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burning farewell

by arohivelentine


Goodbye, Oh god it's not really what's inside

For today for now I might be saying this to you

But forever I never want there to be a day without you

I maybe said it

But somewhere in my heart

Somewhere where the music starts

Where the lyrics shout your name

Where in the portrait of my memories you are one whose paint

I'll always be loving you for eternity-infinity 

I don't care what the God wants

But at this point My heart's crying

Denying the fact that you can't be mine 

For last, I lost from the destiny from the god

It's forced not want I choose 

But goodbye to you

THE ONE I LOVE THE MOST


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Thu Nov 14, 2024 12:39 pm
Ecl1pt1c wrote a review...



This poem, Goodbye, Oh god it's not really what's inside, is an emotional exploration of love, loss, and the conflict between personal desire and fate. It captures a moment of intense inner turmoil, where the speaker grapples with the pain of separation and the simultaneous desire to resist that separation. With a mix of raw emotion and fragmented thoughts, the poem seeks to express the complexities of a love that is both transcendent and doomed. The poem’s structure is loose and fluid, reflecting the emotional chaos within the speaker. There is no strict rhyme scheme or meter, which allows the feelings to flow in a more spontaneous, unrestrained manner. This free-verse style contributes to the sense of confusion and distress that permeates the poem. The lack of formal structure mirrors the speaker’s inability to organize their thoughts or feelings in the face of overwhelming emotion. It feels as though the words are tumbling out in a desperate rush, mirroring the heartache that the speaker is enduring.

There is also a sense of repetition in the phrasing that enhances the emotional weight of the poem. For instance, the repetition of "Goodbye" at both the beginning and the end of the piece suggests that despite the attempt at closure, the speaker is never fully able to accept the parting. The phrase “I’ll always be loving you for eternity-infinity” is another example of this repetition, emphasizing the speaker's unwavering love, even in the face of finality.
This poem, Goodbye, Oh god it's not really what's inside, is an emotional exploration of love, loss, and the conflict between personal desire and fate. It captures a moment of intense inner turmoil, where the speaker grapples with the pain of separation and the simultaneous desire to resist that separation. With a mix of raw emotion and fragmented thoughts, the poem seeks to express the complexities of a love that is both transcendent and doomed.

Structure and Form
The poem’s structure is loose and fluid, reflecting the emotional chaos within the speaker. There is no strict rhyme scheme or meter, which allows the feelings to flow in a more spontaneous, unrestrained manner. This free-verse style contributes to the sense of confusion and distress that permeates the poem. The lack of formal structure mirrors the speaker’s inability to organize their thoughts or feelings in the face of overwhelming emotion. It feels as though the words are tumbling out in a desperate rush, mirroring the heartache that the speaker is enduring.

There is also a sense of repetition in the phrasing that enhances the emotional weight of the poem. For instance, the repetition of "Goodbye" at both the beginning and the end of the piece suggests that despite the attempt at closure, the speaker is never fully able to accept the parting. The phrase “I’ll always be loving you for eternity-infinity” is another example of this repetition, emphasizing the speaker's unwavering love, even in the face of finality.

Themes
The poem explores several themes that are universal to human experience: the desire for connection, the inevitability of loss, and the tension between fate and personal will.

Love as Eternal: The poem begins with a contradictory statement — "Goodbye, Oh god it's not really what's inside" — suggesting that, despite outward expressions of separation or departure, the speaker’s true feelings lie somewhere deeper. The heart wants what it wants, regardless of external circumstances. The reference to eternal love, “I’ll always be loving you for eternity-infinity,” conveys a timeless devotion that seems to transcend the physical limitations of time and space. This sense of eternal love becomes an anchor for the speaker, even though they are forced to say goodbye.

Conflict with Fate: The line “I lost from the destiny from the god” hints at a conflict between the speaker’s desires and the forces of fate or destiny. The speaker seems to feel as though they are not in control of the situation, and that something beyond their understanding (perhaps a divine force or an unavoidable twist of fate) has dictated the separation. This struggle against fate — the desire to defy the inevitable and hold on to what cannot be kept — is a central conflict throughout the poem.

