I am the informant. I tell you what's happened, and when, and where. I also give you an opinion depending on my skill. I tell you the news, and what I say may be true, but most of it is cherry-picked to change your view.
I am entertainment. I desensitize you for the sake of a thrilling plot line. I warp your viewpoints and perspective, without you even realizing. Love, lust same difference, or so we make it seem to you.
I am a part of the media, of course, you're beautiful if you buy this and that! Happiness is wealth, especially spending money where I say. These products cure your sadness. Ask this celebrity. He says it's true, even if his life is miserable you’ll rely on what he says.
We are so very good at getting people to think just what we want. Some think they can tell when we are telling lies, or if something is really bias. But we don't often straight-up lie, just twist the information. Our bais is excusable! You'll believe us after our argument. Besides, if you don't support this then you most definitely support that! We tailor our stories, and just to tell you what you want to hear. After all, "No man is more hated than he who speaks the truth." (Plato) You’ll think, “well, this is normal” after what we've done to you. Depending on where you look the world is ending or growing very fast.
Be careful what you think and say because of us. We should not be trusted, not even a little, most definitely not a lot.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,776 Reviews
I like the way that this poem personifies the informational and entertainment aspects of the news and has them speak to the reader person to person as if offering advice. This makes the piece poetic and far better than just telling us in a straightforward way. In short, the poem is both informational and entertaining.
suggestions
cherry picked
cherry-picked
We are so very good at getting people to think just what we want.
[We are so very good at getting people to agree with us.]
Our bais is excusable!
[Our bias is excusable!]
Thank you so much! will do.
Hey there, Camusic! Sofie here with a review
Firstly, I think it takes some guts to write about current events, or relevant/controversial issues like this one, so major props on your choice of topic. You do really good job of getting to the heart of the matter. By the end, I get a god sense of the damage the media is doing, both to the individual and to society as a whole. I would agree that the major thing missing is lack of consistent tone. I think once you figure out what you’re really trying to say with this piece, what its true intention is so to speak, then the rest will really fall into place. Really do some soul searching on that.
In terms of nit-picky things like grammar and punctuation, I didn’t really find anything that needed to be corrected. The piece could do with a little less exclamation. Remember, when it comes to exclamation marks less is often more. You don’t want the reader to feel like they’re being shouted because little things like that can really take them out of the narrative.
Again, those are nit-picks. Not a bad job overall, and a great choice of topic. Good luck with the revision!
Thank you very much! I agree it needs quite a bit more work as far as where I was going with this.
Hey there camusic! I hope you're enjoying YWS and everything it has to offer.
I can see this is a work in progress, and I'm sure you will know most of the snippets of advice I have to give, but here they are!
Firstly, I like the topic of the poem — the influence and lies of the media. It's a very relevant issue, particularly for our generation, where it even plays a role in mental illnesses such as body dysmorphia and anorexia nervosa. And has a role to play in the perception of global events. There can be a lot of emotional charge behind this.
Okay, so let's get to the nitty gritty review stuff. The first thing that makes this feel unfinished is that I'm not sure what the tone of your poem is going to be. Is it sad about the influence of the media? Is it angry? Is there a cynicism in the tone? Is this the voice of the media boasting about what it can do? Pick the tone (based on your intention with the poem) and the story of your poem will evolve through that.
Pick a rhythm and start chopping dem paragraphs. Are you going for a slick, modern poetry feel? Or a more traditional rhythmic poem? Modern poetry gives you more freedom but more responsibility for the way you express the rhythm. Traditional poetry risks a sing-song feel but offers greater stability. Either way, those paragraphs need to turn into lines. Your poem has a concept behind it but lacks poetic form.
Also, think if you want rhyme. Remember, rhyme accentuates words, so try to only use it if you want those particular words to stand out. Otherwise it becomes stilted and sing-song.
Lastly, try to show, not tell. Yes, the old refrain holds true in poetry as well as prose. Give scenarios and use strong verbs to get across a message indirectly. Let the last sentence be a punch in the gut because of its implication, not merely a continuation of the same message said in the rest of the poem.
Love the concept, you just need to rework it a little to get a finished poem out of it. I know you know.
Keep writing!
barefoot
Thanks, I'll use this.