Young Writers Society

Continued from Part 1

She had a great laugh. It was the kind that set you off as well. That made you laugh along with her not caring if you thought it was funny. I think I just liked being a part of what made her smile like that. I liked visibly seeing her warmth.

Eventually she calmed but was still clutching onto her sides. “Ok…Ok…my go,” she said, gasping.

I swallowed my next laugh but maintained a playful smile. “Make it a good one.”

“Oh I will,” she smiled back just as playfully. “Just give me a second to think.”

It’d only been a week since I’d told her I thought she was beautiful. I hadn’t really meant to. I’d never told anyone they were beautiful before. I just felt I had to tell her. It wasn’t like I expected anything from it, she’d made it quite clear from the beginning that whatever was happening between us was never going further than our windows. I just wanted her to know that someone thought she was beautiful. Maybe it was selfish of me to put that on her, I didn’t know. I didn’t really care. Now it was like I’d never said anything though and I couldn’t be sure if I was happy about that or not.

“Alright, alright. I’ve got one…First kiss with…details.” She propped her elbows on the windowsill, facing both of her palms upwards so she could perch her chin on them and stare at me, daring me to say no.

“Oh man, really?” I cringed, knowing that the story was not one I liked telling people in general, let alone a beautiful girl I might like a little too much.

“Reaaaally,” she teased.

I rubbed the back of my neck, already self-conscious and I hadn’t even started. “Err…right. I was thirteen. Her name was Cindy Duncan. She was the prettiest girl in my class.”

“Well aren’t you lucky.”

“I certainly thought so,” I admitted. Cindy was damn pretty and definitely out of my league. I seemed to have a thing about going after girls I couldn’t get. “It was after school round the back of the sports hall,” I continued. “I am quite the romantic.”

I saw her face light up with amusement. “I can tell.”

“So I kissed her and I just remember it being very wet…”

She let out a laugh and I smiled sheepishly at her, knowing that wasn’t the worst of it. Her face sobered and she leant forward. I noticed the cardigan that she always wore slip from her shoulder slightly, revealing the skin of her collar bone and I gulped, looking away swiftly.

“Oh god…it gets worse doesn’t it?” she asked, obviously misreading what I was reacting to.

I checked myself, trying to get a grip, and glanced back at her. “Unfortunately…”

Watching me, she waited for me to continue and I took a deep breath. “So we were erm…going at it and I thought that was the best moment to…go a little further…”

“You didn’t…”

“I did. I reached my hand up and squeezed her boob…” I winced the entire time I was saying it. I was just a kid but there was no excuse really.

The laugh that came from her was loud and long. “Oh god…what…what did Cindy do?” She managed to get out between giggles.

I knew at this point I was probably bright red but I had to go on. It wasn’t like this could get worse…I hoped. “She kinda screamed and then gave me a swift knee in the balls. Then the next day she told everyone in school I was a pervert.”

She had the decency to grimace at that. “Bet that was fun.”

I leant against the frame of my window with my leg propped up. “Yeah…let’s just say I didn’t get a whole lot of dates for a while.”

“Well…you did squeeze her boob.”

I looked up at her, faking hurt and noticed the amused look had returned to her face. “I was thirteen! I had…impulses! It’s not my fault!”

She held up both her hands. “Alright, alright…you have those impulses in check now though, right?”

I sulked, mocking her meanness and she laughed at my expression.

“That’s good to know,” she smiled.

“Although…” I ran my finger along the window ledge and noticed her eyes following the action as I raised it, brushing my index finger along my lower lip. “Everyone should give into their impulses every now and then.”

There was a pause where her smile faltered but it soon returned. “You’re impossible.”

I was looking. I was essentially realising what it must be like to be a curtain twitcher or a peeping tom. I couldn’t believe what I was doing and yet I was doing it.

Standing behind my curtain, making sure my body cast no shadow, I held one edge of the material away from my window and peered through to where he was shuffling around his bedroom.

This was ludicrous really. All I had to do was make my presence known, open the curtains, lean out my window and we could have a talk but instead I remained still, watching.

Initially that is what I had meant to do. I’d meant to talk to him because even though a part of me was scared about what he might be becoming, the other part so desperately clawed to be near him, to hear his voice, that I couldn’t deny the urge. The feeling of being at war with your own mind was a strange one and tiring.

As I’d just been about to draw the curtains aside I noticed him grab for a towel and my body went rigid. He was going in the shower. If he was going in the shower then that meant that perhaps instead of seeing his muscles under the thin material of a top…I could just see his muscles.

Part of my mind went into a frenzy and now here I was, waiting, like some pervy old woman watching the twenty year old kid across the street for kicks.

