¨Jessiah! What is the meaning of this?” Clause roared as he flung open the door. He stormed into the Council Chamber with two poor soldiers hobbling behind him. One of them had burns on the side of his face and sooty holes in his clothing. The other was a ghastly shade of white.
“A summons? I told you I was finished!” The aging man’s salt-n-pepper hair was falling out of it’s tale. He reeked of horse and sweat, and his leathery-skin was flushed red.
The entire assembly halted their conversation and turned to stare at Clause. Ezra maintained his post as a guard well, though the sight of the the odd man tempted him to smile. It had been years since Clause left the court- Ezra had been a child at the time. I guess time away from people didn’t help his mood, he noted
“And these are the ‘soldiers’ you sent?¨ Clause continued, seemingly unaware of the party present. ¨You ordered kids into my woods? You’re lucky they came back at, all you reckless old man! Just look at them!”
The withered councilman leaned back in his chair and laced his fingers across his stomach. ¨A pleasure to see you, Clause.¨ Jessiah said softly. He turned to the princess. ¨Princess Katiandra, allow me to present to you Lord Clause Tafani, wilder expert.” He smiled as Clause’s red-hot anger was instantly replaced with shock.
¨My Lady- your Majesty...¨ Clause sputtered. He clenched his mouth shut and bowed stiffly.
Katiandra cocked her head to the side. For the first time in years, a glimmer of amusement danced in her eyes. It warmed Ezra’s heart to see the Princess he had spent so long protecting in such a mood. “Shall we skip the pleasantries, Clause? It appears that they still are not your strong suit.”
She glanced at the weary and injured soldiers before continuing.“Thank you for coming on such short notice. There is much I wish to discuss, though I think we all are due for some rest. My guard-” she said, jutting her chin towards Ezra, “shall notify you when we are ready to reconvene.” Katiandra stood, and Ezra moved to open the door for her.
“Two hours,” she murmured as she walked past him. “Here.” Ezra nodded slightly, but she didn't give any sort of indication that she noticed.
The councilmen filed out swiftly. Clause, finally having the chance to speak with Jessiah, walked next to him as the two brought up the rear. Clause looked annoyed again, but the councilman was relaxed and held his patience.
Ezra straightened up the Council Chamber before he left. All but two of the sixteen chairs around the old table needed to be pushed in. The fire in the fireplace opposite of the door was dying down, so he fed it another log from the stack beside the grand hearth. He ran his fingers through his dirty-blond hair and took one last look at the room. The scrolls still rested on the table instead of in the cupboard near the door, but he decided against moving them. He was running out of time for his break.
Ezra walked out of the room and carefully shut it behind him. He could see a small girl was waiting for him just a little ways down the torch-lit hall. Her skin was so pale that it practically reflected the glow of the soft flame, and her bright blonde hair was a rumpled mess.
¨Hey Lily,¨ Ezra said as he knelt down to the little girl. ¨What are you doing up here?¨
Lily looked up at him and grinned. Her blue eyes sparkled as she spoke. ¨You said you’d be back for supper, but when you didn’t come I first went to go ask Cook for something and then I came up here. It’s too noisy to stay in the kitchen, and Cook always says I get in the way.¨ she pouted. ¨That was a long meeting. Please don’t be mad that I stayed up and waited!¨
Ezra grinned. His own stomach growled for food. ¨I have to work again later, but do you want to get a snack with me? I don’t think Cook will mind. After that we can get you to bed.¨
Lily squealed with delight and held out her arms. Ezra groaned, but hoisted her up. ¨You’re getting too big for this, you know!¨ Lily only stuck out her tongue at him.
Ezra made his way to the narrow spiral staircase at the end. The steps were steeper than comfortable, and the humid air always left the dark stones slick. The stench of dying coals filled the stairwell, indicating that it was likely as many as half of the torches had gone out.
He didn't mind the darkness, though. His feet knew this passage better than his eyes. Ezra had taken to using the old staircase as a boy because it was a short-cut to the kitchen. Now, the breath of silence that the empty passage offered was a warm comfort.
It was only one short walk and a right turn from the bottom of the stairwell and the kitchen. Despite the late hour, the bright room was warm bustling with life. Several of the guards were seated at the long, heavy table that lined the right wall.They were taking the chance to relax as they warmed themselves with a good meal and found a reason to laugh with comrades. The smell of Cook's latest dish filled Ezra's nose and made his mouth water. The hunger he had been ignoring suddenly gnawed at his stomach, demanding attention.
Ezra pushed his way through the noisy crowd of men and claimed a clear space in the back corner of the table. He set Lily down, and then weaved through the thick crowd to the soup cauldron Cook had left out on the counter. The line wasn't very long, but every now and again some poor soul who had to rush to another shift cut ahead. No one needed to explain, and few even bothered to turn from their current conversation as a young man pushed his way to the front. Even Ezra had taken on extra shifts; there was mutual understanding among the guards that everyone would do what they needed to get a decent meal.
