Lily tugged on Ezra’s sleeve. “When are we gonna go?” she asked. It was her fourth time asking.
“Soon, really soon now.” Ezra told her. She groaned and turned went back to pacing the room.
Lily could hardly sit still. For one thing, this was her first time in leggings. She kept waddling around, trying to get used to the rough brown fabric against her legs, and earlier she constantly complained that the belt cinching her slightly-too-large shirt in place made everything itchy. It wasn't until after he had changed out of his heavy armor and into a similar outfit with some light mail that she believed that they were ‘special’ travel clothes.
“Ezzz.” she whined.
Ezra quickly ran through his list one more time. [i]An extra blanket for Lily, a good coil of rope, the waterskins, my cloak…[/i] It all seemed to be there. “Ok.” he said. “ Do you have your cloak?”
A grin spit her face, and she quickly grabbed the garment sitting on the bed.
Ezra helped her with the clasp and then smiled. “And if anyone asks you’re doing a few chores for Cook, right?”
“Right!” she said, bobbing her head.
“That’a girl. I’ll meet you outside.” Lily quivered excitedly as she pulled the large pack over her shoulder. It hung to her ankles, so she balled it up in her arms. Ezra opened the door for her, and Lily slipped out, hobbling down the hall with the weight of the pack.
Ezra assessed his weapons one more time. His old sword was already sheathed and hung at his side. He checked the dagger one last time, and then strapped the case to his thigh. Now just to give Lily a head start, he thought with a frown. His old scar was itching again, like it normally did when he was stressed. It seemed foolish to give Lily the pack to carry, but he couldn’t argue with the point that almost all of her actions went unnoticed. And if secrecy is what the Princess needed, then he’d be sure to comply.
They had planned out the rest of the trip earlier that day. They were to meet in the courtyard’s garden right before a shift change. No one went there except some of the kitchen boys when Cook sent them to gather what had grown. Clause had left a few remedies that he thought could potentially help with the ‘official’ business he was on, and Jessiah and Anthony would continue to hold meetings to make it look like the Princess was simply caught up in her duties.
He waited a few more moments, pacing his small room, before slipping out to the hallway himself. Ezra headed back to the old spiral staircase that he always used. The path wasn’t exactly well-lit, but the torches still provided more than enough light for him to make his way comfortably. He began to hurry once he reached the bottom, and dipped left order to avoid the kitchen traffic entirely. A few minutes later he made it to the door that lead to the gardens.
“Woah.” Ezra halted and stared, gaping at the outdoor world. Clause had given him the same herb that Lily had last night. He had expected for everything to just appear lighter, he never expected it to look so beautiful and full of color. The bushes and plants glowed a shimmery-green, while the old stone path beneath his feet was was composed of several shades of purple. Ezra rubbed his eyes and blinked several times to ensure that what he was seeing was real. It was simply breath-taking. The only gaps in color was where the dark earth itself remained unveiled by the foliage and the black sky above.
Finally Ezra shook his head and followed the path to where the rest of the party was waiting. For the most part their clothes shone different shades of blue, though a few objects looked as purple as the ground beneath their feet. What was truly amazing, though, was their faces. They were all shimmery and light, but their distinct features, like Katiandra’s sharp cheekbones and piercing eyes, looked like it had been chiseled into the light.
“Isn’t it pretty?” Lily whispered excitedly. “You can see everything once the lights are out, and it’s all in funny colors!” Ezra nodded and smiled.
Will was the last one to arrive. “I’m all set, though I think that people are more likely to notice my absence then yours.” he said, addressing everyone.
Clause merely shrugged. “Not much we can do about that. We ready though?”
Everyone nodded. Ezra drew in a breath, but took the lead. He knew the shifts and guard rotations better than anyone, it wasn’t too difficult to avoid everyone.
“This is much too easy.” Katiandra murmured after they had been walking for several minutes. “A single spy with your knowledge could undermine all of our defenses.”
Ezra didn’t say anything. The thought had crossed his mind too, but he still struggling over the vast amount of secrecy that was going into this operation. No one but Jessiah and Anthony knew of their plans. And now he was sneaking past the very men that he fought beside?
The group walked in silence for another hour. Lily was doing well, though it was obvious that the girl was already growing weary. Nevertheless, she held to her earlier promise to not ask to be carried until Ezra told her it was safe.
“That’s far enough, Ez.” Clause finally called. “We’re in my woods now. Nobody’s going to be patrolling in these parts. Ezra heard him rifling through the bag. He pulled out the a waterskin, took a long draught, and then passed it around it everyone else.
Katiandra threw back the hood of her cloak. “How far is it to your cabin?” she asked.
Clause wrinkled his brow as he thought. “Maybe another thirteen hours? We’re stopping at the mushroom ring to sleep though, that’s only two more hours out.”
“Why a mushroom ring?” Will asked as he passed off the water to Ezra.
“It’s mutual ground. No one can harm you there.”
