“Come on Damian, hurry up.” Her voice was quivering.
“I’m trying!” He was now becoming angry and slammed his fists on the door. And on cue it opened. A tall man in a black trench coat holding a shotgun answered their calls.
“Get in!” He said as he shot off a couple of shells. They followed his demand and quickly got inside. A husky man helped him close and lock the door. A woman smothered a rag onto Alana’s face whilst Damian was occupied helping the men fend of the zombies. As he turned from the door the rag had been forced onto his face. His eyes rolled back and fell unconscious.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,280 Literary Works • 673,071 Reviews
Hey! Forever here with a review!!
This was a cool story but I was very confused in the end. Okay so first of all, with the title. I found no similarity between plague and the story. The story is about a completely different matter than the title. The story talks about zombies and how humans were trying to fight the zombies. I really couldn't link the story to its title.
Anyway, next we have the plot. In the beginning we saw that there were two people and they were trying to move from one place to another; if I am not very wrong in search of food(I guessed it due to the mention of supermarket). That was a pretty good start. Then they found a house and then the house opened, the owner told them to come in. Till this much is very clear to me but what happened afterwards staright away went above my head. From what it seemed to me, the people living in that place were trying to kill them or at least render them unconscious. I really don't understand why it must be so. Was it a result od selfishness? Like the people didn't want to help them or something? Perhaps. I am not at all sure.
Whatever it is, it came way too abruptly. Maybe you meant it to be a plot twist or something but honestly, it didn't come as a very good one. At least please clarify and ecpound on what was really happening there. It wouldn't be a bad plot twist if we think of the concept but the way it was presented destroyed it. The flow was completely disrupted.
Next I would like to talk a bit about the characters. There was little or almost no character development. The only thing we saw is that both the characters were very afraid and Alana was impatient too. I think there could be more character development. Like you could ppetray Damian as a brave person and make him less afraid. I understand that it's a very difficult task to develop characters in a short story but still it can be done. It's not impossible.
I liked the world building here. You could work a bit more on the descriptions though. Like how did the house in the supermarket look? etc. Overall, this had a good beginning and concept too but it needs some changes.
Keep Writing!!
~Forever