Leafs trickle all around her,
Twirling down their spiral paths.
She turns the page of her book,
Breathing the fresh nature air.
The only sound is the singing of birds,
Chirping their happy songs to each other.
Her eyes gaze up at the tree she leans upon
And watches the leaves fall.
One falls on her lap
Gracefully,
She lifts the leaf,
Carefully placing it in her book,
Then closes it
With the leaf safely insinde.
She lifts herself up,
Letting out a satisfied sigh,
A smile slowly appears on her face,
As she walks away from her quiet sanctuary.
The world goes silent as she walks,
Voices are nothing but whispers,
Car horns are nothing but mice.
The only sound is her whistle
Flowing sweetly all around her.
She disappears behind the door of her house
The busy world picks up once more
And beauty is once again, ignored.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This reminded me a lot of myself! haha, not in the beautiful or graceful way, more just of the view of the world. The peace when you are outside and alone. I thought you wrote exceptionally well and it was really immersing, you drew me in completly. Great descriptions. Well done!
Wow this is simply beautiful (note the pun)... if this is a real girl I say give her this poem and go for it haha. Nah I was really brought in by your description: Just something I jotted down in a park, it really set a nice theme, now for the poem....
There are some really great images here, they are beautiful, for example:
Also your story behind it is really sweet too, the idea of being unnoticed but still beautiful and in such a beautiful place that you don't notice anything around you and closing the door behind you... sigh...
My only complaint would be I think you should try to show that she is cheerful without actually stating it.
Well done and keep writing
Wow! Ignore everything about this review for a minute or two. I just want to say how... sweet that was. I don't think sweet can describe your poem in one word, so I'm going to use a few more. Your poem engaged me and allowed me to think over how much beauty truly is ignored. I know that I hardly EVER look past my window. I hardly ever go outside! Your poem though, made me want to just talk a walk and enjoy the moment. Nice work with how simple you state beauty and yet how complex the underlying idea is. I don't know if you ment to do it, but either way that was the point I got.
My favorite part of Simple Beauty:
I loved this stanza! I like how everything becomes hushed and seems to slow, but as soon as she closes the door to her home, life starts to again become the rush we've made it. I didn't see any major errors, or any errors at all really, so give yourself a pat on the back (and maybe a cookie too).
Deathcurrent