Finally Ezra was handed the old metal ladle. Steam rose from the pot, carrying the scent of the fresh stew Cook had whipped up. As thinly stretched as Cook's supplies were, Ezra was pleasantly surprised to smell the rich seasonings that were added to the mix of meat and available vegetables. He served up two bowls of the stew, ensuring that Lily's was mostly broth. No one questioned his double-portions. Ezra had been serving up food for Lily for months now.
¨Hey, I remember you.¨ Someone from the line gripped Ezra's shoulder. Careful to avoid spilling his meal, Ezra turned around as swiftly as he could manage, and met the wild brown eyes of the man behind him.
It was Clause. Now that he was no longer at his post, Ezra could tell that he had outgrown the old man. Not old, he reminded himself quickly. Clause had been a young man when he left the castle, and Ezra merely a boy. Older he may be, but Clause's powerful grip and authoritative demeanor were immediate reminders that he was not some old, feeble hermit.
Clause scowled as he studied Ezra's lank blond hair and green eyes, but they softened a bit when he noticed Ezra's scar. He lifted a hand and traced the mark that curved from Ezra's left eyebrow all the way down to the center of his cheek. ¨So you're my guide.¨ Clause muttered. "What's your name?"
¨Ezra, sir.¨
Clause’s entire face lit up ¨Well lookie here! Little Ez all grown up! I thought you looked familiar. You were what, six, when I left?¨
Ezra smiled. ¨Nine, actually.¨
Clause shook his head. “Both you and The Princess all grown up… I didn’t even recognize her. I should have guessed though, given that you’re still following at her heels.”
Ezra rolled his eyes. “We don’t exactly play together anymore. Both got roles to fill, I suppose.” He winced at the sight of antsy soldiers waiting behind Clause. “It’s good to see you, but how about we finish this conversation at the table? we’re holding up the line here, and I've got a little one waiting for her food.”
¨A little one?¨ Clause asked, incredulous.
¨Not like that- I’m not that old! Oh, come one.”
Clause quickly ladled himself some stew and followed Ezra to the the back of the table. ¨Hey Lily!¨ Ezra smiled. ¨I want you to meet somebody! Do you remember the stories I told you about Clause?¨Lily stopped to assess the man, and then frowned. ¨He doesn’t look old...¨
Clause burst out laughing. ¨So you’re Lily, eh? Well I’m happy you think that I don’t look old.¨ he gave Ezra a look. ¨So Ez has told you a few stories about me?¨Lily nodded as Clause and Ezra sat down on either side of her. ¨He said that you play with magic, but that people didn’t like you because it always made a really big mess that had to clean up.¨
¨I play with magic?¨ Clause frowned, and then made a big scene about looking around the kitchen. He leaned in close. ¨Would you like to see some?¨ Ezra smiled to himself. For all his surly act, Clause had a real soft spot for children.Lily gasped and then pinched her lips shut. She nodded her head furiously.
¨Clause-¨ Ezra began, but Clause shushed him.
¨It’ll be our little secret.¨ He carefully pulled leaf from his pocket. It looked normal enough, it was a light, dry green color with five points. Clause winked, and then gave the leaf a gentle twirl. The thing disintegrated immediately, leaving a shimmering cloud suspended just above Clause’s hand. Lily gasped as he blew the cloud towards her. The dust twinkled as it struck her skin, leaving a faint sparkle across her face.
“This will let you see in the dark for a little bit. Our secret, right?”
“Right!” The girl breathed wildly. “Ez, can I tuck myself in after this?”
Ezra sighed, but smiled. “Finish your food, then you can go.” Clause chuckled as Lily tore into her food.
“So, are you other escorts going to be alright?” Ezra asked.
Clause dismissed the concern with a wave of the hand. “I patched them up at the cabin. They’ll be fine, just need a good rest.”
“So what was it?”
“Hmm?”
“Clause, what got them hurt?”
He chuckled to himself. “Well, the one blockhead got into a plant that he shouldn’t have- made him sick as a dog- though I admit that the burns were my fault.” At the sight of Ezra’s worried face, Clause quickly added “I told you- they’re fine! It was just a bit of my security they walked into.”
Ezra shook his head. He had been a little concerned about the soldier with burns across his face. The soldier, Will was only seventeen, a good four years younger than Ezra, but the two were good friends. “If you say so.”
“Ez,” Lily interjected, “I’m gonna go now!” Her bowl was clear and she was twisting her wrists excitedly.
“Alright, sleeptight!” The girl leapt up to leave. “Lily, don’t spend too long trying out your super-power, ok?”
Lily grinned, “I promise!” With that, she darted through the crowd of men.
