Helloo! Awru here to review you work.
First off I really enjoy the diary like feel of this novel. You were able to convey it in a really solid way. The grammar is also quite consistent. It seems like an interesting plot so far. Especially with the small bits and pieces of the story being revealed gradually. It makes the reading very enjoyable instead of dumping all the info on readers instantly. I also like the descriptions of the forest very much. Its quick paced and yes its understandable for it to be quick paced and flowy since its like a journal but at some points it seems too rushed. Although I am enjoying the pace so far but dont rush it to the point where it becomes over whelming. The writing style is appreciable and fits well with the theme of the story so far.
I also like how you have described a bit of Lany's character that she was a brat and spoiled when little. Character description, personality are very important to tell cuz everyone wants to know what kind of person their reading about. Right!
I noticed at some points especially after periods you didnt capitalize the letters. Now I know capatilization seem like a petty thing but it can really throw off the reader and disrupt the flow. At some places you also didnt capitalize i which is absolutely holy lol.
. it was a creature that is kinda hard to express.
You said it further in the story too that it was hard to express. Now its an absolute personal choice but you'ed rather not say that it was hard to describe sth. Just go ahead and describe it to the best of your abilities and if the creature was unclear just describe the bits and pieces, the silhouette, the distinguishing features etc.
. I felt cold and empty and alone. The fear closed in on me as if I was being watched by this being so out of this world. Slowly I started feeling pinpricks all over my body as my breathing quickened. It is like.........how to describe it. Have you ever had a moment of absolute and unreasonable fear? It was worse than that because my mind was telling me what to be afraid of. it. So, i was afraid of it and I couldn't move at all.
Although I really like this emotional description but I feel like you can make it better. Now see, Lany is kinda reliving her memories at that moment. She is indulged in the thoughts. It would be better if you expressed the emotions more. This part also seems quite rushed. I feel like you should slow this part a bit and make her relive that fear since it seems like a strong memory.
Thats all I have to say. Overall I really enjoyed reading your story. You did a good job of hooking me. I hope I get to read more of Lany Evergale!
Plz remember these are my opinions not a line drawn on a rock. You should benefit from a review yes but only you know your story best.
Keep Up the Excellent Work!
Points: 3377
Reviews: 67
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