Darling dreams and fantasies that dance around my head;
A million possibilities but far too little lead.
I want to jot them down right here but emotions can’t be said.
There’s a thousand things that we can dream when we’re lying in our bed.
So don’t be afraid, just open your mind from the box that must be shed.
Fulfill your dreams no matter what, because without them we are dead.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,745 Literary Works • 673,686 Reviews
Thank ya'll so much! I love when someone other than myself can analysis my poems and help me out. I love it even more when I get complements
Thanks again!
Love from one writer to another,
xoxo,
blake!
Wow, that's very good and so true. My favorite lines are "A million possibilities but far too little lead.I want to jot them down right here but emotions can’t be said." It thought that was very cool. The only line that didn't sound completely right, was, "So don’t be afraid, just open your mind from the box that must be shed" because after the comma, if you read aloud, the words don't fit. I like the whole idea to it!
This is great, very likable. Keep on writing!
~Sky
This is cute. That was my ending perception of it, some nice, tidy lines than make an okay poem. Until that last line I was actually quite intrigued, I thought you might be going somewhere with the box imagery but ending on 'fulfill your dreams or die' is too unoriginal. In fact, it would have been better if said like that, at least then it would also be short and semi-powerful.
This needs some cleaning up. Maybe your rhyme is hindering you? I'd suggest writing down the ideas you have regardless of structure first to order your thoughts. Decide where you want the poem to go and then lose as little as possible when you bend it to the format.
It's like translating something into another language. The original wording has to give in places but you shouldn't abandon the beauty of your original intentions for the inferior element. Good structure makes a poem, bad wording devastates it.
I hope this has been of some help. If you have questions, feel free to pm!
Heather xx