You died, tonight.

oh one more thing. the title is weird. capatilize it and take out the comma. unless of course you did that on purpose like e.e. cummings or something. but anyway the title is good, because it fits the poem, but just capatilize and take out the comma. that's all. bye!
-Cammie

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! that's funny. this was really good. i think it's good how you didn't make it flow, but if you did it might have made us think it was more a real person you loved. don't say you think it's worthless and then say you love it. that's confusing. also, good how you didn't say what it was until the end. but, swearing is kind of distracting. i dunno. maybe you did it to make it sound like you really hated it. but if it was a person and they died, you would say you loved them, and not that they're worthless after they die. just saying. well, i think you were aiming for us to think it was a person and then, shocker, it's the internet. but, sorry to say i guessed it wasn't a person just because it wasn't very poetic and you did the love it, hate it thing. but i was laughing outloud after i read it. so, good job! i really liked it.
thanks!
-Cammie

HAHAHA I thought I was in for a sombre poem but that last line had me laughing
I could rant about the way it flowed etc but really it was just for fun and I think that there's no need to heavily critique that. I also laugh because my internet connection hates me with a fiery passion that burns with the heat of a thousand suns!!!!! ... where was I?
Oh, right, your poem
Clever and amusing it lightened me up

70 likes?!
Well done, well done *hand shake*

BAHAHAHAHA, I LOVE IT. Do you mind if I share this? I'll give you full credit, of course.

Um. This is an interesting piece to say in the least. I don't know how to critique it to be honest... it's just... odd lol. But it's all good =]

Well... That was different. It wasn't poetic in anyway (in my opinion). But, on the other hand, It was funny and witty. Nice one!

hahah it was a verry sly ending, if you dontmind me saying, the first part,ifyou carryed it on, it could have been a beautiful and sad poem full of heart, but i gessit was verry uique

I know I've jumped on the bandwagon a little late (since this was posted last year, haha) but let me tell you my initial thoughts:

1) omg. Wtf is this. This isn't the BornToBeAWriter I know.
2) Wow, she writes bad poetry.
3) roflmao aajsgdvasgjadassjgd!

Cool story bro!

Spoiler

You should have this poem framed. 108 reviews and well over a 1000 views, and well deserved. A legitimately funny, ironic work of lol. For kicks, send this to poetry contests. Ok, maybe not, but I would. : )

edit: SCRATCH THAT, send it to your internet provider.

LOL!!!!!!!!!
I was thinking, wow, 60-something reviews, this has got to be good. Then I was like - it's about someone who died ... that isn't very nice ...
Then I read the last line, and I fell out of my chair laughing.
It really flows and is hilarious. After I'd read it once I went back and read it again, and caught all the clues I'd missed, which made it doubly hilarious. Really great job, Tanya! Nothing I can advise, really, it was brilliant. I think we can all relate to you!!
- Ignis

hahah. Thank you, guys!

I liked this a lot. It was fun to read and the ending was entertaining. I love the rhythm and how it made me laugh. It was really easy to read and I can't wait to see what else you come up with. Just wow. Good job.

Oh wow! That was actually funny at the end. I thought it was about some guy (as did my sister) and yet it was about the internet. Way to show love for the connection. That was awesome.

Haha, thanks Snickers. Glad you enjoyed the laugh

Oh my gosh! This is soooo awesome! I read to my brother and he and i laughed together. You sure are talented so keep up the fantastic work kid.

I agree with cupcake. It is good and the ending shocked me. I like it, and I've gone through the same thing so this poem relates to my past which makes me like it even more.

Thank you Story,

Yes, that really happened. The darn thing kept flickering on and off, while I was reviewing, to boot!

So, I pulled out pen and paper and vented. And laughed.

Tanya

This is a really good and very funny actually.
Did this really happen? If it did i might have to lauph. there werent a lot of errors. actually there werent any. so really this deserved to get on the most popular list. you totally deserved it. anyway keep writing because your on my reading list. so just write write write write write write write! please.

your just very good at writing. you have a very fluent writing style and i need to look at your other posts.

wait too late my moms telling me to get off the computer by.

haha, thank you originalhobbit!

Good poem, excellent twist. I can honestly say I did not see that one coming, even if I may have felt the same way about my Internet connection before. Onto the pretentious review:

There was excellent use of emotion in this piece, I could really feel the raw frustration and anger behind the words. I definitely can sympathize with you in this situation.

TheCodex, thank you for your comment!

