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The Ancients (just read it please)

by camusic


The Ancients

In the beginning of the world of Kreaditria, there were two kinds of creatures the Protectors and the Beasts, both called the Ancients. The Beasts were evil and stealthy. One of the five beasts was the Dragon, a creature said to be the size of the queen's royal mansion with great intelligence to match it. His talons long as an assassin's daggers, covered in dark green scales that could cause swords to shatter. But perhaps the most terrifying of all his features were his eyes. His eyes were said to burn like fire, this fire like sensation couldn’t be described with one emotion. Fear could be considered one, a but you were also in awe of the power and magnitude of the creature. Perhaps a little guilty for wanting to cause harm to the creature and anger or envy. But mostly a burning in your chest hard to tell whether an emotion or not but strong enough to bring you to your knees. The Dragon's eyes were said impossible to look away from. They were a lighter green than the scales, much lighter. That looked like emerald daggers, piercing and sharp while enticingly beautiful. The dragon may be the smartest of all the Great Beasts.

A near Equal to it was the Phoenix, equals in size almost in brains. While the Dragon was something with eyes of great beauty and scales of strength the Phoenix was something different. If you got to close you’d get burned, the giant bird seemed to be made of fire itself. What should have been a feather was a flame and had you thrown your sword or spear it would have passed through if not melt only aggravating her. Every winter she would disappear for the coldest months and be back more bright and angry, few knew that this was a new Phoenix and the old one had died. If fighting it a single cry from its beak would cause the ground to tremble. If you’ve ever stared at a fire you’ll know how beautiful and mesmerizing would a creature like this would be. She didn’t like to fight as surprising as it would seem to most. Something most would not know is that when facing an army she would fly threw the army setting them all on fire. The Phoenix would usually ally with the Dragon after all the Dragon protected the Phoenix during its younger years.

The third of the five was the Lycaon. A giant wolf if measured next the Phoenix would be just as long if standing upright. Instead of eyes, its sockets were filled with a blue light, that you could see when he roared. It is not typical for a wolf to roar, but when you get a wolf of that size to growl it’s hard to tell the difference. The howl of a wolf of that sizes if equally terrifying said to be heard miles away and summon thousands of normal sized wolves. Less of a lone wolf more of an alpha of all wolves. He is known to eat the omegas of packs. The Lycaon was had ice-like crystals that jutted out along his tail, shoulders, front legs, claws making them more sharp and long, and his face making it more jagged and angular. The Lycaon was perhaps the least intelligent of all of them but still was by far smarter than the wolves he commanded. The Lycaon preferred the cold compared to heat. Perhaps it had something to do with the ice like crystals. Rarely in the history of the Ancients did he ever ally with the Phoenix but he had allied with the dragon before after all the dragon is one the most intelligent of the Great Beasts.

The second to last creature is the Skylla. A creature with twelve feet each foot with talons not that different from the dragons. She has six long necks and grisly heads lined with a triple row of sharp teeth. Only able to walk on land at night due to her sensitive scales spends most of her time in the water playing with ships. The Skylla’s favorite pastime was to lure ships onto rocks and eat the sailors. One of the six heads had a voice that hypnotized, not a burning sensation like the dragon but took control of you. The Skylla and the Dragon didn’t get along very well at all. Reason one they were near equals in intelligence making them the two most powerful ancients.  

Comment other creatures you think I should do and what kind of creatures I should do for the Protectors and any other thoughts you have


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Mon Jan 22, 2018 9:11 pm
Radrook wrote a review...



Thanks for the fascinating descriptions of these unusual beasts. As a reader it engendered thoughts of the antediluvian world as described by Enoch where grotesque animals abounded and which some have conjectured were the result of genetic manipulation by disobedient angels referred to as the Watchers. In that lawless world, however, the main culprits causing humanity severe distress were the Nephilim who are described as giants, these were said to eat mankind and when they ran out of food they turned on one another in cannibalism. These giants are said to have been the result of human materialized angel unions resulting in size abnormalities.
So perhaps an inclusion of these giants might add something to the story.

The History Of NOAH’s Watchers, The Creatures That Scared The Hell Out of ILM
http://birthmoviesdeath.com/2014/03/28/ ... out-of-ilm

BTW
Some consider the Greek mythological creatures or chimeras as dim memories of the pre-flood world.




camusic says...


Thanks for the advice will use it.



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Mon Jan 22, 2018 4:15 pm
Lumi wrote a review...



I will go by your author's notes and give you some impressions, suggestions, and maybe some mythology talk!

The way you're going, it seems that the Skylla needs an ally, so I would be quick to add Nagas to the lore pool--or perhaps Nagas could be the foil to the Skylla. If you're unfamiliar, Naga are serpentine creatures with human torsos and heads (think mermaids, only snakes.)

I agree that the Kitsune (9-tailed fox) is a great choice for a Protector, and so would be the great Lion (but likely not god-like as not to steer him close to Aslan territory.) I'm unsure about how overpowered the dragon is--and I think it can and should be toned down a bit, though the bit with the eyes causing multiple emotions is wonderful--I'm unsure if it's quite a good fit for a dragon. Perhaps tone down the intelligence, unless the dragon is THE ANCIENT DRAGON (thinking like Tiamat here.)

The phoenix seems fearsome enough without being too overpowered--at least it dies once per year, so the humans in the story will have respite from its terror. I'm also a bit confused by the note that the beasts work in stealth? They all seem very brazen about their want to cause destruction.

I don't have much to say about the Lycaon. I quite like that he eats other wolves. Good flavor text, there.

If I were you, I would visit the zodiac and take some notes from the animals there...and mystify them. Or if you take another approach, you could take on the far-eastern four guardians (Byakko, Genbu, Suzako, and Seiryuu.) You're always free to rename and modify things, but in the grand scheme, some matters would be appropriation, which is a bad thing.

I hope these notes help!
Ty




camusic says...


Thanks for the advice will use it.



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Mon Jan 22, 2018 5:35 am
Wings101 says...



Protector : nine tailed fox!!




Radrook says...


Everything and anything goes into the soup? LOL!



camusic says...


Fun idea I%u2019ll play around with it.




It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
— Mark Twain