z

Young Writers Society



The Plague

by callmeike


The stench of rotten flesh lingered throughout the house that Damian and Alana took refuge in.

“How many are out there?” She asked holding an aluminum baseball bat with dried blood splattered on the tip.

“A lot, but I think we can make it to the supermarket.” He said peeking through the blinds.

“What if its locked, or there’s nothing there.”

“We just have to take that risk right now. There’s no more food here, and if we go on the roof of the store then we can get a good vantage point.” She thought about it for a while and finally agreed. Damian swung open the door and took out his machete. The zombies turned their decomposed faces and staggered towards them. He hacked and slashed his way through the horde with Alana close behind him crushing the skulls of any that were still moving. A fresh one caught her off guard and tackled her to the ground. It was chomping its teeth at the air trying to get at her face. Damian made a clean slice through the neck having the head fall on her still trying to bite. They started to run at full pace now that the zombies were aware of their presence.

“I can see it!” He said, gazing upon the supermarket. It looked occupied already, with the makeshift barriers and covered up windows.

They arrived at the entrance and Damian tugged at the door. It was locked.

“What's wrong, why aren't you opening it?” Alana shouted with anxiety. He ignored the question and started to ram his shoulder into it.

“Come on Damian, hurry up.” Her voice was quivering.

“I’m trying!” He was now becoming angry and slammed his fists on the door. And on cue it opened. A tall man in a black trench coat holding a shotgun answered their calls.

“Get in!” He said as he shot off a couple of shells. They followed his demand and quickly got inside. A husky man helped him close and lock the door. A woman smothered a rag onto Alana’s face whilst Damian was occupied helping the men fend of the zombies. As he turned from the door the rag had been forced onto his face. His eyes rolled back and fell unconscious.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.






You can earn up to 186 points for reviewing this work. The amount of points you earn is based on the length of the review. To ensure you receive the maximum possible points, please spend time writing your review.

Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
701 Reviews

Points: 49988
Reviews: 701

Donate
Fri Apr 01, 2022 12:15 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!!

This was a cool story but I was very confused in the end. Okay so first of all, with the title. I found no similarity between plague and the story. The story is about a completely different matter than the title. The story talks about zombies and how humans were trying to fight the zombies. I really couldn't link the story to its title.

Anyway, next we have the plot. In the beginning we saw that there were two people and they were trying to move from one place to another; if I am not very wrong in search of food(I guessed it due to the mention of supermarket). That was a pretty good start. Then they found a house and then the house opened, the owner told them to come in. Till this much is very clear to me but what happened afterwards staright away went above my head. From what it seemed to me, the people living in that place were trying to kill them or at least render them unconscious. I really don't understand why it must be so. Was it a result od selfishness? Like the people didn't want to help them or something? Perhaps. I am not at all sure.

Whatever it is, it came way too abruptly. Maybe you meant it to be a plot twist or something but honestly, it didn't come as a very good one. At least please clarify and ecpound on what was really happening there. It wouldn't be a bad plot twist if we think of the concept but the way it was presented destroyed it. The flow was completely disrupted.

Next I would like to talk a bit about the characters. There was little or almost no character development. The only thing we saw is that both the characters were very afraid and Alana was impatient too. I think there could be more character development. Like you could ppetray Damian as a brave person and make him less afraid. I understand that it's a very difficult task to develop characters in a short story but still it can be done. It's not impossible.

I liked the world building here. You could work a bit more on the descriptions though. Like how did the house in the supermarket look? etc. Overall, this had a good beginning and concept too but it needs some changes.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever





You are in the wrong land even if the roosters recognize you.
— Nathalie Handal, "Noir, une lumière"