Movement in the bedroom doorway made me lean forward slightly, my heart pounding, excited almost. Then he was there. Drying his hair off in the doorway with the towel I’d seen him leave with. After a moment he pulled it away to reveal a mess of damp chestnut hair. I let my gaze wander, travelling down, past his dark eyes, over his inviting lips and arriving at his torso.

He was lean but nicely defined. His skin was still slick with water and as he moved I saw muscle and sinew shift beneath the surface. It looked like he worked out sometimes and I was glad for it. I bit my lip. This was so wrong but I couldn’t deny that I was enjoying myself.

I watched him walk forward and noted the cotton pyjama bottoms and thanked god they were there. That thought made me smile. At least I knew I wasn’t that pervy.

He reached a small cabinet, pulled a drawer open and grabbed what turned out to be a cotton top. I was somewhat disappointed when the thin material covered his bare skin but I still watched him.

I was beginning to sort of like the idea of him not knowing I was there. I liked being able to see him when no one else could. I liked watching the subtle changes in his expressions, learning his face. I liked him.

My heart lurched as I thought it and almost as if he could hear me he began to walk to his window.

Instinctively I pulled the curtain tighter in front of me but made sure I could still see him. He leant an arm above his head on the window and looked towards where I stood hidden.

I studied his face. He sort of look disappointed, sad almost. His eyes dropped for a second and then he looked up again and it felt like he was looking directly at me. I flinched away from the window and threw myself out of the living room, slamming my back to the wall in the hallway.

My breathing was ragged and my heart pounded against my ribcage. I might’ve found it funny if I wasn’t so scared. He was looking for me, waiting for me, and something in his eyes sent a cold stab of realisation through me. He liked me too much but what was worse was that I thought maybe I felt the same.

I promised myself I would never get in too deep again. I couldn’t fall for this guy. How could I have been so stupid? I’d let him get too close and there was no way I would let him have a chance of hurting me.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I lay there for a while, listening, starting to wonder if I had imagined or dreamt the sound. My room was silent.

I considered closing my eyes and trying to sleep again when a handful of taps that sounded like stones assaulted my window. I sat up, listening again.

“Hey! Hey you! Uh…Window guy!”

I sighed. It was her. The girl who hadn’t spoken to me for months, who’d drawn me into this little world by our windows and then just totally disappeared on me. I really did not want to talk to her.

“Oooi! I wanna talk to you!”

Hanging my head, I ran a hand through my hair and then pushed my sheets away and got up. I clicked the lamp on by my bed to shed a little light and then trudged over to the window.

I pulled the curtains aside to see her stood in her living room wearing a black dress that barely covered her top and bottom. I might’ve liked it if I wasn’t half asleep and pissed.

Around her shoulders was an oversized leather jacket that was clearly some guy’s coat. Her make-up was smudged, as though she’d been crying and her hair was scruffy.

I just stared at her. Guess she hadn’t been missing me much. Reluctantly I pushed the window open.

“You!” She shouted, wobbling slightly. She was drunk.

“Had a good night?” I replied, trying to keep my voice calm and removed. I didn’t want her to know I was bothered by her disappearing act.

“No! And it’s all your fault!”

I leant forward, clutching hold of the ledge tightly, trying to keep my cool. “That so?”

She snatched the jacket from her shoulders and thrust it forward. “You see this? You see what this is?”

“A leather jacket?”

“Exactly! Some really hot guy gave me this jacket at a club tonight!”

I scowled. Why was she telling me this? Did she want to rub in the fact she obviously wasn’t interested in me?

“I hope you’ll both be very happy.” I tried to turn away from the window, intending to leave her to her dramatics but her voice stopped me.

“No!” she screeched.

“No?” I asked, coming back to the window.

Again she wobbled and had to clutch at the wall to steady herself, the jacket slipping through her fingers to the floor. “We won’t be happy because I couldn’t…I couldn’t…all I could think about was you!”

My stomach dropped and I didn’t know whether to be happy or mad. I didn’t know what to say to her. In reality I barely knew her but no one I’d ever known had had this effect on me.

Anger started to win out. How could she say something like that to me after avoiding me for months? I felt like a toy. I didn’t understand her at all and she wouldn’t let me understand her.

I clenched my jaw, trying to contain myself. “And what…what do you want me to do about that?”

She slumped to her knees on the seat in front of her window. “I want…I want you out of my head. I want to stop liking you. I want you to stop being so nice. I want…I want you to disappear!” She began to cry, tears leaking down her cheeks and I saw a glimpse of the pain I’d witnessed on that New Years.

I just stood looking at her, feeling my body go numb, my mind not able to process the words she’d said or what I was feeling. I didn’t want to deal with this anymore. I didn’t want to look at her.

“Ok…” I murmured. “Consider me disappeared.”

Mostly he kept his curtains closed and I couldn’t blame him. I thought about that night a lot. About how drunk I was, how I’d said things I wanted to pretend I never said. But no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t take any of it back. I missed him. His easy smile, the way we talked, his voice, his little quips.

