The Champ

For the most part, I think you did a commendable job. You used a wide range of imagery and some figurative language. My only real criticism though is the layout. The use of semi-colons seems to be a bit off. Also the ending stanza:why were there so many semi colons? I felt like where you put the colon is where you should have created a separate line.
This is a very good poem. I like the way you used sound and imagery. I didn't see errors, but don't take my word for it though... i'm not very good at catching mistakes! Racing is not a very fruitful topic in my eyes, I cant ever get anything out of it! but you made it look just too easy! I think you should be careful where you put semi-colons, as you seem to have put a few that are unnecessary. Other than that I like it a lot. I hope you make more poems like this one! This really sparked a question, which is awesome! Good job.

Arturo, this is quite nice. In the first stanza, you start rhyming (thunder / wonder), but then it stopped. I would of tried to continue the rhyme scheme. Also, I liked how you used good power verbs (storms, gazes...) Spell check will help (exhilaration) and grammar check. Remember you don't want to overdo it with the semicolons (think sentence variety and structure). Many times, you could just have started a new sentence. Besides that, I enjoy this and I like the title you picked. I see your grandpa will always be a champ in your eyes. I would have rhymed the last stanza (generation with maybe "imagination")

"Champion he was and will stay in our imagination" just saying. Good job, keep writing. Hurtado

Hello there and welcome to YWS! well first off I would like to say that I felt a bit of confusion at first. I was just wondering what exactly you were talking about. Fortunately, I did not feel this way by the end of the poem.

For the most part, I think you did a commendable job. You used a wide range of imagery and some figurative language. My only real criticism though is the layout. The use of semi-colons seems to be a bit off. Also the ending stanza:why were there so many semi colons? I felt like where you put the colon is where you should have created a separate line.

Overall I thought it was a creative and positive way to remember a person who obviously meant/means a lot to you and I liked that.

Hello there and welcome to YWS! well first off I would like to say that I felt a bit of confusion at first. I was just wondering what exactly you were talking about. Fortunately, I did not feel this way by the end of the poem.

For the most part, I think you did a commendable job. You used a wide range of imagery and some figurative language. My only real criticism though is the layout. The use of semi-colons seems to be a bit off. Also the ending stanza:why were there so many semi colons? I felt like where you put the colon is where you should have created a separate line.

Overall I thought it was a creative and positive way to remember a person who obviously meant/means a lot to you and I liked that.

Hey Arturo!

I hope you are enjoying YWS. I'm Paracosm, or you can call me Shino. If you ever need any help/reviews/just want to talk or whatever, feel free to PM me or catch me on the chat bar. YWS is a great place to hone your talent and make great friends. Now, on to the actual review!

Stanza One

I like this introduction, it read sort of old-fashioned. It brings back memories as a child playing with race cars. There's not much else to say so far. On to the next stanza!

Stanza Two

This stanza feels out of focus, there is also some wording that needs improvement.

Sitting side by grandpa,
Watching exhileration pass by,

These two lines especially need work in this stanza. You might want to try rewording to correct the fragment, and also, I suggest using a word other than exhilaration. Here's one way you could edit it:

I sit beside grandpa,
watching the streaks pass by.

I don't think exhilaration fits here, because it qualifies more as a sensation than something that can actually physically manifest itself in the sense that you use it. Other than that, this stanza is well written!

Stanza Three

I love the sense of nostalgia you know the grandpa is feeling. You might want to consider putting this poem in his point of view, instead of the current narrator's.

Stanza Four

Nice ending! It gives us a sense of the dynasty he has set. Everyone will try to surpass him, but no one will be able to. Whether it be because he was just that good, or our memories deceive us and embellish themselves.

Overall this is very well written. Keep up the good work, Arturo!

This is a very good poem. I like the way you used sound and imagery. I didn't see errors, but don't take my word for it though... i'm not very good at catching mistakes! Racing is not a very fruitful topic in my eyes, I cant ever get anything out of it! but you made it look just too easy!
It's this kind of writing that makes me proud to be a writer!

This is a very good poem. I like the way you used sound and imagery. I didn't see errors, but don't take my word for it though... i'm not very good at catching mistakes! Racing is not a very fruitful topic in my eyes, I cant ever get anything out of it! but you made it look just too easy!

This was a nice poem. I only have a few critiques. I think you should be careful where you put semi-colons, as you seem to have put a few that are unnecessary. Other than that I like it a lot. I hope you make more poems like this one! This really sparked a question, which is awesome! Good job.

I see that you are new to YWS, so welcome! Ok, here are just a few things:

Hear the roar; [The ; is not needed here, just use a comma]
Hear the thunder; [Same here]
Another car storms by
What a wonder.
[I like how the whole thing here is using the imagery of a storm]

Sitting side by grandpa,
Watching exhileration pass by,
He gazes in amusement
as he watches [Ok, already said he gazes, so saying watches is repetitive, just take this line out, it flows a little better besides]
and remembers.

Thinking back on times;
remembering with a
smile, that he too was
once a racer.

The beginning to a
generation;
The influence to many;
Champion he was
and will stay.
[I broke these lines up into a different way, Just a recommendation.

One more thing: the first stanza is just a little awkward as its the only one that has that
rhyme thing going on. My advice is to maybe change around the words some so it doesn't.
Then again, that's just a personal issue.

Great job overall! You didn't make any spelling mistakes, so that's always a plus.
I like the flow of the poem, and this is a great place to start. Keep writing!