyx smiled, swishing her tail, “I bet you wish you spent less of your time alive on the screen.”
It was a normal day in Hell.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression
Well this was a really entertaining little tale here. One of the funniest depictions I have seen of hell and honestly I think I loved it even more cause its so scarily close to how I like to depict hell, and I just feel a little bit of a connection to it in that moment.
Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;
Well this is interesting. Already I can see what that title is probably going to be referring to and I am already laughing at the thought of the sheer horror one could inflict upon a person with a VR headset. The screams are most definitely chilling there. The fence is just a beautiful cherry on top of it here.
Oh this is hilarious already. I absolutely adore what I can only assume are demons or some sort of equivalent down in hell just more concerned about impact on the environment and efficiency because it genuinely seems like they should honestly. It makes sense.
Yesss, exactly. This is precisely the point I was hoping it would touch on and I am loving it already. I mean it is hilarious but just this logic is beautiful and I love it. Perhaps I'm not as surprised by it as was maybe intended but honestly that's just cause I have cooked up a few things along these lines before myself.
Ahhh, the fact that our protagonist here seems to think heaven and hell can't use human inventions is maybe the funniest thing to me, because logically you would have to assume being more powerful and accomplished than us according to legend would absolutely have the same level of technology, maybe even more advanced honestly.
Oh wow, this is maybe the crowning moment in this one. The social commentary is absolutely on point and the way the demons? I am assuming at this point react so casually instead of like a speech to comment on this really sells it so much more powerfully.
Well that just looks frankly quite rude there to insinuate that demons can't have fun. Ahh I'm loving this too much xD This is just so close to how I personally imagined, or well created the hell of my own writing universe and I just love that someone else has thought of it and the comedy just writes itself here.
Well looks like the level of ignorance is definitely befitting of hell there, no doubt about that and I love how this is now going to be some extra horror for this person on top of what's going to next happen as they're inducted into the system here.
Well that looks like a nice series of horrifying deaths to experience. Very much deserving of being punishments in hell I think. Really love the way that you've brought those across there. I think it works wonders to showcase what exactly this updated hell brings.
Well looks like Neel here is about to suffering here and for quite a long while. Love that ending. I think the little comment about screen time and having spent too much on it is a beautiful cherry on top there.
Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!
Overall
Overall I think a really funny tale, wonderful interpretation of how modern technology would be perfect for hell and just a lovely concept in general throwing in just enough of a sprinkling of commentary to really make it that much more hilarious.
As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!
Kate
Thank you so much for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed reading it.
Hello there! I am here to give you a review on your piece of work. What a tale, I enjoyed reading this from the start to the finish. This storyline and the way it proceded was beyond imagination. Very creative work here!
The complete conversation of Neel and the demons of hell was interesting to read.
The use of VR did draw attention, making it mark as being one from the tech savvy generation. The line, “You’re not punishing them for their sins?”... which shows Neel's surprise and shock but then the reply he gets satisfies all of us.
The way social media was named as a mind controller was amusing and it had so much depth at the same time. All together, the story flow was hilarious and still quite reflective. Also the eco friendly part was well written.
Anyway even this punishment is scary like burning fire I imagine, and thus, hell will retains it's name even in the future generations, lol.
Thanks for the review!! I appreciate it.
XDD This story was hilarious right from the beginning
LOL
You have a wonderful wittiness and sense of humor! ^-^
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.
Hi!
). All in all, it's a short but cool and good job. However, I want to draw your attention to the fact that in many cases you do not write a capital letter at the beginning of sentences - and the same applies to dialogues. It doesn't look good, it's a serious grammatical error and the text loses "seriousness" because of it. If you need more advice about the grammar, don't be afraid to contact me - I just wanted to remind you, because the work now looks extremely amateurish from a stylistic point of view. It's a shame if it spoils someone's opinion of such a great story, so try to work on your grammar.
I liked your story - I like the humor with which you picked up the topic of punishments in hell. And the fact that people invented everything boring and stupid amused me (I have a very similar opinion about homework as Onyx). I also appreciate the ecological thinking of Hell (sarcastically, but I hope you get the point
Hi there! Thanks for the review, and for drawing my attention to my grammatical mishap, I appreciate it.