The Tree of Terror!

Hi. everyoe else seems to have covered everything so there's not much to say. i really enjoyed your story and will read the next part when you post it. * Star * i think you could get more of th other characters involved and maybe have them actually planning what they're going to do and elect a leader or something, but these are only suggestions.

Just wanted to let you know someone's waiting!!

Afeefah

deux ex machine

asxz wrote: and she was sent to an island in the middle of the pacific ocean with 49 other kids.


There were fifty kids with me.

The race began, some making it barely ten meters off of the ground. I was first – in made it almost thirty using the natural platforms that my tree had to offer (What are you trying to say here?)

I looked down and swayed. It took me almost ten minutes to get down, all the time thinking of how much harder it would be to get to the satellite.

In the end three of us ended up going

It took me a moment to realise (Realize) that I wasn’t in immediate danger.

I looked back.

That was a mistake in itself, but I couldn’t let Alex fall. His voice was low, his swear little but a murmur, but Crystal and I heard him.

I looked just in time to see a small twig flutter harmlessly to the ground.

Alex was fine; he had managed to grab hold of another, and his feet were already firm on the branches below him.

I couldn’t bear to let go. It was different this time. I had climbed this far before, but I wasn’t thinking about a branch snapping – just me letting go. I looked at my hands - my knuckles were already starch white. I couldn’t bear to let go –if I did, then I would be leaving the sanctuary of my safe little branch, for the unknown.

Another branch snapped – this time it was me. I had given up my knocking technique after a while, but I still hadn’t looked down since.

Not hard enough to imitate my weight, but hard enough to get a degree of how sturdy it was.

It fell, but I wasn’t suspecting that.

Half on-half off the tree, I watched the miniature branch as it spiralled towards the earth.

Swimming through my head were many things, but most prominent was; If I don’t grab a hold of the tree with all four limbs, then I’m going to be following the branch with more than my eyes.

Below me were the other two – they still tailed me like a dog,

then how could the higher one hold the tree of us?

As if by reading my mind, I watched in slow motion as Crystals’ hand slipped.

After a few more minutes we started to talk. It wasn’t wireless; there was a cable that ran the full height of the tree, but was twisted around the trunk as it grew upwards – almost like a vine in some ways, only this vine was black and pumped electricity through its stem.

“I thought you dropped out?” He ventured sceptically.

I cleared that up, then looked at him. He bore a worried look on his face. I could tell that it wasn’t about Crystal – she was gone, and no-one really knew her, but it was still a sad. No; he was worried about how we were to get the transmitter/receiver down.

I was bleeding from the lip and multiple places in the leg, and Alex had about ten to twenty scratches on each of his arms.

I was greeted with applause, then a grappling of forty-seven kids as they all tried to snatch the transmitter/receiver off of me, but I was unconscious from fatigue barely moments after my feet were on the floor.

Round Two!

None of us knew what to do – there wasn’t anything to do.

my watch was reading the time at about nine in the morning.

“Well, I guess we should find somewhere to sleep tomorrow night,” A small voice ventured.

turned their heads to the speaker – Sam

Rimu’s had cut off all sun.

All of us were instantaneously worried that we would never see the light of day again.

I wonder if he was thinking of land mines, as it seemed everyone else was.

Eighteen of us as hands help high

3...
2...
1...
GO!

Crystal Chirped in.

Woah... 5 A4.... You should cut this into shorter pieces.
Here is the first half of my review the next part will be ready tomorrow.