The moment she was gone Clause immediately lost his jolly complexion. “Ez, what’s going on? Old Jessiah is being as useless as ever, and Lily is the only child here. Not even the servants appear to be younger than twelve.
Ezra’s face fell. “War, Clause. War.” He slowly spooned some of his stew. “Do you remember Damarian?”
Clause furrowed his brow, but then shook his head. “It’s been a long time for me, Ez.”
“Damarian was the young student from Kenning- the kingdom a bit to the south of here. He studies the same things as you. Some say his work consumed him, others say that he’s possessed by some demon…” Suddenly the very thought of food made Ezra sick to his stomach. He shoved his bowl away. “He’s attacked the castle itself twice now. We couldn't protect the civilians here, so the survivors were sent into hiding. Lily isn't supposed to be here, we found her lying in the bushes after everyone had left...” He coughed. “We can’t take her to the rest of the refugees without risk of being followed, so I take care of her. She has a tendency to get under foot, but no one seems to mind too much.”
Clause stared at his food without responding. Ezra could only imagine what the man was thinking. He knew Clause lived a secluded life, but never would have guessed that an entire war could break out without his knowing. “I could have come sooner.” The man finally said. “I should have been here before things got so bad.”
“You needed some space, no one blames you for leaving.” Ezra slowly stood. “We should go, time to get to the meeting.”
The two men quickly handed off to their dishes to one of the cook’s men and made their back to the Council Chamber. Ezra took Clause up the back way. Now was not the time to run into anyone who’d wish to speak to Clause.
Despite having been injured, Will, the burned soldier, had taken up a post outside the door. Princess Katiandra, Jessiah, and another councilman that Ezra couldn't place were already seated when they arrived.
“Pardon my tardiness,” Clause said. “Your guard was filling in on some of the details of this war I had missed.” He sat himself down next to the younger councilman
“You’re not late, actually right on time.” Katiandra said. She had redone her hair, fastening her dark mane into a simple, tight, braid that made her hazel eyes appear more fierce. “I needed to converse with Jessiah and Anthony before your arrival.” So that’s the other council. Ezra moved to take up position by the door.
“Actually, Ezra, I need you here as well.” Ezra stiffened. This was unprecedented. Ezra was a good soldier, and sure she trusted him more than most, but he had never stepped out of his role as a guard. He took in a breath, and slowly moved to sit across from Clause at the round table.
“Clause will have no trouble with this, but I need everyone here to speak frankly. I don’t have time for formality, understood?” Katiandra asked.
Ezra nodded quietly along with the other men, though he didn’t plan on talking much.
“If that’s the case, Princess, care to tell me why I’m here?” Clause asked.
“Officially? We need your medical expertise. Damarian’s men appear to have unparallelled strength, and the wounds they inflict on my soldiers refuse to heal. If there’s spellwork at play, we need to know how to counteract it.” Jessiah explained to him.
“And unofficially?” Jessiah and Anthony turned towards Katiandra.
“To help me with a theory.” The Princess explained.
Jessiah sighed. “My Lady, you cannot put stock in an old fairy-tale!”
“Maybe you should let the expert be the judge of that!” Clause snapped. “What kind of tale are we talking about here?”
“Dragons.” Katiandra whispered. She lost her composure and began to tug at her wrist. “You used to tell me and Ez stories of when knights would ride into battle with them… I know, Jessiah has made it pretty clear that it was a child’s tale, but I was thinking, well, hoping…” she trailed off and stared at the tabletop. Her face was flush a bright pink.
“You want to know if you can find a dragon to help win this war.” Clause murmured. He crossed his arm and leaned back in his chair.
“Do you think it’s possible?” Katiandra asked.
Clause cocked his head as he thought. “I’m not sure. Unlike of Jessiah thinks, dragons are still about- if you know where to look- but they stopped meddling in our affairs a long time ago. I doubt anything short of a bond will work.”Everyone turned their puzzled eyes to Clause. “A bond?” Anthony asked. “What exactly do you mean?”
Clause groaned and rubbed his temples. “Think of it like a marriage. Dragons only bond with one other creature. For a while it was humans, now it’s mostly other dragons. But they’d do anything for their, uh, spouse- if you will.” He frowned and shook his head. “Even if we make it to a dragon that still needs a bond, I don’t know what kind of effect it’ll have on a human. You practically have to give your entire heart away.”
“Your Majesty, please.” Jessiah pleaded. “Even your expert has doubts. This entire mission seems much too dangerous.”
Katiandra narrowed her eyes. “The castle may not even withstand the next attack. It seems to me that there’s just as much danger in staying as there is in leaving.” She turned to Clause. “Can you find these dragons?”
“I have a few maps that might be of use at the cabin.”“Then I want to leave, tomorrow night. I already have the King’s blessing for this mission.”
