A cupboard stacked up with rags,
Of long forgotten importance.
Unwanted, kept aside,
Never to be used.
The white sweaters,
Marginally past their time.
The black jackets, in all their resistance,
Unable to beat the weathering.
Each month, each year,
A new batch of garments
Headed to ignorance,
But no disposal.
There was never the slightest worry
That the cupboard may give in to the pressure,
But the day had to be.
Boom! Smelly old rags everywhere.
Thus, the cupboard of old rags,
Now becomes only a cupboard.
And the rags find their place
In the waste bin.
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Canary word: Present
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Hey! Tigerlilly here for a review!
I really liked the comparison, the way thoughts are like sweaters in a cupboard. Its so true, that we always discard thoughts as if they will never build up, and then one day, BOOM! Smelly sweaters everywhere! I love how figurative this is, and I like the way the poem looks, in general. The punctuation was on point, even though I know you dont need to have punctuation, it really helps dramatize your point.
Overall, this was a great poem. I couldnt really find anything wrong with it! I look forward to seeing more of your work!
~Tigerlilly
Thank you so much!
Hi Awkwardadolescent, Darkthorn here for some review time.
I like the idea behind what you're trying to say: all the pent up, unmentionables we store away up in the old noggin', never fearful of that final straw that sends us spiraling to our dark place. However, I am here to nitpick and fuss about it, and that's what I shall do.
First off, placing it as one long-read stanza, sort of throws the reader off. It gives the reader a slight want to rush through the entire thing, because, that's technically what the brain does: it sees a piece of reading material running five miles long with no interval and switches to a tiny little mode called "skimming", where it glances through the reading piece and only picks up a word or two.
I think, (although this is just my opinion, as poetry is artistic byproduct of many guidelines) that your piece would read somewhat better if it was broken into five stanzas containing four lines each. Partly because of the fact that piece itself changes its subject of reference every four lines, and partly because of the fact that the poem seems to be an even twenty lines long.
Secondly, you might have noticed that I used the word "seemed" shortly before this. That is due to the fact, as the piece is now, lines 5 and 6 can be conjoined to form one line as you did with line 7 or that line 7 can be split into two lines, as with lines 5 and 6. This could change the entire meter of the poem, because it could either increase the poem by one line or decrease it by one line.
Thirdly, there also doesn't seem to be a rhythmic flow to it. Most poems normally have a flow meter layout, e.g: A-B-B-A or A-B-A-B etc. Just curious if the loss of the rhythmic layout was meant or accidental.
Otherwise, this was nicely done, and fueled by an amazing idea.
Thanks for the read.
Darkthorn
Thank you for taking the time to read my work! The rhythm was intentional, I guess. It was just a flow of thought and I hadn't done much analysis when I wrote it. And yes, the poem was intended to be different stanzas, but once I uploaded the document, it turned out this way. But thanks anyway!