I woke up in stages. First I was aware of the hard floor as it breached my back. Then came the cold. It soaked up through my spine and sent shivers through my body. It was as if (though) I was in a freezer – at least below Zero. That was what made me open my eyes. I knew at once that something wasn’t right. (She didn’t get it when she woke up in an unfamiliar place?) The peculiar sight that met my eyes was enough to make me want to go home. Yes… I wanted home.
With the rolling storm clouds came the memories.
The thick grey vapour that painted the sky was (were) cumulus clouds.
There were fifty kids with me.
We were on a desolate island that shouldn’t exist.
We were doomed – no food, no shelter, no nothing.
Then, just when I was about to give up (Why was she already giving up?), I thought of one last thing from last night. It was scratching at me like there was an animal in my brain, gnawing for a way out.
Through the disguising coat applied by the night time, there was a breech in the wall of trees.
The speakerphone.
There is a way off this island – we just have (had) to find it!
I sat up – my eyes burning from the salt that lined the desert floor. I was surprised to see that everyone else was doing the same. Since when does everyone wake up at the same time? Then I remembered. We had been poisoned; drugged. They must have laced the food we ate on the plane. It was the only thing that made sense. They would have time it – so we all fell down just after the announcement. I was startled by my revelations – and I dropped out of school!
It was time to get up – I couldn’t stand being on the scratchy desolate tract any longer. I watched the others – we were huddled in a group – all fifty of us in the clothes we wore yesterday morning. Half of us still bore the back packs (backpacks) that we were instructed to bring – nearly all of them would be empty.
Others were on their feet – I registered the shock on their face. “Where are we?” asked a tall girl with a brown pony tail. “What are we doing here?”
“We’re on the island – remember? There is a way out of here – good luck,” I mimicked the crackly voice we heard yesterday. Even saying the words I felt a pit of despair in my heart. It grew until I felt like I would gag – our situation was hopeless.
I’d seen stuff like this happen in movies – we all had - but real life was different. And there wasn’t a line by line script to help us though. This was a game;(Why not: “,and we had been selected”?) we had been selected.
“Selection,” I tried out the word on my tongue. Since no-one had spoken since my last comment, it was my duty to rupture the silence. This whole thing it stupid – like yesterday on the bus I was waiting for the cameras to appear.
It was quiet for a few minutes, no-one dared to speak in case they said what was on all of our minds; we’re going to die.
The atmosphere was sullen, a deathly silence between us. None of us knew what to do – there wasn’t anything to do. We had to find food though – my watch was reading the time at about nine in the morning.
“Well, I guess we should find somewhere to sleep tomorrow night,” A small voice ventured. Everyone turned their heads to the speaker – Sam. He had said what no-one was daring to. He had signed our death warrants (I think he just pointed out something that would keep the kids alive longer.). Before there was hope that we were dreaming, but now it was final. As if deciding to do something about the situation made it real. There was a murmur of agreement through the crowd, but no-one wanted to leave. What might we find in the forest?
The brave few of us took a small number of steps forward. There was another silence now – sullen (you seem to like the word “sullen”)., as if deciding that fate was out of our hands. We were giving in.
***
As soon as we entered the forest an eerie aura surrounded us all. The misty haze through the trees was inexplicably sinister. No light poured through to the forest floor – none at all. It seemed as though it was night time already – a few steps in and the tall Rimu’s (?) had cut off all sun. All of us were instantaneously worried that we would never see the light of day again. A weary look back and our fears were confirmed. The hush that fell over us was projecting anxious expressions on all that followed.
We were cut off from the world – now more than ever. No birds sang in the trees, only the muffled crack of our feet on the broken branches that laced the forest floor.
“We can’t go in there,” Sam mentioned, indicating the dark passageway of the forest, “It’s too dark - we’ll never find our way back, let alone be able to navigate through the woods for hours.”
That was all the encouragement we needed. We all jogged backwards out of the trees until mild sunlight reached us – what little could penetrate the thick, rolling clouds.
“We need a different approach. There is a way out of here!” the all familiar tranquillity (tranquility) fell over us once more. My voice was the only sound on the island. No birds, no wildlife, no planes coming to the rescue. “We only need to outsmart them,” I needn’t say who ‘they’ were; our captors - the reason we were on this god-forsaken island.
One head turned, then another. It was as if the domino effect was taking place, and soon we were all facing in one direction. The speakerphone.
Everyone rushed over the runway; sprinting in a race that you couldn’t win(why?). We all reached the metallic contraption and stopped. The distant clutter of footsteps on tarmac gently faded, and all that existed was the speakerphone.
No-one dared to reach out – to be the first to touch it. Something could go wrong, something could go right.
After what seemed like hours, when we were finally chilled too much to stand around, a small boy from the last plane reached out.
He took a deep breath, and walked a few steps towards it. I wonder if he was thinking of land mines, as it seemed everyone else was.
The whole crowd drew in a last breath, and refused to release it until he had touched the sleek metal design. It sat low in the tree, about two meters up – he jumped up and tore at it. It fell to the ground, but before smashing on the forest floor it swung. There were wires in the tree, nestled among the branches and twisted up the hundred or so meters until it reached the top.
There.
Barely visible was another silver object. This time, every single inhabitant of the island knew exactly what it was and why it was there.
A satellite.
‘What do you reckon guys? Who likes to climb?” Some brave kids put up their hands - me included – but none of us really wanted to climb the tree. It was tantalizing though – the thought of climbing and being the hero of the pack.
Eighteen of us as hands help high – eighteen who wanted to prove their worth. It was decided that the person who could climb the tree the highest in one minute would be the lucky soul. Three dropped out then and there. We all chose a tree, one each, fifteen of us lined up at the forest edge.
A tall girl – Veronica she proclaimed – held her wrist watch high. It had a stopwatch, and she counted down.
3...
2...
1...
GO!