Tanya

I feel exactly the same way

Very good poem, loved the twist ending. I thought it was going to just be another angst poem. Very well done!

Hahahaha... That was epic. Nice job. I agree with some of the other reviewers, the end isn't as expected, but it works out oh so wonderfully! It made me laugh so hard. Sure, it doesn't flow so great, but it works out in the end. And it was just 'cuz, too, so it's all cool. Again, nice poem. =]

Hey there!!! That was a very Very nice poem...... a good laugh!!!! had a great time reading it!!!

Thank you earendil.

I'd be afraid that people would expect something along the lines of this poem if I ever wrote another...

Tanya

Haha! Very clever. My first impression was something along the lines of "damn.. harsh." Once I got around to the end, though, I immediately recalled numerous times where I had the urge to punch my computer in the face (because you can't punch an internet connection, apparently). I bet you'd turn out to be a great poet if you continued. Got a laugh out of me, at least. Good write.

Again, thank you for your comments.

Tanya

It was different from any kind of poetry I've read before but I liked it a lot! Good work!

Haha I love it, definatly what I think every time the internet stops working.

I'm going to be completely honest here, I clicked when it was in new works, thought "CLICHE LOVE POEM" and left you to the reviewing wolves which have longer attention spans than I. Then everyone began liking it. I came here to see what all the excitement was about.

Now, I must say - the ending reached out and touched my soul. It was just so perfect the way I can relate to the horrible, deceiving Internet connection which tears at the core of our very being.

(Translation: I laughed so hard you made my sore throat more sore. Thank you.)

Haha, I loved the first two lines. Great passion in that. Not so much the following two; they sounded, to me, a bit weaker "You made me...you made me..." I would change those words.

Most of what I loved about the poem was its surprise ending. Creative. Doesn't stray down the road many choose to go.

Oh wow, that was genius! I thought it was another whiner about relationships, but then at the end. . .
Well, there's no need to say why it's so funny. You already know that.
Good job!
~Crazy

I love the ending and I agree 110% I think though, that you shouldn't use expletives. You could have found a better alternative to the line; "you worthless piece of shit." Other than that I liked it, it was nice how you used a stereotypical romance break up in the beginning and then went to "internet connection" rotfl <3

I really enjoyed this! i was expecting some angsty poem leading up to some a-hole boyfriend with black eyeliner.... and then it was the internet connection. having had a rather unstable one i appreciate and understand the emotion behind this.

this also reminds me of a poem i heard from a classmate back when i was in highschool. it was very sexual, all about chewing gum... but it sounds like something else that was moist and pink. it was awesome.
not only is the change humorous but makes the whole subject (in the gum aspect) less awkard.

i could probably search and find a deeper meaning to each line, but i like it the way it is, obvious.

Wow...I really love it! You haven't gone for that lovey-dovey mood and this shows your true feelings, which spoke to me! I love it! Its totally awesome dude!

I have to say it is very emotional, and the fact you were talking about your internet connection. I was not expecting that.

Wow! Lol! This was a fun read, thanks giving me a laugh!


-lilgreendots <3

I love this xD i really do, it made me laugh at the end, but i really liked it!
It was emotional all the way through, I was expecting a big emotional finale, but i think what i got was much better!
good piece, keep writing!

I definetly liked this thoufgh it was funny and the end is unexpected

*sniffles*
Beautiful.


--Bunny

Hello! This was good. It was serious, heart-felt and emotion with a nice humorous touch at the end. It was very well written. Great job.

j

That was totally epic. I don't usually like any sort of poetry but this just threw me from my chair. And I totally agree with the message.
Great work you should definitely write more poetry like this.

Hi borntobeawriter,

Hahaha. I loved this! It felt so serious and heart-felt, then the humorous, surprise ending was just great! I have thought this soooo many times! Well done!

And congratulations on becoming the featured member! Best wishes for future writing!

RedLeaf

Okay. This is great. I came here expecting ANOTHER emo poem. You know, the ones that talk about all of this crap that goes on in their lives. Abot there heart dieing then being eaten by the evil darkness. Well, I came here, read the first post, and it sayed unexpected ending, so I HAD TO READ. I read it and BEST POEM EVER! K, maybe not the best, but it certainly is one of the funiest. Write more comedic poetry. Your great.

Umm, I didn't see the purpose of this, except getting your anger out. Good rhyming I guess, but maybe you should tell them that to their face.

