Doofus Detectives Ch 1 : A Crime a Day Keeps Homelessness Away

Jammed in the corner of the main street, at the beginning of the alley stands a three-story building. In the apartment on the third floor, three people sit at the dining table. The apartment is very messy, piles of dishes sit in the sink, old newspapers, magazines, reports lay scattered everywhere along with shoes and dirty clothes. Old takeout boxes and potted plants are thrown randomly throughout the apartment. The plants are thriving, everything is covered with a fine layer of dust. The windows are open, weak sunlight streams in. A drowsy silence hangs in the air.

“Guys, guys, guys, guys! Guys!” Adi burst into the room with a crash, waving around sheets of paper and the milk bottle, looking far too excited for someone who was up at eight in the morning with a bed head, in nothing but a dressing gown and worn-out slippers.

Mat looked at him wearily, “Adi, I love you, but it’s far too early for your antics, can’t we have breakfast in peace?”

“Oh Thank God! You have the milk! Eesh I was so afraid I’d have to eat the cereal without milk.” Mel grabbed the bottle from Adi's hands and went over to the tiny kitchen counter at the end of the room, where a bowl of chocolate muesli awaited her.

“Guys come on! Show some excitement! I have great news –“

“Dude, we’re four broke college graduates living in a two-bedroom apartment, and we’re a month away from getting evicted. Excitement isn’t what we should be feeling.”

“We aren’t going to get evicted Ham! You guys need to stop being so pessimistic.”

Mel frowned at Adi, stirring her cereal, “Ham’s right you know, we haven’t had a proper case in ages and Agnes isn’t gonna let us delay the rent this time.”

“Y’all aren’t listening to me! We have a case!”

Mat looked from his paper in surprise, “What?”

“Yes! That was the great news! We have a case!”

Mel stared at him, “Well why didn’t you lead with that idiot!”

“I was gonna –“

Ham waved his hand, looking at Adi intently, “How big is it?”

Adi grinned broadly, “Big. Its big, they want strict confidentiality, haven’t even contacted the police yet.” He rushed towards the dining table and placed the sheets of paper on it. Mel, Ham and Mat made space for the documents, Mat glanced at the letter in Adi’s hand, “They must be rich,” he breathed, “only the rich ones fear a scandal.”

“They saw one of our ads, and sent me this letter asking for help.” Adi’s grin was practically splitting his face in half.

“Ads? You mean those ridiculous things you put in the paper and spent all our money on?” Ham looked at Adi in disbelief.

“They aren’t ridiculous! And they’ve got us a case! Might just be the biggest case of our career.”

“Mothers been killed?” Mat looked up from the letter, “must be an inheritance thing, it always is.”

“I was thinking the same thing –“

“Fuck!” Mel plucked the letter from Mat’s hand, “This says we have to at Cinnamon Garden by nine! It’s already 8:20! No way we’re gonna reach in time.” She looked at the others, “Well don’t just stare at me! Move! Move! Come on hurry!”

The boys started. They all rushed to get ready, shovelling their breakfast, jumping in the shower, trying to look presentable.

After twenty minutes of so all four of them tumbled out of the house, dressed smartly in suits, carrying bags with their equipment. They rushed down the stairs and out into the street, calling for a taxi to get them to their destination on time.

The busy streets of London bustled with activity; traffic was at its peak.

They were going to be late.

                                                                  *********************

Adi tapped his foot impatiently, glancing at his watch and then out the taxi window nervously. “It’s fine,” he blew out a breath, “we’re only half an hour late. It’s fine, I’m sure they won’t mind.”

“I don’t think they’ll even notice,” Mat muttered from the front seat, “they’re rich, punctuality is not something they should have in their dictionary. Besides, we don’t want to come across as too eager.”

“We are eager,” Ham reminded him, “desperate four remember.”

Mel sucked in a sharp breath, “Heavens above, these guys are rich.”

The taxi rolled into the Cinnamon Garden, the golden gates yawned, and the taxi moved down the path. Lush gardens filled with trees, flowers, marble ponds, sculptures, rare birds and flowers surrounded them. The entrance to the house was large and opulent.

“The place is practically a mansion.” Breathed Adi as the four of them stepped out of the taxi, absolute awe written on their faces.

Mel leaned in and whispered, “Can we go shopping after we’re done paying the rent?”

Adi burst towards the door in a flush of energy, “C’mon! we can’t be any more late.” He rang the doorbell and the other three climbed up the stairs and stood next to him, waiting.

The door opened to reveal an old mannequin like man wearing the livery of a butler. “Yes. How may I help you?”

Adi flashed him a brilliant smile, “Good morning, we are here from The Detective Agency. Mr Lawrence has called us.”

“Ah. Yes. Do come in. I shall inform, sir.”

The butler opened the door and let them all into a spacious main hall, where he asked them to wait till Mr Lawrence decided to grace them with his presence.

“What is his name again?” Mat asked.

“Lawrence, Pethic Lawrence. He’s a businessman, consultant. From what I could make out the victims son.” Adi replied.

Ham glanced at the grand stairway that stood at the centre of the hall, “How old is he?”

Adi frowned, “I didn’t have time to check but he has two adult children so he should be around fifty or fifty-five.”

Mel pulled back her hair, watching everything carefully just like the boys were doing. The four stood there waiting in the hall observing everything carefully till they were interrupted by the sound of footsteps and the tapping of a cane.

A tall portly, ruddy cheeked man with grey hair and sagging skin started to make his way down the staircase. He wore an expensive mauve suit, and carried what looked like an luxurious cane, studded with gold and diamonds. He looked drunk. 

Adi smiled confidently, “Mr Lawrence I assume, The Detective Agency here at your service.” He held up his hand for Mr Lawrence to shake, which Pethic promptly ignored.

“You are all the detectives?”

Their smiles faltered, Adi glanced at the others, “Yes, we are all detectives.”

Mr Pethic Lawrence raised his eyebrows, “Hmph, I thought detective agencies usually employed one competent detective to solve each case.”

Adi tried another smile, “I assure you sir, we are all very competent and capable. The fact that there are four of us is what makes our agency unique. We solve cases faster and have a very vast pool of knowledge between the four of us. This here,” he gestured at Mat, “is Matthias, he is our forensic and technological expert and next to him is Tom Hammington, our medical expert.” He gestured towards Mel, “The is Mellory Mendoza, our psychological expert and myself Aditya Agarwal, I’m the teams ‘knowledge expert’ as we like to call it. I have photographic memory and therefore have quite the in-depth knowledge about many things. Much like an encyclopaedia.”

Mel smiled at Mr Lawrence, “We assure you sir, we shall have your case solved as quickly, efficiently and discretely as we can.”

Pethic looked at each one of them, “Well,” he said, “come see the damn body.”