Hey, Asxz!

Here as requested!

(and if you can't remember requesting a review from Antigone, it's because I recently had a name change. Yes, I used to be the user known as Haruno Sakura)!

First I was aware of the hard floor as it breached my back.

It was as if I was in a freezer – at least below Zero.

That was what made me open my eyes.

With the rolling storm clouds came the memories.

The thick grey vapour that painted the sky was cumulus clouds.

Then, just when I was about to give up, I thought of one last thing from last night.

There is a way off this island – we just have to find it!

sat up – my eyes burning from the salt that lined the desert floor.

was surprised to see that everyone else was doing the same.

their face.

. This whole thing it stupid – like yesterday on the bus I was waiting for the cameras to appear.

we’re going to die.

THANK YOU! I really appreaciate it. I dont really read over the things I put on my blog, but now I realize how many mistakes I can make!
Thanks... and if you liked it, then you can check out the rest in the link in my signature...


Thanks again!

Here I am, as promised (: Well, I would like to say that his was a very interesting piece and it started off this the action right away. Though, it did kind of remind me of the Hunger Games. (: Well, on to the review.

I woke up in stages. First I was aware of the hard floor as it breached my back. Then came the cold. It soaked up through my spine and sent shivers through my body. It was as if I was in a freezer – at least below [s]Zero[/s] zero (I'm pretty sure that this can be in lower case letters). That was what made me open my eyes. I knew at once that something wasn’t right. The peculiar sight that met my eyes was enough to make me want to go home. Yes… I wanted home.

With the rolling storm clouds came the memories.

The thick grey vapour that painted the sky was cumulus clouds. (You repeated clouds a couple times here. Try to make it more diverse)

There were fifty kids with me.

We were on a desolate island that shouldn’t exist.

We were doomed – no food, no shelter, no nothing.

Then, just when I was about to give up, I thought of one last thing from last night. (Again you repeated another word. Last. It's alright everyone does it. Especially me (: ) It was scratching at me like there was an animal in my brain, gnawing for a way out.

Through the disguising coat applied by the night time, there was a breech in the wall of trees.

The speakerphone.

There is a way off this island – we just have to find it!

I sat up – my eyes burning from the salt that lined the desert floor. I was surprised to see that everyone else was doing the same. Since when does everyone wake up at the same time? Then I remembered. We had been poisoned; drugged. They must have laced the food we ate on the plane. It was the only thing that made sense. They would have time it – so we all fell down just after the announcement. I was startled by my revelations – and I dropped out of school! (I understand you put this in to tell us that she dropped out of school, but it's not needed. It just sounds weird. To me anyway)

It was time to get up. (I would just put a full stop) – I couldn’t stand being on the scratchy desolate tract any longer. I watched the others – we were huddled in a group – all fifty of us in the clothes we wore yesterday morning. Half of us still bore the back packs that we were instructed to bring, (I would put a comma. The dash dosen't flow right here) – nearly all of them would be empty.

