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138,464 Literary Works • 672,130 Reviews
Listen poetry doesn't mean writing like you are writing in a diary. It has to have a Rhythm. That is the most important aspect of poetry that you got to learn. If there is no Rhythm in your poem than people will be least interested in it. Your poem had cute meanings but you didn't write them appropriately and it had no specific meaning. Before writing a poem choose one topic about which you want to write, suppose you friend. If you are writing about your friend and you want to write in a cute way then sort out the word in which you want to describe her or him at the same time try thinking of words that rhyme. Try writing your poem like 4 or 5 line in each stanza and before writing a poem read few poems of great poets, that will really help, if this song was about missing someone then you should have described that feeling more clearly...overall this wasn't so bad, actually it was good but you should work harder.....Don't feel offended my the reviews because we are just trying to help and I really hope this helps you.
Listen, as an Individual writer, I feel obligated to write what makes me content. Not to be the best at what I do, not to please anyone, not to gain your approval! Yes I am aware of what %u201Cpoetry%u201D should look like and sound like but I would rather stay away from the traditional rules. I cannot recall someone or anyone inspiring great men such Shakespeare or Edgar Poe. You in the other hand, you might feel permitted to carry on this confining tradition but what good does that do to you as a writer and individual?
I am aware of my abilities as a writer and yes I can write flawlessly%u2026of course according to you standards but I wouldn%u2019t dare mimic the work of other just to be compared to their work. When I wrote this piece, I meant to make it as casual and rebellious as a poem can be in the literature world%u2026 to make the reader focus on the last stanza and compare the different tone and language both stanzas assert.
Your review helped%u2026somewhat and hope you can where I am coming from.
ouch...hey listen you don't have to feel offended by this I said what I thought so sorry okay If you really took this to your heart...And who said you to copy or something like that...I gave a review which is to tell people what you think they did wrong so this is it...Well if it offended you then Sorry, I didn't mean it...
I didn't mean to offend you
I have to agree with Magpie. It's cute but it doesn't have a true meaning to it. I think you could do a lot better. It is very catchy but it doesn't keep my attention. I quickly grew bored with it and decided to just speed through after the first couple of lines. I think with a bit more practice you will be doing great!
I wish you luck!
Love,
RedApril29th.
Hi there, bullhead.
Among the cute images in this poem, among all the cute rhymes (it doesn't even rhyme), this one is the least cute, and it's kind of gross in my opinion. When I see couples in public, I don't want to see anyone's hand on anyone's bum. It's kind of offensive to me. Holding hands? Acceptable. Holding butts? No. Gross.Here is my honest opinion. It's filled with good intentions.
While this is cute, it gets cloyingly cute because of the thing you focused most on in this poem: the rhyme scheme.
All of the rhymes in this poem feel very forced. It's almost as if you thought, "Ooh, finger rhymes with ginger! Let's put that one in!" Instead of focusing on the meaning as you should have. Never let the rhyme scheme control your word choice.
This line threw me off. Why are you throwing sodas at each other? I like drinking pop, but I definitely don't like to throw my friend a can of pop. It's weird that you're chucking soda (unless it's a typo or I'm misunderstanding).
I feel like these lines get serious too quickly. You're talking about these cute things, and now you're avoiding hurt feelings. Where is the transition?
These would be great. Without the forced rhyme. You and your forced rhyming.
I suggest rewriting the poem without rhymes, and then adding them back in when they happen naturally. Right now, it sounds like you're trying too hard to be cheery here.
I hope that this review was helpful to you. Keep writing!
Hello there Bullhead! Dogs here with your review today. Okey dokey, to start things off I think this is cute and than you turn the tide and make it heart breaking at the end. Nice twist there, I was certainly not expecting that. The unexpected in poetry is always a good thing to do, so well done there. My only real overbearing complaint I have to make about this piece is the rhyming, it appears that the rhyming sounds incredibly forced throughout most of your piece. For example, you start with:
"It's time like this/ I miss your kiss,"
Cute imagery there, but "this" is clearly been placed in the line to rhyme with kiss. You have to contort the sensical sentence structure to fit the rhyme. THe first line, grammatically, should be: "It's times like these..." You could change the line around a bit and say: "It's a time like this..." just to make the rhyme fit and grammar work out for you.
Also, you say: "Being silly without/ Hurting my feelings." I know this wasn't your intent, but it comes across as a little one sided that it's only your feelings that are being protected. Maybe say "each others feelings" instead.
One last random note, you usually have good grammar, but you don't have to start every single letter of each line with a capital. In my opinion, I think grammar should stay true to your poem throughout the entire piece in almost every aspect (you have some leniency in sentence structure). Of course, grammar is entirely up to the reader but, I believe that it's more visually stimulating to see a variation of uppercase and lowercase letters. Just a minor note.
All and all a good piece, your ending is certainly your best part, try to fix up your first couple lines and you'll be raring to go. Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!
TuckEr EllsworTh
I have to agree the first two line aren't the best and I was having a hard time putting it together! and yes I was thinking of putting "each others feelings" but it felt odd. Thank you for your review...like always. You should check out the other poem "The Affair"