“Woah now! I have one stipulation before I agree!” Clause interjected. “If you really think the castle won’t handle another attack, then we are not leaving a child here. Ezra’s girl is going to the cabin.”
“What?” Ezra exclaimed. He bowed his head the moment everyone turned to look at him. He cleared his throat. “Pardon my outburst, but is the trip really safe for a child?”
“I know my way around my woods.” Clause reassured him. “And you've seen the handiwork of just one of my defenses. I can’t think of a safer place for her to be- I even have an old friend that can look after her.”
“A friend?” Ezra asked cautiously.
Clause smiled. “Just trust me on this one. But, Princess, that is my one request.”
Katiandra nodded her head. “So it’s settled then. Now we just need to discuss the details of the trip.”
“For starters, you are not taking anyone with you outside of this room.” Anthony explained. “We fear enchantment among our soldiers- or worse, spies.”
“I appreciate your confidence in my skills as a guard,” Ezra added cautiously. His ears were burning red at so much attention. “but we need at least one other soldier with us- especially if Lily is coming during the first leg of the trip. I trust Will,” he added, turning to look at the door. “He’s young but he’s a fierce and loyal warrior.”
Katiandra nodded.
“No one else though.” Jessiah warned them. The threat of spies Anthony suggested is real. Maybe they’re willing volunteers or maybe they’re being controlled, but in this case more guards would simply be a greater risk.”
“My Lady?” Clause asked. “Might we continue this in the morning? The best plans are made with a sharp mind.”
Katiandra nodded. “Go, everyone get some rest. We’ll work out the details tomorrow.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Hello,


Okay, so I'm going to start off with saying that I love this so far! Your plot has me hooked and all your characters are likable. You have a great writing style that I literally cannot fault. There's also so many things going on at once which makes it really interesting to read! Also dragons are my favorite thing in the whole entire world, so I'm super duper excited about this!
There were a couple of small errors though which are easily fixed and are only really nitpicks because I can't find anything I didn't like about this piece. Okay, so the first little point I'm going to make I'm pretty sure you already know about, the italics aren't working. It's a small thing but if they were fixed it would make it just a little bit better.
'You’re lucky they came back at, all you reckless old man! Just look at them!” ' So here the only issue is that I think you have the comma in the wrong place. It's no biggie but it would make it easier to read if it were in the right place.
'Clause looked annoyed again, but the councilman was relaxed and held his patience.' Okay this is the only sentence in the entire piece that confused me. It made sense after a couple of times reading it, however it becomes confusing about who is holding their patience. I'm not really sure how to word it, but it might make more sense if you said that Jessiah was relaxed and held his patience. Or just ignore this paragraph entirely because it was probably just me being a numpty.
'¨Not like that- I’m not that old! Oh, come one.”' Okay, so the only thing wrong with this little bit is that I think you mean come on, not come one. Again a tiny little thing, but there were no big things that I could find wrong with this piece at all.
But at the end of reading that piece I really want to read your next part. All those things I mentioned are only small nitpicks, everything else was flawless and I loved it. I'm now going to go and read the next bit.
LOVED IT!!!! (That is the first time I've ever used caps lock in a review, I feel like your story is worth them because of its amazingness.) Okay, so I'm going to end my review here otherwise I feel like I might just make it last forever while I talk about how much I enjoyed it. I'm super exited about this!
Burninhell
Thanks for the review for catching those errors! (yeah I did mean 'come on'). I'll be sure to clean up the part about Jessiah and Clause. Glad to hear you liked it
!
Thanks for the review for catching those errors! (yeah I did mean 'come on'). I'll be sure to clean up the part about Jessiah and Clause. Glad to hear you liked it
!
Thanks for the review for catching those errors! (yeah I did mean 'come on'). I'll be sure to clean up the part about Jessiah and Clause. Glad to hear you liked it
!
Liked it is an understatement haha, and it gets better with the other parts!!!!
I shall review those later for you, just at work at the moment, and I dont want to rush them
Hey! I like this story so far, so I thought I'd just leave a little review.
Okay, things that I liked.
The introduction is very well-written. I especially like the little bit of humor that came with Clause's entrance.
Also, I love these characters and the way they interact! The way that they talk to each other seems natural and realistic based on what you showed us of their histories.
There's really only one thing that I have an issue with. In the last sentence of the first paragraph, you said:
"I guess time away from people didn’t help his mood."
The story is written in the third person and past tense, but this line is in the first person and present tense. You really have to stick to one tense, and writing in the first person in a third person story isn't very professional. It might be better to say
"It seemed that time away from people hadn't helped his mood."
or something along those lines.
The story so far is pretty intriguing, and I can't wait to see more from you!
Thanks for the feedback! I was trying to convey Ezra's thoughts (forgot that italics didn't show up normally), but I'll still change it to keep it in third person!