Others were on their feet – I registered the shock on their face. “Where are we?” asked a tall girl with a brown pony tail. “What are we doing here?”

“We’re on the island, (I would use a comma, if you must. Get rid of the dash) – remember? There is a way out of here – good luck,” I mimicked the crackly voice we heard yesterday. Even saying the words I felt a pit of despair in my heart. It grew until I felt like I would gag – our situation was hopeless.

I’d seen stuff like this happen in movies – we all had - but real life was different. And there wasn’t a line by line script to help us though. This was a game; we had been selected.

“Selection,” I tried out the word on my tongue. Since no-one had spoken since my last comment, it was my duty to rupture the silence. This whole thing it stupid (Not exactly sure what you were trying to say here ): Sorry. )– like yesterday on the bus I was waiting for the cameras to appear.

It was quiet for a few minutes, no-one (No dash in between no one) dared to speak in case they said what was on all of our minds[s];[/s]. (Use a full stop and capitalize the 'w' in 'we're.' Much more dramatic that way (: ) we’re going to die.

The atmosphere was sullen, a deathly silence between us. None of us knew what to do – there wasn’t anything to do. We had to find food though – my watch was reading the time at about nine in the morning.

“Well, I guess we should find somewhere to sleep tomorrow night,” A small voice ventured. Everyone turned their heads to the speaker – Sam. He had said what no-one (Maybe it's me or maybe it's because we're from different place, but I didn't think there was supposed to be a dash in between no one. I won't say anything about it any more. Simply because I think it's because we have different ways of doing it.)was daring to. He had signed our death warrants. Before there was hope that we were dreaming, but now it was final. As if deciding to do something about the situation made it real. There was a murmur of agreement through the crowd, but no-one wanted to leave. What might we find in the forest?

The brave few of us took a small number of steps forward. There was another silence now – sullen, as if deciding that fate was out of our hands. We were giving in. ( You used 'as if deciding,' just a moment ago. Try to change one of them (: )

***

As soon as we entered the forest an eerie aura surrounded us all. The misty haze through the trees was inexplicably sinister. No light poured through to the forest floor – none at all. It seemed as though it was night time already –. (I think that a full stop is needed here.) a few steps in and the tall Rimu’s ( Try adding shdow right here) had cut off all sun. All of us were instantaneously worried that we would never see the light of day again. A weary look back and our fears were confirmed. The hush that fell over us was projecting anxious expressions on all that followed.

We were cut off from the world – now more than ever. No birds sang in the trees, only the muffled crack of our feet on the broken branches that laced the forest floor. ( I like how you describe this. With no birds in the trees, I felt scared for them *shudders* Good job)

“We can’t go in there,” Sam mentioned, indicating the dark passageway of the forest, “It’s too dark - we’ll never find our way back, let alone be able to navigate through the woods for hours.”

That was all the encouragement we needed. We all jogged backwards out of the trees until mild sunlight reached us – what little could penetrate the thick, rolling clouds.

“We need a different approach. There is a way out of here!” the all familiar tranquillity fell over us once more. My voice was the only sound on the island. No birds, no wildlife, no planes coming to the rescue. “We only need to outsmart them,” I needn’t say who ‘they’ were; ( I believe a full stop would be much better here ) our captors - the reason we were on this god-forsaken island.

One head turned, then another. It was as if the domino effect was taking place, and soon we were all facing in one direction. The speakerphone.

Everyone rushed over the runway; sprinting in a race that you couldn’t win. We all reached the metallic contraption and stopped. The distant clutter of footsteps on tarmac gently faded, and all that existed was the speakerphone.