To begin with I’d sat at the window a lot, hoping he might eventually forgive me or come back so I could apologise. I’d never seen him once though. Not even a flutter of the curtains. It really was as though he’d disappeared.

Eventually I gave up and rarely went near that window. I warred inside my mind because surely this is exactly what I wanted? I’d wanted not to be confused by him, not be too reliant on him, not to like him as much as I did but if it were possible I probably thought about him more now. I had such a sense of loss it was ridiculous.

I was sat on my seat by the window now though, curtains propped open, cardigan pulled tightly around me against the cold. Maybe I secretly hoped that tonight of all nights he’d come back. Or maybe I was being foolish and this night was only really important to me.

I leant my head against the window frame and waited. Time ticked by. New Year came and went with fireworks and sounds of happy revellers but he didn’t come. I sighed, my breath making a small cloud in the frigid air.

I closed my eyes and wondered if I might fall asleep here and maybe I’d dream about him. Dream up an apology and see him smile and maybe I could stay there, in that place.

“You’re gonna catch cold.”

My eyes snapped open and met his dark brown ones. He was sat on the ledge rather than on the floor this time, his knee hitched up as he watched me. His expression gave nothing away and I opened my mouth, thinking about everything I wanted to tell him, all the apologies I’d practiced for this particular moment but nothing came out.

“Happy New Year,” he smiled. “Sorry I’m late.”

I breathed out, trying to steady my nerves. “Happy New Year. I…I thought you wouldn’t come.”

He laughed softly and leant his head back against the wall. “I thought I wouldn’t either.”

I grimaced, my chest tightening with guilt.

He must’ve noticed because he tried to catch my attention, “Hey…” he murmured. “I’m sorry.”

“No!” I basically shouted at him.

He looked startled for a second and then cocked an eyebrow. “No?”

“I mean…please don’t apologise to me. I should…I should be the one apologising to you. I’m so sorry for everything I said that night. I didn’t mean it. I was just scared and drunk and I didn’t want you to disappear at all. I really…I really missed you.” It all tumbled out of my mouth so fast that I wondered if he’d understood it all.

I watched him carefully, waiting for a reaction, waiting to see if he’d accept my apology. He pulled his head from the wall and considered me. “Everything?”

I felt my eyebrows knit in confusion. “What?”

“You’re sorry for everything? Even for liking me?”

My face felt hot and I looked away. “Ok…I did mean some things. I did…I mean I do…” I glanced up again. “I do like you.”

He was smiling widely now. “I like you too and…I missed you as well.”

I smiled back at him and we watched each other for a while, smiling like idiots.

Then suddenly he seemed to decide something and sprang up so he was stood on the ledge. “Fuck this.”

My heart lurched. We were three flights up and he was stood on the outside of his window. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Move out of the way,” he commanded.

I didn’t know what else to do so I did as he said. I moved but I still protested. “You can’t be serious! It’s too high!”

He flashed a smile. “Worth a try. Gotta live a little, right?”

Before I could protest again he was already in the air, leaping across the void between our two flats. I screamed and grabbed for his arm, grasping hold of him as one of his feet landed precariously on my window ledge. He nearly faltered but I dragged him through the window and we landed in a heap on the floor, breathing heavily.

I pulled myself out from under him and wacked him hard in the arm. “Don’t you ever do that again!”

He grinned up at me. “Scout’s honour.”

“Are you even a scout?”

“Nope.”

Brushing myself off I scowled at him the whole time he clambered to his feet. He was taller than I had expected and maybe a little broader when I compared him to my size but not in a threatening way. More like if he were to circle me in his arms I’d feel safe, secure.

He moved closer to me and I stared up at him, conscious of our proximity and how it made my skin prickle and sent a tingle up my spine. I liked it. He was real. He wasn’t just that guy who lived across from me anymore. He was in my flat, in my life instead of separated from it.

“So…what now?” I whispered, not sure myself or any surer that he’d have an answer.

A gentle smile lifted the corners of his mouth and he raised his hand.

For a split second I thought he might grab me by the waist and pull me into him and I found myself not minding if he did. Instead though he took a small step back and offered his palm for a handshake. “Hey, I’m Jake. Nice to meet you.”

A nervous laugh escaped my lips at how ludicrous but apt this action had been. I raised an eyebrow at him and then, after a moment’s consideration, I took his hand in mine and gave it a firm shake. His hand was strong and warm. It felt nice.

“Hi, Jake. I’m Lexi. Nice to meet you too.”

Jake broke the handhold first and glanced around my living room. “Great place you got here, Lexi.”

I went along with it, amused. “Yeah…neighbours are hell though.”

He chuckled. “That must be fun.”