Young Writers Society

Love from a completely different point of view, and it's a rose. Like it very much. The way it shows the rose as the love progresses then fails. I really like that it didn't focus just on the mushy gushy part of love but also the sad part where sometimes love fails.

Hey! Well, I should probably warn you in advance, I am very harsh on love poems, and this will likely be no exception.

You saturate this poem in a vat of cliches: roses, mushy words that are overused to the point of being flat ("close to your heart/Filled with love..."), et cetera. It makes the poem lose its sense of depth and emotional impact because it lacks an unique edge or genuine quality. It's redundant, outdated, and overworked. The metaphor is tired and it doesn't really tell us much about you or the relationship personally. You're also so quick to make the metaphors blunt that you strip them of their poetic nature, and they don't form a full picture so much as they create a bunch of jumbled and disjointed ideas that don't really work to evoke any emotion.

Okay, so as I warned, this was a rather harsh review, and in all honesty, it's not as bad as I've probably made it out to be. This is actually a decent poem, it's just nothing new. Try playing with more abstract concepts and see where it takes you.

Keep writing, and best wishes. xxx

Hey there! Now I haven't reviewed much poetry so you'll have to forgive me for brevity. I did really really like this though. The message is simple, to the point, but also emotional despite being so straight-forward. The only real thing I would say that could improve this further would be to merge some of the lines. In many poems, short lines work well; but in this one, I think longer lines would make it feel more winded; the current format is a little too jostling for an emotional piece. So like...

"I am a rose,
Sitting in a vase
In the middle of a table.
Filled with the hope
That this will never end."

I would change to,

"I am a rose, sitting in a vase in the middle of a table.
Filled with the hope that this will never end."


I realize that this cuts down the vertical length of the poem, but I think that it becomes more powerful with the same words. The way you have it set almost feels forced; like you were obligated to have a particular line count. Sometimes a few quick sentences are better than creatively spaces lines. Still poetry, but different effect.

Of course, that's just me. Even just as it is, I enjoyed it

Heyheyhey BandGeeekk101! Found you

Well uhm, I am new here so like I don't really know what to do for reviews. Well, I will get to it.
I like this poem alot, but it seemed a bit bumpy, hard to follow. You may want to try different words, to make it flow a bit better. You may also want to change the positions of the stanzas, like in the last one "Given by a lover, who needs a second chance." Right there you could break it off like this.

"I am a rose,
Dead and whithered.
Given by a lover.

Who needs a second chance?"

It seems to go with your poem more, because the message I received from this was about you questioning love...

Well yerp. Imma bounce. Toodles!<33 (GREAT POEM BTW)

Hello there Geek! Dogs here with your review today! I noticed that you're relatively new here to YWS so WELCOME TO YWS! Let me know if you ever need a review or anything and I'd be more than happy to help you out . Anywho, onto ze review. Llama already covered the important bits I was going to touch on, the grammar is really an extreme necessity for your writing. Especially in this piece.

Reason being is because using no grammar is only effective if it is obvious when a new sentence starts and where one ends. Also where the natural breaks are, when I read through this it's difficult to find those natural breaks and the reader gets a little difficult. Of course, grammar is entirely up to the writer so I'll leave this all to your own discourse.

On another note, I think that you should expand this out a tad bit more. Don't go straight from the lover giving his amor a rose and than BOOM the rose is in the street. Flesh the description out a little more and have the rose perhaps enjoy some romantic evenings over some wine and a homemade dinner. The rose observing these two being cute, yada yada, something else more substantial to put it.

Also, when the rose goes out into the street, make it more demoralizing and heart breaking. Perhaps have it be ran over by a car and swept away into the gutter with the rain. Add in something just is truly heart breaking for the reader.

The last stanza is pretty dark stellar. Love the writing there. All and all a good piece, but needs just a little more info. With some editing this could be an excellent poem. Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh

hey there bandgeek!
This is a very interesting topic you have chosen here, about love and broken hearts. But you could make it more dramatic by adding punctuation, so that it will be read slower.

I am a rose,
Given to a lover.
Held close to the heart,
Filled with love.
For awhile...

I am a rose,
Thrown into the street.
Soaked with rain.
Listening to the shouts,
Of a broken heart.

I am a rose,
Dead and withered.
Given by a lover,
Who needs a second chance.

Otherwise it's wonderful. The minimalism adds to the feeling.