No-one dared to reach out ( I won't comment any more about the dashes. I think it's the same mistake. Like here, a comma would do better. This seems to be the most common grammatical error for you)– to be the first to touch it. Something could go wrong, something could go right.

After what seemed like hours, when we were finally chilled too much to stand around, a small boy from the last plane reached out.

He took a deep breath, and walked a few steps towards it. I wonder if he was thinking of land mines, as it seemed everyone else was.

The whole crowd drew in a last breath, and refused to release it until he had touched the sleek metal design. It sat low in the tree, about two meters up – he jumped up and tore at it. It fell to the ground, but before smashing on the forest floor it swung. There were wires in the tree, nestled among the branches and twisted up the hundred or so meters until it reached the top.

There.

Barely visible was another silver object. This time, every single inhabitant of the island knew exactly what it was and why it was there.

A satellite.

‘What do you reckon guys? Who likes to climb?” Some brave kids put up their hands - me included – but none of us really wanted to climb the tree. It was tantalizing though – the thought of climbing and being the hero of the pack.


Eighteen of us as hands help high – eighteen who wanted to prove their worth. It was decided that the person who could climb the tree the highest in one minute would be the lucky soul. Three dropped out then and there. We all chose a tree, one each, fifteen of us lined up at the forest edge.

A tall girl – Veronica she proclaimed – held her wrist watch high. It had a stopwatch, and she counted down.

3...
2...
1...
GO!

The race began, some making it barely ten meters off of the ground. I was first – [s]in[/s] and made it almost thirty using the natural platforms that my tree had to offer. I looked down and swayed. It took me almost ten minutes to get down, all the time thinking of how much harder it would be to get to the satellite.

In the end three of us ended up going – me in front, a boy named Alex second and Sam third. We each knew that no-one wanted to go that high – the equivalent to a forty story building. It was a comfort that there were others, and it made sure that you would go fast, in case you looked like a chicken in front of the others.

I made it up the thirty meters without a problem. All I did was not look down. I had already been this high, and that was at least a reassurance. Then I stopped. A holler from below caught my attention. No one from the ground was talking, in case we looked down and it threw us off, but Alex called out. There was a snap of a branch, and my life flew before my eyes.

It took me a moment to realise that I wasn’t in immediate danger. Alex must have been –we had an unspoken pact not to say anything unless it was life or death.

I looked back. That was a mistake in itself, but I couldn’t let Alex fall. His voice was low, his swear little but a murmur, but Crystal and I heard him. He was five meters below me, and there was another five between him and Crystal. I looked just in time to see a small twig flutter harmlessly to the ground. Alex was fine; he had managed to grab hold of another, and his feet were already firm on the branches below him. I breathed out a sigh if relief, but my heart was still pounding, and my stomach had seemingly joined the spectators on the ground.

I couldn’t bear to let go. It was different this time. I had climbed this far before, but I wasn’t thinking about a branch snapping – just me letting go. I looked at my hands - my knuckles were already starch white. I couldn’t bear to let go –if I did, then I would be leaving the sanctuary of my safe little branch, for the unknown.

I could fall.
I could drop like a stone.
I could die.

“Come on, Cassie” Alex shouted, sensing my disagreement with the allocated plan. He was right behind me now and Crystal right behind him.

“Yeah… if you can make it this far, then the next few meters should be a breeze! You’re already half way to the top!” Crystal Chirped in. I knew she was lying, but it helped calm me a little. Enough to clench the right arm harder, and let go with the left.

I slowly moved my arm up, knocking on the branch for a few seconds before I trusted it. I grasped it tight, and moved my other hand up to meet it.

The progress was slow, but we eventually made it past half way. About three-quarters of the way there the branches started to thin. I was getting worried; what would it be like at the top?

Another branch snapped – this time it was me. I had given up my knocking technique after a while, but I still hadn’t looked down since.

