Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
I'm cold,alone, afraid...
I can hear women screaming, children crying, feel the stinging flames on my face, see people lying motionless in the dirt, the metalic smell of blood stings my nostril's.
Chaos, numbness, can't move. Where are my friends, my family?. I'mhiding under a bush on a hill overlooking my village, my home.
Where is everyone?, whats happening? who are these scary men with swords? what ar.......
Lizzy jumps up in bed sweating. Looking around, she see's the same old room, her bedroom. "Just a nightmare, its not real, its all over" she mutters, hopping up. She glances out the window and sighs, foggy again.
After dressing in a warm, woollen dress she walked out of her roomand down the hallway into the kitchen. Sophia looks up as she enter's and smile's.
"Lizzy dear, what are you doing up so early?"
Lizzy took a seat at the small oak table and sighs before answering. "I just woke up and I couldn't get back to sleep"
Handing Lizzy a cup, Sophia poured her some fresh orange juice."Well Jack has gone to town on business, I love 'im but he really gets onmy nerves sometimes" Sophia continued on with her cleaning, chattering all the while.
Lizzy looked out the window into the distance, thinking of her oldhome...
She'd been so lucky to have people like Sophia and Jack. Only days after the destruction of her village, she'd stumbled shivering, into Sophia.Sophia had been on her way to the market
and when she had found Lizzy, she'd taken her straight home and practically adopted her. She had lived with Sophia and her husband ever since,but they didn't know her past, they didn't know it was always present, lurkingon the edges of her mind, waiting for the darkness of night, to drown her in itsmurky depths.
Pulling herself out of her thoughts and returning to reality, she focused herself on Sophia's excited talk.
"...izzy, your not listening again are you?" She scolded.
"Sorry Sophia, I'm listening now, what are you so excited about?" Lizzy said, apologetically.
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141,299 Literary Works • 674,335 Reviews
A great story idea! But I have some things to point out:
1. The grammar. It's not horrible, but it needs to be worked on.
2. Th construction of sentences. Some sentences are cut to another paragraph, it needs to be fixed. Connect them and it should be good.
3. Waking up from a dream/nightmare at the start of a story for me is a cliche. But I'm not stopping you from doing that. If it's necessary then do it
4. I LOVE your descriptions. I love the flow of it.
5. Lessen the "........" Because it looks kinda unprofessional.
6. I see some words connected together. "onmy" should be "on my".
Other than that, keep writing! You will get there
Hi, just a review of this so far.
The first section of this (the dream) is really intriguing and leaves the reader with a lot of questions, making them want to read more, well done! One of the only things I think you could improve on is the person telling the story. I know after the dream it's meant to be in third person, but I think I would find it a bit clearer if it carried on with the first person perspective. It would also give you the opportunity to describe more of how Lizzy is feeling.
Also there are a few little spelling errors here and there but I'm sure you can sort that out without me having to point them out
Looking forward to the next chapter of this story
sorry, I'm new and i accidentally sent another message. Oops...
Firstly Hello there, loved reading your story!
I'm human too so my own review may have some mistakes but I did my best. 
Overall, you write very creatively. I like they way describe things and you flow of action is great, not choppy or jumpy. Your dialogue is natural and enjoyable, and your characters and scenes feel natural. You just need to work on stronger sentence structure and grammar as a whole.
First I will address your grammar, I know it may feel like a small thing but reading a story with bad grammar is like trying to walk in a cluttered room.
I'm not going to correct every mistake, I'm just going to teach you what to look for and let you figure it out from there.
Your first sentence:
"I'm cold,alone, afraid..." should really be, "I'm cold, alone, and afraid."
It may not sound as dramatic with the "and" in there but it makes a much stronger sentence.
" I'mhiding under a bush on a hill overlooking my village, my home."
In this sentence there are two words smooshed together that need to be spaced, this is another thing I'm seeing a lot of in your writing.
I couldn't really understand why your character kept asking where everyone was, aren't they down in the village getting attacked?
So I rewrote this paragraph to give an example of how it could be stronger. Keep it, don't keep it. Make it better even. This is your story
Chaos, numbness, I can't move, and I'm completely alone. I'm hiding in a bush on the hill that overlooks my village, my home. Down below the people I love are fighting for their lives against strange violent men. I'm so confused, I've never seen these men before in my life. Why are they here? What could they possibly want? Wh...
Okay:
"Lizzy jumps up in bed sweating. Looking around she see's the same old room, her bedroom. "Just a nightmare, its not real, its all over" she mutters, hopping up. She glances out the window and sighs, foggy again."
Here I think it is important to mention in some way that the nightmare is something that had really happened to her in the past. Otherwise the reader will think it was "only a dream". At least I did, I thought it was foreshadowing or something at first. You clear it up later in the story but it will help your readers to let them know now so that they better understand what is going on.
"Sophia looks up as she enter's and smile's."
No apostrophe is needed in the words enters and smiles.
"Well Jack has gone to town on business, I love 'im but he really gets onmy nerves sometimes"
There needs to be a period here and on/my needs to be separated, unless that is just how your character talks.
Try not to over do the comma usage.
For example:
"She had lived with Sophia and her husband ever since,but they didn't know her past, they didn't know it was always present, lurkingon the edges of her mind, waiting for the darkness of night, to drown her in itsmurky depths."
Needs to be written:
"She had lived with Sophia and her husband ever since but they didn't know her past. They didn't know it was always present, lurking in the edges of her mind, waiting for the darkness of night to drown her in its murky depths."
Okay, I'm done.
Hope I didn't come off as picky or pushy. :/
Keep writing, I want to hear what happens next. ^.^
Thanks! I do need to work on my grammar. I'm going to rewrite the prologue and fix the grammar, I'll wait until I have several chapters written before posting more.
First of all hello! As far as grammar you just need to separate I'm and hiding. Overall it was amazing i don't have many corrections. I apologize if i missed anything