Ugh! I would freak out if my inernet connection died. FREAK OUT! lol, I loved this, I thought you were talking about something really big, like what anyone would think when thye read the beginning of this. And then you're like "internet connection" and I have to reread the whole thing before I could be like, "Whoa, she actually was talking about that!" It's kind of like "The Sixth Sense" and you don't realize that he's actually, well, dead until the very end and you have to rewatch the whole thing before you can realize that he doesn't talk to anyone except for that poor kid!
Anyway, what I am trying to say in my non-stop rambling is that I loveeeee this! And apparently a lot of other people do too. 46 likes? Well, better make that 47!
Keep writing poems like this. If you took out the swearing you could put it in some Shel Silverstein book, although he writes all of his books.
It could be for teens!
Lol, keep writing!!!
-Leah

All I am going to say is, that was odd.

LOL That has to be the funniest thing i've read. I really thought it was going to be a love poem and was getting ready for some sad ending then BAM. And this poem is about something that is so common you just made me laugh so much. You are a fantastic writer!!!
From Kitty

*Bursts into laughter*

Hey buddy,
Nice twist at the end. Quite lighthearted. Keep Writing.

Haha amazing, gorgous, spectacular! This made me laugh I even read it twice and even laughed the second time. Thanks for this, it definitly made my night!
-Snickerdooly

Hi, I don't know how to define this but one thing is for sure ... I keep on coming back to it because it's just so much humor !!!

OMG! That was the most hilarious poem I have ever read.

This is a great poem and I believe that you are destined for greatness good luck to you in all of you endeavors......................................also I think that you like to hit your computer on a regular basis. Keep up the ....................... good work?

I just wanted to say how thankful I am that you all like this so much. I've been working for the past few days and haven't been able to come on the net properly, but I've been checking on my Ipod. The amout of notifications I get for this...Unreal.

THanks for liking this and for seeing the poem for what it is: a good laugh.

Tanya

Ok, here's my train of thought while reading this.... (in red )


You died on me tonight, ON me? not sure if I want to read on, but can't help the suspense!
you worthless piece of shit. Do I really need to keep going? YEEESS!!

You’d made me dependant of you.
You’d made me love you. These two lines: Oh, no, sappy, depressed love dovy...KEEP GOING!

I was good to you!
I treated you with respect! Exclamation points are good!

Why did you leave me here,
alone, distraught and vulnerable? Oh, no, not again.....

Couldn’t you have given me a warning?
A sign? One last chance? Need I say more?!

I need you. I want you.
Would you consider coming back? KILL ME NOW!!!

No?

Burn in hell, Internet Connection. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!


Bravo! Loved it! Love it! Wanna read more! I don't believe this is your first time writing poetry! Hilarity is one of the many joys of poetry! Keep writing!

Oh lord everyone, you make my day with every comment you post. Thank you so much for reading and liking this!

This really made me smile.
Its unique and what most of us are thinking most of the time i think!
Amusing stuff like this is always good and i think the structure in the writing is good and different
Ignore any bad comments lol

LMAO!!! XD
That was an awesome poem!!
I was a little confused as to why the poem would be so angry, then I scroll down and I crack up laughing!

It was simple, and most of it was powerful because of that.
Also, the title definitely draws attention.
I didn't like the anger used in it at first, but then i got it. LOL XD
I would like a little more dramatic writing in it.. but that's just me ^_^"

All in all, the poem served it's purpose
Great work =]

This is the first piece I've read on YWS, and it made me laugh out loud. Nice poem

Ahhhhh, Tanya...this is why I love you. You speak to my heart unlike any other, besides Garrett Hedlund. *high five*
This poem could have been about my relationship with the internet connection at my house. It really ticks me off sometimes all the time. I read this and all I could do was laugh and picture you writing this in a fit of frustration. It's really funny. Weeeeell...that's all I have to say. Great work my friend!


Happy Writing!
Bailey

That is the funniest and most truthful thing that I have ever read. Great and by great I mean GREAT JOB!

This is amazing. This actually made me laugh out loud in the middle of class. I liked how at first it seems like an anger at a loved one who died but suddenly it's like "hahaha internet! you fail!!" good jobb.

This is not a proper review, I just wanted to say that I found this hilarious.
At first, I thought it was about someone who literally died, then I thought it was about someone who left you, and as I read on I could really connect to the theme and thought 'How true', then when I realized it was about your internet connection- well, I should have known better, but I laughed. I mean, if laughter was the reaction you were going for, it definitely worked!
Loved it!

all i have to say is:
hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry I'm not commenting on thepoem - on a general note it's original but needs developement.

