Young Writers Society

This is definitely what some girls think when in love. The part with the dancing and falling, that was a clever way to bring that romantic phrase into the poem. I thought that some of the parts in the firs stanza were a little too long, but I guess you wanted to keep it at four lines per stanza. That was really all that bothered my slightly.

I want to start off saying that you gave me a very fuzzy feeling, even though I'm not a particularly romantic person. Hehe.

Now, in contrast to your other work, I think the way you've formatted the lines here works extraordinarily well for this poem. It drives each point in a powerful way, bringing up images in the mind one at a time. It's an effective story-telling technique that leads from one to another, investing the reader.

The only real flaw I find in this poem is the third stanza; it almost seems...out of place? While she's been focused on only one guy so far, suddenly she's with friends and wondering who is "Mr. Right." But who else is there to consider? The sudden implied introduction of extra characters and then the immediate dismissal draws away from the main focus. I would go back and change that some.

But overall, this was great. I would be quite proud of drawing someone as non-romantic as I am into this. That's something

This is amazing you first caught me in the first sentence. Because i think that this is a very relatable topic which is good when you write. However its is hard to tell if this is a first or third person poem and that should be explained quickly. But a every one knows nothing is perfect and i like it was short and sweet.

Hi! Simba here with a review for you!

Let's get started off, shall we?

First of all, your tenses are inconsistent. You go from simple present to present continuous and I think it would be better if you stuck to one or the other.

Another thing, ellipses are not needed in the last sentence.

"She stares at him
From across the room
Watches his intense concentration
And wonders, "Perhaps, he could be thinking about me"

Other than these things, I liked this poem! It was short, sweet and simple, and made me blush because of all the cheesy goodness.


Keep Writing! I'm sure you'll get even better!

hey,
I am umaima and I will be reviewing your work today!
First of all I would like to say that this piece was good not great but worth giving it sometime. the lines that I liked most were:

"She stares at him
From across the room
Watching his intense concentration"
and
"She stares at her friends,
Who laugh and giggle"

It was a nice poem but I would like you to check your punctuation in it (Not that I check it too...lol) and another thing rhythm was really like not in this poem, even if you do not create a poem with equal lines in each stanzas you should always try to make it in a way such that the reader reads it in a flow.That's what lacked in this poem

That's it. Keep writing and you will get better and good luck for your future works