When lilly woke she was in her bed. She shot onto her feet before relizing it was just a dream. She flopped down on the bed. A few seconds later, she watched in horror, as the closet slowly opened and a beast with glowing red eyes emerged...
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hello there
I enjoyed this! You start us off with this creepy feeling, with our pain character walking down a hallway at night... which is something that sounds pretty scary to me. It is only 11, but a clock is showing 3am @-@ This story is a great example of flash fiction, as Nate said. It seems like a monster or something attacks her. It has these big glowing eyes and she blacks out.
Make sure you capitalize Lilly here!
Phew! It was just a dream... I think... You should change 'onto' to 'to' and 'relizing' to 'realizing', but awesome work! I love the ending... we thought it was a dream but turns out it might have been real... this leaves me with lots of questions and curiosity to know what this monster is and why it is trying to get Lilly. Is it really real or is she imagining it? Overall, nice work and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Your friend,
Ellie
Hey booklover1026! I think your story is a good example of flash fiction. It's a quick read with a small, self-contained plot. It's also a plot that any of us should be familiar with; dreaming is universal after all!
Despite not mentioning it was a dream until the end, I like how you insert small clues into the story at the beginning. One of the first things I thought was, "Why is she alone in school at night?", and my first guess is that this was probably a dream. Providing context clues like that to the reader is good writing.
I also like the way you end this with the dream becoming real! It kind of reminds me of an old Twilight Zone episode where the entire world is heating up because the sun is growing. However, at the end of the episode, it turns out it was a dream, and what was actually happening is that the main character had a bad fever and the world was actually getting colder because the sun was shrinking.
In that episode, the dream was a mirror of reality. I think if you did something like that here, it'd provide an additional twist that could provide that big "Woah" moment to the reader. For example, instead of a beast coming out of the closet, it could be a human child, and Lilly could be the real beast.
I hope you keep writing stories!