The
song has yet to be sung
Which
can harmonize my affection
To a
voice
Elegantly
enough for you—
You
who have
Repeatedly
untangled my spirit
From
where it lay spilt on the concrete.
Who
else has mended my wings
And
taught me how to soar?
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hey art99! DrLavender here to do a quick review for you! I hope you may find my notes to be of some use to you.
An interesting opening line! I mean this in a good way of course, because it captured my interest and made me want to read the rest.
Great way of invoking emotion! I couldn't help but feel a bit of sympathy and sadness because of the "From where it lay split on the concrete", but it also invoked hope because the spirit claims to be untangled.
A great ending! I particularly enjoy how you allude to birds in this, and even make yourself one in this poem. I like the romantic connection, it really brings out emotion and interest.
Overall, this was great! I can't help but follow you, because I want to see more of what you post.
Hey,atr99!Here for a review...
Loved your poem. Especially the way you used birds and wings to describe love. The poem is simply beautiful. But i think you can do a bit of editing.
Like the basic grammatical rules include capitalization,punctuation,spell check..It was good that you capitalized the sentences which usually other poems lack.But there is one small blunder.i.e you shouldn't have capitalized all the beginning letters of the sentences, because this interrupts the readers flow.
"The song has yet to be sung
Which can harmonize my affection."
These lines are very beautiful.It related with almost everyone's experience. The word 'harmonize' is a perfect word that depicts the urge to sing a song.
"To a voice
Elegantly enough for you—"
It's awesome the way you are trying to show your love in a song..but the word'elegantly' confused me a bit.What did you specifically have to use the word 'elegantly'? I'm sure you had a deep reason for that.
"You who have
Repeatedly untangled my spirit
From where it lay spilt on the concrete."
These line are wonderfully expressed.'.....untangled my spirit', 'spilt on the concrete.' these phrases added to the gratitude you had..which is described in the lines of that stanza.
"Who else has mended my wings
And taught me how to soar?"
Wooww!!!Does this part need any editing at all??!!All that I can say is 'PERFECT'.
Loved reading your poem....would like to read more of your works.Keep posting.
Hope my review was of help.
-Lily^_^
Hey, crobbins here for a review!
I love the idea behind this. The symbolism of the bird and the song create a strong meaning which I can follow along with. I interpret this as a person who loves someone, but cannot find the "song" to tell them how much they love them. This theme is very relatable, so I think everyone can read this and follow along, relating to it as they go.
I do have some nit-picks for you!
The capitalization for each line, in my opinion, tends to make it hard for me to follow when ideas start and stop. When you have capitals at every line, the mind tends to think of them as new ideas. So, when you have continuation of ideas per line, such as
"Which can harmonize my affection
To a voice
Elegantly enough for you—"
It tends to confuse you, making you have to read it a few times to understand it and extract the meaning.
But that's it for nitpicks!
Again, the symbols of the bird and the song and the wings are amazing! You also really know how to use words to your advantage- the short length manages to convey the message VERY well.
Overall, wow! Good job! I'd love to read more of your work!
-crobbins
Hello! Iamawriter here for a review!
We're going to take this piece by piece. Okay? Okay.
"The song has yet to be sung
Which can harmonize my affection"
I love the symbolizm here.
"To a voice
Elegantly enough for you—"
This doesn't quite make sense to me. Where does elegance come in? What do you mean?
"You who have
Repeatedly untangled my spirit
From where it lay spilt on the concrete."
I'm sensing some unrequited love? Regardless, I love this.
"Who else has mended my wings
And taught me how to soar?"
Beautiful, just beautiful. The symbolism is good.
Altogether a good piece. Keeps writing!