Harm of Self

by caeai

  • Poetry
  • Dramatic

Published November 21, 2013

In Poems

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Ruts, deep and harsh, caused by a morose storm
Mar the pristine surface
Of the milky earth, so solid warm.

Treating lifelong home as temporary dorm,
Unsure of what to do with crimson surplus.
Despair comes in a swarm.

Is this now the norm?
The desecration of a sacred place,
Denying earth its proper form.

Fealty is sworn
To the ever-growing, miserable mass
Of pain, of blame, forevermore.

In desperation, a plan is born,
The end a horrible abyss,
With life practically forsworn.

Believing none would mourn,
Weeping gashes causing agonizing bliss.
Despair comes in a swarm
Of pain, of bliss, forevermore.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
lostthought
Review
lostthought wrote a review Review · Nov 21, 2013

I like it a lot. The thing is that there is no rhythm. Like songs, poems should have a rhythm. I do have a favorite stanza though.

"Believing none would mourn,
Weeping gashes causing agonizing bliss
Despair comes in a swarm
Of pain of bliss, forevermore"

It is very poetic. It is a very lovable part and even more so if it didn't sound like the person was dying. Power to you. Work on the rhythm and keep writing!

~lost

User avatar
fruit4you
Review
fruit4you wrote a review Review · Nov 21, 2013

I do like it a lot. I do, however, feel that it is stocky. The diction is beautiful, but when I read it I can't find a rhythm.

"The end a horrible abyss,

With life practically forsworn.

Believing none would mourn,

Weeping gashes causing agonizing bliss.

Despair comes in a swarm

Of pain, of bliss, forevermore."

I do really love this part a lot. I also love the message and idea you convey from your poem. It is very powerful and wonderful. Just work on flow and rhythm. :)

Keep writing!



It's all a matter of perspective. Everyone is the hero of their own story, and the villain of another's.
— James