Epic Wizard

Epic Wizard

“I turn you into a pig!”

Steve the wizard furiously waved his wand back and forth, his large gestures making the long flowing cape behind him flurry in the wind. He spoke with much pride as he had practice within his cottage, reading from various old spell books.

To complete his look, young Steve had worked long and hard sewing and completely embroidering a very fine robe. His blonde hair had grown quite long and he now had a beard to match it, although it appeared patchy. Before, he stood at the bed of the lake, looking at himself in the gleaming mirror. It didn’t take long before a smile curved his lips, as he found himself quite wonderful.

And now he stood at the top of the hill, facing his mortal enemy, Jeff. Yet, as he waved his wand to the tune of his dangerous words, nothing happened.

“I turn you into a pig, I say!” He waved his wand even more ferociously.

Just a few feet ahead, his mortal enemy Jeff wore a quizzical expression on his face. Slightly annoyed and curiously scratching the back of his head, he asked; “What on earth are you doing?”

“Shut up, Jeff! I turn you into a pig!” He performed several quick striking motions with the wand. “Into a pig! A pig!”

Suddenly, the wand dropped to the ground and Steve noticed his smooth transformation.

“No, I’m a pig now!” The transformed – would be human – Steve exclaimed, his voice getting more and more frantic by the second.

Enjoying, or rather, experiencing this madness from the view of a front row seat; Jeff was both astounded and horrified by this sight. Most likely, it was only shock the kept him from laughing at his assailant.

He watched Steve, now in the form of a quite large pig, desperately searching the ground around him. Obviously unable to control all of his legs, he rather sprawled back and forth on the ground, his movements looking very spider-like.

“Where is the wand?!” Steve demanded; his voice almost at a yell.

“Why the heck did you turn yourself into a pig?” Jeff asked, keeping his distance.

“No! That was you! I was going to turn you into a pig, Jeffrey!” Steve the pig snorted back.

Slowly walking in a circle around him now, Jeff replied; “Well I’m no pig.”

“I can see that Jeffrey.” He lamented.

Coming to a halt behind the strange pig, he could clearly see the wand lying directly behind one of the pig’s feet. Or rather, behind one of its hooves.

“It’s right there behind you.” Jeff pointed, but still kept his distance.

Steve the pig slowly moved himself in a circle until he could feel the wand right underneath his snout. “It might need new batteries; there was barely any response last time.” He nudged the wand forward with his snout and gazed up at the man standing before him.

“Right, when you tried to turn me into a pig?” The much older, Jeff replied sarcastically.

Clearly hiding his anger, Steve had to submit; “Can’t we just let bygones be bygones?”

Carefully kicking at the sandy earth and letting a few rocks go flying off, he scoffed. As he watched the little scared piggy at his feet, only a few moments went by before he leaned over and picked up the wand. It felt tiny in his hands.

“Let bygones be bygones? You just tried to do this.” He studied the wand closer, finding a small lid by the base. “Why do you even dislike me? I’m not sure I even know your name.” He slid the lid open to reveal two double AA batteries. “Is it Greg?”

“No, my name is Steve. Have you found the batteries?” He managed to get to his feet, clearly annoyed.

“Yeah, I found them.” Kneeling down beside the now standing pig, he turned the wand to reveal the open lid.

“Okay, just rub the batteries together, will you?” The pig watched as the man did so. “Alright, now point the wand towards me and yell ‘I turn you into a human!’ please.”

The man stood there for a moment, studying the wand in his hand. After hearing several grunts of impatience, he finally pointed the wand downwards and yelled; “I turn you into a human!”

Within seconds, the pig had morphed back into the form of the young wizard Steve.

“Aw-shucks, thanks a lot mate. I swear I have learned my lesson.” The wizard said enthusiastically, as he tried to straighten out his frizzy hairdo.

Though reluctant about finding any sort of truth or honesty in this, he was still glad this weirdness was over. “Very well, let’s hope you have.” He saw out of the corner of his eye that a couple of onlookers were closing in on them. “You keep this safe now, you hear? And don’t go around turning people into pigs.” He threw the wand back to the young wizard.

“You can trust me, dude.” Steve swore.

As Jeff walked off, following the small dirt road, the two onlookers stopped just a short distance away from Steve.

Never trust a wizard, Steve thought to himself as he got to his feet and began walking after the unexpected Jeff.

Roughly sixteen yards ahead of him, Jeff kept a good pace. However, he could hear slippers clapping on the ground; someone was chasing him.

Turning, he quickly saw the robe clad young wizard Steve running after him, trying not to trip over his own garments.

Realized he still might be transformed into a pig, he sprang to a run himself, intent on outpacing the crazed man. Yet, it was all in vain.

“I TURN YOU INTO A CHICKEN!” Steve yelled from the top of his lungs, while waving his wand around like a madman.

In an instant; Jeff transformed, not into a pig, but a chicken.

Behind the chicken, Steve had conjured up a small cage and when he reached the chicken that used to be Jeff, he simply scooped it up into the cage. As he closed the lock, he stared intently at the chicken and said; “I’m going to eat you, Jeff.”

The ultimate victory, he thought to himself.

Then he returned to where it all began, to pick up his cloak, which had unraveled itself during his chase.

“Where did Phillips go?” Asked one of the onlookers still in the area.

“Phillips?” Steve replied. He put the cage down on the ground.

“Yeah, Jeffrey Phillips, he was here with you just now.” The man gestured with his hands.

Realizing that he had transformed the wrong Jeff, as he had a terrible grudge against a man named Jeffrey Stone; he immediately began feeling sort of bad.

“Who are you?” He asked the young man.

“I’m his son.”

Unable to deal with the grief of separating a father and son, he quickly asked; “Well son, do you like chicken?”

“Sure, I love chicken.” The young man answered happily.

Exhaling slowly, Steve bent down and picked up the cage before handing it over to the son, “Here you go. And your father continued down this path here, so you’re bound to find him.”

Expressing his gratitude, both for the directions and for the, most likely, delicious chicken, the young man strolled down the path.

Hours later, Steve settled down into his favorite chair to relax and watch some television. Yet, one thought crept into his mind; why didn’t I turn that man back into a person?

Author's note:

I have no idea why Steve has magical powers.