When the sunflowers burst
From my veins,
After the meadow then knows
My name,
Before the wolves howl
And the daylight comes to fade,
I will be home.
-
After my lips match the hue
Of the sky,
After the seconds and days
Go by,
Before the sun cries
And the moon sings,
I will be home.
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139,818 Literary Works • 672,772 Reviews
Short, but very beautiful. This is kinda what I think of when I think of Heaven. Keep writing!
Hello Remington38 here, pleased to meet you.
I really like how sweet and simple this is, but has that air of mystery to it. My favorite line is when you talk about how her lips will match the blue sky, which reminds me of a story I write a really long time ago called "Floating Blue Lips." I love the rhythm and rhyme to this and how it just flows so beautifully. Keep on writing, you are very talented poet.
This has rhythm. This flows amazingly. The imagery is wow. I love the repetition of "I will be home", it really gives the poem a beautiful feeling to it.
Even the little things like each stanza having 7 lines, these little things add to the aesthetics of the poem!
The one thing I found is the contrast between the two stanzas. To me anyways, it seems as if in the first stanza it is talking about depression of sorts and harming (you get what I mean), but to me it seems as if in the 2nd stanza the meaning of "I will be home" is changed a bit.
I get the impression that in the first stanza the narrator feels angst and sadness, as the way you've worded it gives it a melancholy feel to it. But in the 2nd stanza, I feel as if the narrator is almost coming to terms with this pensiveness and being familiar with the feeling, it's very powerful and I can barely put it into coherent words...
The word "Home" is such a beautiful word too. The meaning extends much further than a house where you live, home is the that closure in the bottom of your heart, that warmth and comfort which engulfs your very being and turns it pastel rainbow. It feels right, it takes over you.
Well done! - Tiana