“Are we worried about being attacked so soon?” Katiandra asked.
Clause shook his head. “Not necessarily in this neck of the woods, though it’s better to play it safe.”
Ezra gave Lily the water. When she finished she passed the waterskin back to him. “I can take the pack, Clause.” he offered.
Clause waved off his words. “Give me that skin- you’ve got another load to carry.” he said, glancing at Lily. “And I’ll lead from now on.”
Ezra moved away as Clause took the lead. “Do you want a ride now?” he asked Lily. Too tired to respond, she simply held out her arms. He hoisted her up and settled her into a comfortable position on his hip. Lily clung to her neck and rested her head on his shoulder. “Silly girl,” he whispered. “I told you to sleep a little before we left.” She only buried her head deeper into his shirt.
He sighed and stroked the little girl’s hair. It only took a few moments for her to fall asleep. The Princess, noticing his slower pace, paused to wait for him.
“How is she doing?” She asked softly.
“Sleeping now, my Lady.”
“Katiandra.” She corrected. The princess sighed. “Ez, how many times do I need to tell you to drop the formality? I’m actually more at risk if you don’t speak to me as if I’m your equal.”
“Old habits die hard, I suppose.”
A faint smile made its way to her shimmering face. “You always were so proper.”The group walked in silence for the rest of the way. The trees were getting larger as they progressed, and the underbrush was so thick that Ezra doubted he would have spotted the trail Clause led them on. The woods sounded placid and peaceful, though he could still see the occasional yellow flecks of life just off the trail.
Finally they came to a larger clearing. The mushroom circle stood at the center, and glowed a soft blue. “Is this it?” Will asked.
Clause nodded as he flung down the bag. “We’re safe here, let’s take a rest.
Katiandra motioned for Lily to come next to her, and the two girls quickly settled in for the night. Will did little more than collapse into a heap, Ezra suspected that his injuries weren’t fully healed. “Clause?” he asked.
“What now?” The man was to his back.
“How does a ring of mushrooms keep us safe?”
“Take your pick of legends. Maybe creatures more fabled than dragons enchanted them, or maybe they represent a larger contract with life that not even human instinct can forget.” Clause stopped talking for a moment, but when he didn’t hear Ezra move, he added “You can actually sleep. The rings haven’t failed me yet, I don’t think they’re going to start now.
Soon Clause’s breathing became more even. Ezra stretched out his stiff muscles, but still refused to lay down. He had never gone to sleep without ensuring some sort of watch rotation was in place, and he wasn’t going to start now. He yawned, but moved to fish his cloak out of the pack before sitting down. He tied on the garment, drew it tight over his shoulders, and then sat down as he took the first watch.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Hey! Cello here for a quick review!
You had a really interesting story line and some great dialogue.
I suck at praising though so on to the edits.
(I added the periods into the command so avoid it activating) The [i.] for italics only works in reviews or on wall posts. If you want italics on stories, you highlight the text and click the I at the top.
I think I noticed this mistake a few other places too but I'm not sure. You can only use pronouns when referring to the subject in the sentence (Or the subject in the previous sentence). "She' in the sentence is referring to Ezra, although you're clearly trying to refer to Lily. Just switch out the pronoun. 'Lily groaned'
This is something I used to (and still do) struggle with. "notice my absence then yours.” he said,' this needs to be "notice my absence then yours,” he said," The sentence is still going so you need a comma at the end of the quote. Now, don't get confused, it's fine to use periods in quotes, just not at the end. (ex:"I really like dogs. I hate cat's though," she said.)
Great story! Keep up the good work!
-ChocolateCelo
Thank you so much!! I am absolutely terrible with grammar, and I'll be sure to make not of your comments and fix that throughout my work!
Hey, I'm back again with another review! I really like this story so far, and I can't wait to see where it goes.
I like all the little things you put in here that show off the characters' personalities, like how Ezra feels guilty about sneaking around his comrades. The Lily-Ezra relationship is really adorable and sweet.
There are a couple of issues with grammar and what-not, but they're barely noticeable. I can tell you did proof-read, but sometimes even that won't catch everything. I'll try to point out some of the larger ones. I'm gonna be a bit nit-picky this time around.
You have html around these this sentence, and it didn't quite work. The italics really don't work very well on this site, and I don't know how to fix them. What I usually do is type stories somewhere else, like ms word, and then copy-paste them. Usually you have to re-format them afterwards, but I take that as another chance to proof-read.
There should be a comma after "Finally"
The second "it" should probably be a "to"
You have an omitted word here. Is that a faint smile?
One last quotation mark after "rest."
The story is really enjoyable so far! You're style is great for this kind of writing, and the whole thing has very nice flow to it. You're a pretty incredible storyteller, and I can't wait to see more from you!
-Evvy
Thanks for the tips! Unfortunately I am terrible when it comes to grammar; I really appreciate you pointing those mistakes out to me!