I reached out with my left hand – the one that always left the branch first. I grasped it firm, and yanked semi-hard. Not hard enough to imitate my weight, but hard enough to get a degree of how sturdy it was. It fell, but I wasn’t suspecting that. My hand kind of followed through the action of ripping it free from its home. My entire body shook, and I was left with my left foot coming free too. Half on-half off the tree, I watched the miniature branch as it spiralled towards the earth. Swimming through my head were many things, but most prominent was; If I don’t grab a hold of the tree with all four limbs, then I’m going to be following the branch with more than my eyes.

Below me were the other two – they still tailed me like a dog, but I was getting weary. If I was finding branches that couldn’t hold my weight, then how could the higher one hold the tree of us?

As if by reading my mind, I watched in slow motion as Crystals’ hand slipped. She was already in the process of lifting her leg; and there was nothing to hold on to.

She fell.

Battered by the constant flow of branches, she writhed on her way down. Twisting and turning in the complex patterns, she gradually made her way to the bottom. Even from up here – some odd on hundred meters in the air – the gasp from the onlookers was spectacular. The prominent howl as everyone noticed her body, and then the sudden drawing of breath as she hit the ground. (Nice description. When I read this the first time, I was totally into it and I just had to read more. I was completely hooked here. (: )

This wasn’t a game anymore.

People could get hurt.

People could die.

The fluttering of my heart before was nothing compared to the onslaught I felt then. If there was ever a time to give in, it would be at that moment. But no – I couldn’t stop. I was within branches of the top – if it didn’t take me a minute to pry my hand off the branches and grapple at the one above, then I would have scrambled up the tree and unhooked the satellite then and there. If it didn’t take so damn long.

It took me and Alex half an hour to get up the next few meters. When we finally placed a hand on the silver dish, we agreed to stop and take a breather.

After a few more minutes we started to talk. It wasn’t wireless; there was a cable that ran the full height of the tree, but was twisted around the trunk as it grew upwards – almost like a vine in some ways, only this vine was black and pumped electricity through its stem.

“If this is transmitting, then it has to get wireless electricity. The wire would be the sound cable as the speakerphone wouldn’t be able to transmit this high. It would also be what received the signal – that’s what the dish is for – so the device could play the message we received last night. I don’t suppose it would be on tape recorder or else there wouldn’t be a dish up here. My guess is that it’s playing our conversations down on the ground back to home base – wherever that is.”

Alex was completely taken aback. If he wasn’t clinging on to a futile tree for dear life then he mightn’t have been able to stop himself from fainting.

“I thought you dropped out?” He ventured sceptically.

“I didn’t drop out officially – just failed school. I stopped turning up to most classes, but I still went when my parents forced me to.” I cleared that up, then looked at him. He bore a worried look on his face. I could tell that it wasn’t about Crystal – she was gone, and no-one really knew her, but it was still a sad. No; he was worried about how we were to get the transmitter/receiver down. That was what we went up there for, wasn’t it? (Much better stop to talk about her dropping out, though I think you should still keep some a mystery. After all, they're still in a tree, clinging for dear life (: )

In the end, I carried it down, Alex below me as before. He told me where to put my feet, but it was little help in untangling the wire. I felt a great urge to snip the wire and send the heap of metal falling towards earth, but I didn’t have any wire cutters, and I didn’t think that the purpose of this mission was to dig a burning crater into the ground.

The journey took us more than twice as long as it did to get up there – perhaps treble the time, but in the end we got down. I was bleeding from the lip and multiple places in the leg, and Alex had about ten to twenty scratches on each of his arms.

I was greeted with applause, then a grappling of forty-seven kids as they all tried to snatch the transmitter/receiver off of me, but I was unconscious from fatigue barely moments after my feet were on the floor. ( Not sure I liked how you stopped it, but it was good all the same)

Well I really liked this. I was interested from the begining. I can't really reveiw it at the moment (school) ): but as soon as I get home I'll give you a long, lengthy reveiw as promised. By the way, thanks for posting in my WRFF thread. (: *Star* I'm about to read the rest. Well, as soon as I get home that is (:

~Nicole