Young Writers Society

Hey Andge!

Fellow Green Beret! Your friendly co-captain sliding in with a review for you mere minutes before Review Day ends.

Okay! Wow. I liked this. Brief, concise, to the point. Very nice.

I like how, even though there wasn't a clear rhyme scheme, you made this flow nicely. Your pace was wonderful. Your topic even better. I can honestly say I adored this poem!

Keep writing!

~Shady

Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. I love the rawness and the artistic simplicity of it. It's short, so it doesn't dilute the message or the emotions behind it at all; well done. I have to say, that I was a bit dismayed as I read this, because I couldn't find anything wrong with it. So I'm afraid that this is going to be a dreadfully short review.

My favourite part: Well, I couldn't pick so...

I never knew that the infinite
Could ever provide sanity.

I never knew that the worst things in life
Could ever be welcome.

I never knew that the jump
Could be more important than the fall.

I never knew that forgetting
Could be possible.

I never knew that life with no purpose
Could ever be worse than no life at all.

I never knew that love could be possible
For someone who's broken.

Hello there band! Dogs here with your review today! I think you make some excellent points in this poem and you have some really wonderful lines. The third stanza is just flat out marvelous, wonderful writing and just a perfect metaphor so to speak. I love that bit of your poem. Although, I do have a few nit picky points.

Firstly, the repetition of "I never knew that" is not doing many favors for your poem. Reason being is because when you use the same line in the same place in a stanza every single stanza, your writing becomes predictable, and once it becomes predictable it starts to lose the readers attention. And that should be an immediate red flag to you as the writer. I think you could certainly repeat "I never knew that" in several lines, just not in such a predictable fashion. Perhaps do it every two lines or some other "random" formatting you chose.

Although I simply adore that third stanza in your poem, it seems a little out of place in the grand scheme of things. Your talking about how your living a life with a broken heart and one with no purpose, but than this meaningful line in the middle of everything pops up and it seems odd. I would suggest you do one of two things: Either cut it out and stay true to your original plot for your poem, or modify your poem so it bends itself around this theme. Basically even if you took that terrible fall, it's the chance you took in jumping that really matters. At the risk of sounding cliche: "Why do we fall master Wayne? So we can pick ourselves up" (Alfred from Batman movies). Possibley one of my favorite quotes, so maybe you can play around with that idea.

I think you have a great stepping stone for your writing, it reads smooth and you have some good points. Although you stray off point a little bit, but that can easily be edited. Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh

Hello bandgeek101,

EnchnatedPanda here to review your poem!

I really enjoyed the sweetness and simplicity of your poem and the underlying hopefulness that is obvious when reading. It's got a nice message that there is always some sort of salvation even when soemthing bad happens. It's a common theme, but a good and very important one, and I enjoyed seeing how you explored it. Perhaps the most notable flaw in this was the shortness of it. When i read it I felt like you could have perhaps delved further into the emotions and feelings, but really you just skimmed the surface and never really touched on the mass of powerful paths you could have taken in this. This probably explains the shortness of this as well, I would have enjoyed this more if you had evoked power and had an impact on the reader through expanding your ideas and looking at this from a different angle rather than the cliche on which we see a lot with poetry like this.

I never knew that the stars
Could ever provide sanity.

I never knew that the worst things in life
Could ever be welcome.

I never knew that the jump
Could be more important than the fall.

I never knew that giving up
Could be impossible.

I never knew that life with no purpose
Could ever be worse than no life at all.

I never knew that love could be possible
For someone who's broken.