I’d like to think I imagined you
but there you stand
strong shoulders, warm hands.
Our eyes flit, casting
our gazes through the space between us
sometimes
they connect, and I know you see me
but I look away because
that look in your
earth coloured eyes
is real.
Andyou’re real.
These feelings,
they’re real too.
Breathless, I walk past you
because I become
reckless in
your presence.
But every time I
wish I had stopped,
and uttered a word.
Any word, really.
Probably I’d start
with a greeting but
maybe…
Maybe I’d just introduce my
lips to yours.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey there briggsy1996. I dont understand why you had say such a thing like you are not good in poetry, cause to me you are great. You poem was great too. It really conveyed the feelings very well. Your sentence formations are good, i find no fault in that. But i just think you could have split the poem into two stanzas. Maybe you could have started a new stanza from 'Breathless, I walk past you '. But its a great poem and i really enjoyed reading it. So keep writing poems, you are good at them.
Cheers
CatherinKanya
Hey briggsy1996! Alex here to review your poem!
Just to start with I'm not the best at reviewing romance but hey, I'm not terrible or anything! :3
I absolutely loved the poem! My favourite bit was the last five lines! It totally sums up everything when you see someone you love. You forget everything and get all nervous which you show in:
Showing that she forgets just saying hello and just proceeds to do
Just 'cause she doesn't know what to do. This made me smile a little bit as I thought it was funny!
Just one thing that could be improved with this!
I noticed that the flow of the poem is broken up by many many line breaks. Some are good for effect but some I think would work very well as one whole line. As an example:
Could be:
Just my personal opinion, do what you want with it!
Overall, very nice poem!