Young Writers Society

Hi, this is Leela here for a review. I am not good at reviewing. I will just say what I felt.
This is a good poem. But I do agree with others that it lack emotion. I don't have ADD and had never heard of it. So I had trouble understanding what it is and why you feel all this pain. I think it would be better if you add some more details. You say you face problems.
You would have done a great job if you had said what they are.
I loved the imagery in the line about dam. I have been through some tough times and had felt like a dam about to burst, like I couldn't bear anymore. It really suits the situation.
There are lot of mispelt words(For example,"contral' for " control" and "aford" for "afford"). It kind of stopped me in middle and wonder what you really meant to say. You could always see preview before publishing. It would have helped avoid these errors.
With some imagery and details this poem would have been great.
Keep writing.

Hi.

The author of the poem did a very great job at narrating his or her feelings. A story of his or her painful experiences. One thing that lack in this poem is the emotion. The reader knows that that someone is in pain. It has room for improvements to be made. The author could go deeper and express it to the audience. It is to make them feel what was written in the work. (The show 'not' tell technique.)

Also there are misspelled words found in the work. It can be intentional or just typographical errors. For example, (there*-instead of they are) it makes a reader confused on the message. The author's poem is about "Pain" hence it needs deeper emotion.

Overall, it was still a great poem.

~WanderingCloud

Hello! Cailey here to review even though it's always ages between my YWS visits and reviews. I decided to do some reviewing today though and I am glad I did and glad I found this poem. It feels like such an honest and vulnerable poem, and I think it's absolutely amazing when writing can be vulnerable. After all, that's what it's all about, isn't it? Bearing our souls for the world to read?

Anyway, I love what you've started with this and I think you can keep going! I think that you could do so much more for the reader with pulling them into your situation. Give us more detail, more emotion. You say "How could you know how much I deal with" and I think this poem would be so much stronger if you showed what that is, since it still isn't clear to me as a reader. What specifically are your problems? Don't be afraid to make this longer and to add more. Show us what this speaker is going through.

That being said, I also love the images you do have in here. The line about the dam is great because it gives us something to really see and an image to hold while we read. Because I don't have ADD nor know anyone close who does, saying "I have problems" is just so abstract and I can't connect at all. But saying there's a dam about to flood, that I can visualize and I can connect to it in some way, because although I don't have ADD I can also have situations that make me feel like there's a dam about to burst.

Try to find more images like this and your poem will be even more relatable to a wider audience! Cheers and happy writing.