Published March 4, 2010
Just a thought, may comment (especially Filipinos)
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The 2010 elections are ages away yet the politicians are more than willing to spend "galleons" just to be noticed. When everyhting else went up, only the poor Filipino's government standards went down. I had been gravely disappointed with what was supposed to be a "momentous event" turning out to be a huge charade of hilarious and irritating caricatures that are traditional politicians. When these politicians are doing the politics traditionally, and masses would bite upon any drama that would unfold between here and eternity that is "May 10", I couldn't believe that Philippines had been worth fighting for. Is abstinence an option if from the potential alternatives, one cannot chose? Somebody opined that if one did, one is slumbering. He slept on his right to choose the what-could-have-been-future of the country. I agree not. For me, another option that is "good enough" alternative of what is good could never be good enough because sometimes a nonexistent property is a whole lot better than what the eyes could see, a half rotten crap of everything you could not have wished for.
Got to sleep , hope tomorrow would be of different shade.
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Hi bookgeek!
I'm a half Filipino.
Your piece was very well written and very persuasive. I'll agree with what BenFranks said. I'm totally okay with just one side of an argument, but its just so much better when you hear both sides. It gives you a chance to see what both sides are saying before taking a side. Besides that, this was quite good.
-Minister of High Hopes
Hiya, this was an interesting piece, but it could use some work. BenFranks already got my comment about this being one sided. However, there were a few other things I could nitpick, mostly on your writing style.
Ages away? Isn't 2010 this year? A few months might be along time, but it isn't "ages" if you ask me.
Why is this in quotations?
I don't like this phrase. It's very broad and could apply to a large number of things. When you say, "poor" do you mean literally broke, or "poor" as in down on luck? Also, I think, "Poor Filipino Government" would be better.
Is the date of the election? Not ages away, and again, this shouldn't be in quotations.
Is this part of your piece? If so, delete it. When you're writing anything that isn't a journal entry, you shouldn't make any references to your current situation while writing. Besides, there shouldn't be a space before the comma after sleep, and the sentence just doesn't make sense.
This looks like you've got a strong beginning. Just work toward filling it in. PM me if you need anything.
-Elinor
Okay, Hi there!
The non-fiction side of writing is something that I'm very passionate about and I admire it when people argue about world events. The problem that comes across to me here though is that it's very one-sided and heavily opinionated. This is fine, it just means you're going to divide your readers up and create friction. Sometimes, it's very important to talk about both sides of the argument, or it'll just sound like someone's moaning.
However, moaning can be a good thing in writing - especially non-fiction. The problem with it though is that you're only going to be able to sustain reader's interest by throwing interesting facts in their face every so and so lines or by by being humourus. And that's one of the greatest assets to non-fiction writing: the power to make other's laugh. Obviously you've touched on this a little by making this syllable packed line ending which sounds comically ranty and a great way to end:
And then there's the odd typo and grammar issue, such as this example:
Believe it should be everything.
Anyway, keep up the good work ~ you have a strong minded opinion which is beautifully powerful in non-fictional writing.
Hope this helps,
Ben