I just wanted to say that boolovesyou's comment about how you shouldn't use contractions in formal writing is ENTIRELY misguided! I see that you're 14 and therefore probably going through secondary school right now so that maybe explains it. It is perfectly fine to use contractions in poetry, song lyrics, story telling. I don't know where you've got this idea from, maybe when you say formal writing you were suppose to understand that to be something very formal like a speech or a letter. Even then contractions like "couldn't" are absolutely fine. There are really no rules to how inventive you are allowed to be with language when it comes to poetry.

HAHAHAHAHA *3 minutes later is still laughing*

Love this poem!!! I soo understand it.

Keep writing,
Alzora

I really dug this.

It's short, sweet and it perfectly covers the experience of losing one's internet connection. The cool thing is you could take out that last line and replace it with pretty much anything electronic that's screwed you over at one point or another.

I agree with everyone, very funny suprising too, thought it was a love poem, lol my favourite part was the end

I saw this on the 'recommended for you' thing that was added and I thought that I should give it the honour of my clicking on it. I was not disappointed. I'm not a poet, nor am I the best person ever to be reviewing a poem, but I found that this was just amusing in the best possible way. I always liked the poems that make you believe one thing then turn out to be something completely different. I don't know if I'm just repeating what many others have said before (admitedly, I didn't feel like reading your 3 pages of comments, way to go by the way) but good job!

Wow, Ma, that was superb. Did this really happen? I mean, your Internet Connection really ditched you? Aww. *hugs*

Ahhh, I needed that laugh.

I can just see you laughing maniacally all the way through this poem (at least, I know I would have been). It brings joy to my heart every time I read the last line.



-Mazey

I can really relate to this poem. I guess it is due to my internet connection which is as fast as the speed of a burnt out light.
I just lol'd all the way through the poem. Very good.

borntobeawriter wrote:

Spoiler

I was going to click the 'submit' button on the tab. I couldn't find it. I realised it was hidden under a serious amount of 'unuse dust'. *coughs*

Yes, it's been a while, people.

So, this is my first ever poem. I'd love your opinions, but please, don't take this seriously at all.
Tanya

You died on me tonight,
you worthless piece of shit.

You’d made me dependant of you.
You’d made me love you.

I was good to you!
I treated you with respect!

Why did you leave me here,
alone, distraught and vulnerable?

Couldn’t you have given me a warning?
A sign? One last chance?

I need you. I want you.
Would you consider coming back?Ok.I thought this was a person we were talking about...until...

No?

Burn in hell, Internet Connection.

Thanks JoJo!

This is a really nice poem, and funny.
At first, it seems like you are talking about a lover or something.
And in the end, you talk about the worst lover of all... the Internet.

Great poem!
-------------------------
-Jojo.

Haha, thanks. I really never thought this would become so popular!

Thanks everyone for liking it so much!

Haha, this was funny. Though yeah, I agree that it didn't flow well. Still, all for fun, so I don't really care. The last line makes me laugh.

Ha, this is great. From the title I thought it would be a serious poem, then from the first line I thought it would be about a car...and then, it's the Internet. How many of us haven't felt THAT way before? Great job!

~Blue

borntobeawriter wrote:Burn in hell, Internet Connection.

Thanks hahahaha. Good one, Dreamy!

My friends were reading this over mny shoulder and we were confused as to why this would ever be a featured work untill we saw the end- lovely job . It made me chuckle. Probably one of my favourite new poems on the site.

Nice job, mate.

HAHA this was realy funny. Started reading it as a really serious poem, but the ending just made it great!

Great turn at the end. And yes, I agree with ^^ boolovesyou, watch out for contractions in formal writing. But it works here, cuz its not really that formal!

MORE!

haaha wow i wasn't expecting the ending but it made sense. I liked the poem. (: good job

Amazing!

Oh Lord, guys, you made me laugh so much with your replies. Thank you!

Melcally - the point was that it was the internet connection, not a guy.

Renn - thanks for the dependent thing. I thought it was another Canadian thing that we spell it one way and others, another. I just looked it up. Thanks!

Warrior Princess - I literally bursted out with laughter when I read your review. Thanks for that.

