For my one and only, forgive me.
I was never there when you needed me.
I was too busy living that I didn't notice you dying.
And I'm not talking about the disease that killed you, but the spark that left you.
I think that between the lines I did notice,
When your wife died you stood on the balcony and said " I can't keep my promise."
I remember the time you stopped talking about your past and instead started asking me about my future,
Like you knew you were leaving.
On your death bed,
You told me that life was beautiful and asked me to "move on and forget."
For my one and only, forgive me. I can't keep my promise.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hello, Steggy here for a short review!
The idea you use for this poem is a little cliche. In today's culture, this is not cliche as most people would think. There are some people who think that this type of poem is relatable (which I can because *points to nonexistent love life*).
In this first stanza, I like the pleading that the speaker has towards it's only lover. I think that's going to grow into something more as this poem continues. When I read the first stanza, for some reason, I think about a weary teen (almost like Romeo and Juliet style, without the killing) who is writing to their love. Also, as I said before, this poem is full of cliches. But I think that's what brings the best out of this poem.
So in this stanza, the cliche would be the remorsefulness of not being there.
Also with this line: I was too busy living that I didn't notice you dying. It should be in two separate lines, like, for example:
Onto the next stanza:
So, was this an affair or? That's the feeling I'm getting. In most poems, you shouldn't be blunt about the feeling the speaker has. Sure, they feel sorry about the spark leaving the person they love but don't compare it to a disease. Basically, leave out the part about the disease.
The last line, I'm confused. You don't mention anything about a wife dying. You should, at least, softly mention an offside relationship so the reader can relate some sadness towards the speaker.
The ending feels a bit rushed because I want to know why they are on the deathbed (one word). But, I like the repetition you have with the 'for my one and only, forgive me' because it gives a sense of sadness to the reader. They can't get rid of the person in their head, even after they die. I think a lot of people can relate to this.
This was a nice poem that could use some improvement because it had a raw emotion behind it that anyone can relate to.
If you have any questions, let me know!
Steggy
First of all thank you for your review.
i believe that the poem was not very clear for you,or maybe just wasn't clear.
The kind of love i was talking about is the one you find in a father,grandfather,mother...
Also,i did not compare the spark to a disease, that person was literally ill and that caused his death, but for me he was dying in a different way,when you leave life before life leaves you.
I don't know if you noticed the promise, "I can't keep my promise" he said when his wife died, and at the end i said the same thing, the promise to move on and forget that we both couldn't keep.
I hope i cleared a few things for you,again thank you for your review.
Hey, Dogs here for a review!
But, before we do get into the review, this is something to know!
Hey, welcome to YWS! My name is Dogsrule5, but call me Dogs. Welcome to our fun, and amazing community! I know you'll love it here. If you have any questions, comments, and/or concerns please let me know, and I will answer them to my best potential, as soon as possible!
By the way, sorry for the late welcome.
Anyway, on to the review!
So, you have a beautiful piece here.
So to start off, I really loved how you started and ended with the same line! I love this effect, in poetry. I use this often in many of my works. It's something many readers loved, and I'm glad you did this.
This poem was filled with emotion, which makes it good, and more meaningful. When you put emotion, into your poem, it means that you tried to write a good and meaningful poem.
You have a nice flow to the poem.
The only error I see is one little problem. I'll point it out below.
Two little errors that can easily be fixed.
In the second line of the quote you say "And asked me to move on and forget." I would put quotation marks about "move on and forget," because that's what he asked/told you to do.
The second thing is that in the last line you just need to capitalize the "i."
I'm so sorry I'm very nit-picky, and if I sound harsh to you, I don't mean to be, I just want you to be a better writer than you already are!
Title: You have a great title for the poem. You start and end with the title ("For my one and only") The title is what drew me in to read the poem, which is what you want! Because if it draws the reader in to read it, more readers will read it... (If that makes any sense xD)
Overall, I really loved this piece. It was filled with so much meaning, emotion, and tons more. I really enjoyed reading this short, sweet, and emotional poem.
I hope to read more works from you in the future!
Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs
Hello dogs,
I fixed the errors you pointed,and i really appreciate it.
I'm glad you loved this piece,Thank you for you review.
x
It's no problem, always glad to help a friend!
I'm also glad I could help, and I'm glad you went back to take your time and fix those errors! 
good story but i say you need to put this in the short poem category also i love the emotions you put into the poem. Over all very good job
Thank you for your review,Captainearth. I'm glad you enjoyed this poem.
x