Coral - Haha. That is sooo funny! Aww, glad you came back

Tanya

Haha! I actually didn't care if it flowed well or not, but, I just loved the ending! The part that ziggiefred quoted was also my favourite xD. And, congrats on the featured poem, mom! It's your first and it's featured! O.o

This is awesome. I read it when you first posted it, looked at the first four lines, heavily sighed, and hit the back button. When I saw it was featured I kind of went, "WHAT?" and clicked on it again. After fully reading it, I would dearly like to apologize for my ignorance and stupidity.

Again, this was awesome.


-Coral-

I literally "lol'd". I was really expecting a heart-broken poem, but it was completely different. Epic. Happy new year, by the way.

MissMadHatter

borntobeawriter wrote:

Spoiler

I was going to click the 'submit' button on the tab. I couldn't find it. I realised it was hidden under a serious amount of 'unuse dust'. *coughs*

Yes, it's been a while, people.

So, this is my first ever poem. I'd love your opinions, but please, don't take this seriously at all.
Tanya

You died on me tonight,
you worthless piece of shit.

You’d made me dependant of you.
You’d made me love you.

I was good to you!
I treated you with respect!

Why did you leave me here,
alone, distraught and vulnerable?

Couldn’t you have given me a warning?
A sign? One last chance?

I need you. I want you.
Would you consider coming back?

No?

Burn in hell, Internet Connection.

You died on me tonight,
you worthless piece of shit.

I thought this started the poem really well, although I will admit that it didn't admit too well with the next lines.

You’d made me dependant of you.
You’d made me love you.

For one, dependent is spelled wrong, but we all make simple mistakes. maybe 'You had made me love you'

I was good to you!
I treated you with respect!

I like the emphasis on this line. I could really envision someone saying this, and once I read all the way I realized this was pretty awesome, I've done stuff like this.

Why did you leave me here,
alone, distraught and vulnerable?

Good lines, I think you should maybe end the second line with 'alone.'

Couldn’t you have given me a warning?
A sign? One last chance?

The second line doesn't seem to flow with the first as well

I need you. I want you.
Would you consider coming back?

Good lines, I liked them a lot.

No?

Burn in hell, Internet Connection.

I think these two lines should be conjoined, but I thought they were awesome and funny and totally realistic! Or at least I would've done something like this...

Overall I liked the poem and found it to be good for your first, but I think it could be improved by making the lines rhythmical and or flow better. But keep writing, I like how you write.

i think that your poem is a very good start to writing poems in general. poems don't always have to ryme though that is what traditional poems do. your poem is....inspiring.
keep writing.

Soap

borntobeawriter wrote:

Spoiler

I was going to click the 'submit' button on the tab. I couldn't find it. I realised it was hidden under a serious amount of 'unuse dust'. *coughs*

Yes, it's been a while, people.

So, this is my first ever poem. I'd love your opinions, but please, don't take this seriously at all.
Tanya

You died on me tonight,
you worthless piece of shit.

You’d made me dependant of you.
You’d made me love you.

I was good to you!
I treated you with respect!

Why did you leave me here,
alone, distraught and vulnerable?

Couldn’t you have given me a warning?
A sign? One last chance?

I need you. I want you.
Would you consider coming back?

No?

Burn in hell, Internet Connection.

burn in hell, Internet Connection

I'll apologize in advance for the spamness, but . . .

OH MY GOSH. LIKE, LIKE, LIKE. *freaks out and hits "Like" button 400 billion times*

*clears throat* Yes, well. I can relate to this piece, unfortunately. I have, like, the Internet connection from the Black Lagoon. But you know, great souls suffer in silence. Or in poetry.

Hahhaha. I love the ending. So very much

I'll repeat what Skins said "What does it say about this site when my worse work is featured?"

It's obvious you had fun writing this.
Well done on being featured. xD

Haha, oh Lord, guys, thanks so much for featuring this!

I'll repeat what Skins said "What does it say about this site when my worse work is featured?"

And RH' yeah, I know, I wrote it quickly when it died while I was rewiewing. Then I went back and looked it over and thought, "hmm, I should work on this, make it more like a poem." But I'd enjoyed writing it so much, I kept it as it is.

BUt...The ice is broken now with this ridiculous poem and I might be able to figure out how to write more *smiles*ç

And Jashy....The literary journal, really? Hmmm good idea....

TheWAlkingDude? Yeah, I agree. I'D actually wondered about that before posting it. Well, glad you enjoyed it

Tanya

This was very deep in the beginning, but in the end it was highly amusing. Good job.

Hehe. Loved this, Mum. I was expecting some angsty poem about a guy, and then read the last line and laughed. The only "complaint" I have is that this doesn't really feel like a poem. I mean, you could have just as easily written this out in a couple of paragraphs and I really wouldn't have noticed a difference. If there was some way you could give it more of a lyrical, musical sound to it, I'd feel like it's more of a poem I'm reading. But I also know that you didn't mean for this to be taken so seriously, so that's all I'm going to say about it.

Love you!

Oh I love this. Funny. Full of feeling. Universal theme. Anyway here at YWS would certainly relate to this. HAHAHAHA... Epic, Mom. Dearly epic. XD Pass it for the journal. You rock!

Haha! I know your pain. My internet connection has failed me way too often. It's a goofy poem about a common pain. XD I love it.
-K7

That was pretty epic. That's all I ca say about it, sorry. XD

Alright, so, I though this was going to be some lovy dovey poem about how someone's lover died in their arms.

Thank you for that pleasant surprise.

I really enjoyed that, and how you lead me on with the title.
Your flow and everything was good, I like how it was short stanzas.
That really worked.

~WickedWonder

The ending made me gigglesnort. I have felt that way, way to often. I love how it was utterly, and absolutely cliche in the beginning--or so I had thought. The ending threw me off completely, and I love that. Wonderful poem!

I wish my first poem was as clever as this one. You should continue writing poetry.

Good luck!
And have a happy New Year!

Howdy, BTBW!

Complete curveball. Hit straight outta left field. Resembling to the Taco Mayo Commercials (if you've never seen or heard of it, don't worry; they always do something completely weird then go "Wow, THAT was TOTALLY unexpected!"). At first, my mind was thinking cliche, cliche, cliche. A love/hate poem. I almost didn't want to read it to be honest, as I've been reading far too many of those. But then the end hit me. Comedy gold, I say! My one and only trouble was the language. You're using swears in it. Now, me, I don't mind swears (I tend to write them almost as much as I speak them) and I think that for the purpose of this poem, they suit quite nicely. But that doesn't mean there won't be people that go after this saying that the cussing takes away from the artistic character of the poetry and degrades the writer. I'm not saying you should listen to those people, but still, it could happen. All in all, great poem.

Hey Wife!

Oh wow, you've explored your inner poet. How wonderful, did you enjoy writing this? Because I have the feeling you did. At first I thought it was another love cliche poem about a break-up or some sort but I had faith in you! Of course, like always, you don't disappoint me. I loved the ending, as others have already said, its unpredictable. Ah, how the internet connection tears at our hearts. :'( The evil little heartbreaker...

Anyway, it was quite a simplistic poem with easy flow and no weird words that makes you pull out a dictionary. This means there isn't much to critique about it. It was really good, I liked it!

^.^)b
-Pink

Hello there

This was really funny. At first, before I got to the end, I thought we were talking about a man. Anyway, this was hilarious.

I need you. I want you.
Would you consider coming back?

No?

Burn in hell, Internet Connection.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts.

LIke I said, it was not meant to be taken seriously. I know it didn't flow or anything, I simply wanted to try it out and laugh a little.

Cheers!

Tanya

I agree with cupcake that it doesn't end the way you think it will.Well that was fun.

Keep posting!

borntobeawriter wrote:

Spoiler

I was going to click the 'submit' button on the tab. I couldn't find it. I realised it was hidden under a serious amount of 'unuse dust'. *coughs*

Yes, it's been a while, people.

So, this is my first ever poem. I'd love your opinions, but please, don't take this seriously at all.
Tanya

You died on me tonight,
you worthless piece of shit.

You’d made me dependant of you.
You’d made me love you.

I was good to you!
I treated you with respect!

Why did you leave me here,
alone, distraught and vulnerable?

Couldn’t Avoid contractions in formal writing. you have given me a warning?
A sign? One last chance?Does not make sense to me.

I need you. I want you.
Would you consider coming back?

No?

Burn in hell, Internet Connection.

I read your poem, and here's what I think about it.

I'm sorry that I think most of the phrases sound really unpoetic or unlyrical. While it's sure good to vent out your frustration/aggression (that what I feel you were doing when I read it, personally) through writing a poem, it's important to maintain a certain rhyme or flow. I see very little flow in the poem.

Ha ha ha!!! I've been on YWS after a year now, and that was the first piece I read since I am back. I am glad this was the one I read, it lightened me up.
Cheers!!

Um, I don't really know what to say. It doesn't end the way you think it will. Good poem.