Heartbreak and Resignation: The speaker acknowledges the heartache that comes with the realization that their love may not be returned or that circumstances are beyond their control. "But at this point My heart's crying / Denying the fact that you can't be mine" reflects the deep inner denial that often accompanies heartbreak. The use of the heart as a symbol of emotional resistance against rational thought (“denying the fact”) adds a layer of complexity, as it suggests that while the speaker may intellectually understand the loss, emotionally, they are still in denial.

The Role of God or Destiny: The poem's mention of "God" and "destiny" introduces a metaphysical dimension. The speaker feels as though their desires are being thwarted by a higher power. The phrase “I don’t care what the God wants” suggests a sense of rebellion or frustration, as if the speaker is willing to reject divine will in favor of their personal wishes. This creates a tension between human desire and the larger forces at play in the universe.

Imagery and Language
The imagery in the poem is rich but somewhat abstract, leaving much of the interpretation to the reader’s imagination. The phrase “where the music starts / Where the lyrics shout your name” conveys a sense of a deeper emotional resonance, as if the speaker’s love is woven into the fabric of song — a universal and timeless medium for expressing deep emotions. The music metaphor suggests that the speaker’s love for the other person is as powerful and omnipresent as a melody that can never fade.

The line “In the portrait of my memories you are one whose paint” uses visual imagery to evoke a sense of permanence. The loved one is likened to a figure in a portrait, something captured and preserved in the speaker’s mind, even though the person may no longer be physically present. This metaphor adds a poignant sense of longing and nostalgia, emphasizing that even if the relationship is over, the memories will remain.

Tone and Emotional Impact
The tone of the poem is one of sorrow, desperation, and a kind of defeated acceptance. While there is an underlying sense of defiance (particularly in the lines "I don’t care what the God wants"), there is also a sense of inevitability. The speaker seems to be acknowledging the futility of their resistance, yet they continue to yearn and to love despite the circumstances. There is an emotional rawness to the poem that resonates with anyone who has experienced unrequited love, loss, or the crushing weight of fate.

The phrase “Goodbye to you, THE ONE I LOVE THE MOST” at the conclusion of the poem brings everything full circle. The capitalized "THE ONE I LOVE THE MOST" suggests that the speaker’s feelings are not just a passing affection, but a love that is all-encompassing, overwhelming, and deeply painful to relinquish. The finality of the word “Goodbye” contrasts sharply with the intensity of the love expressed throughout the poem, creating a poignant sense of contradiction. In sum, Goodbye, Oh god it's not really what's inside is a raw and poignant meditation on the complexities of love and loss. The speaker’s emotional turbulence is palpable, as they grapple with the tension between desire and destiny, love and separation. The poem speaks to the universal human experience of having to say goodbye to someone who holds a central place in one's heart, even when that goodbye feels wrong or impossible. Through its disjointed structure, emotional depth, and powerful metaphors, the poem captures the agony of loving someone whom you cannot have — a theme that resonates deeply with anyone who has loved with an intensity that cannot be reciprocated or sustained.




arohivelentine says...


thank you soo muchhhh for your review
it means a lot to mee:)



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Tue Nov 12, 2024 10:15 pm
EllieMae wrote a review...



Hi there!!

But forever I never want there to be a day without you

I maybe said it

But somewhere in my heart

Somewhere where the music starts

Where the lyrics shout your name


First of all, I agree with what another commentor said about how there is a lack of a flow. But, I think you really make up for it with the emotions in this poem. Honestly, that might even be the entire thing that you were going for. It seems to be very straightforward, easier to read through, as if we are just going through someone's thoughts. I really like that! I like the simplicity, as well as this music theme, that you use in some of the lines, talking about when music starts, and how these lyrics shout this person's name. To me, interpretation of this poem is that you want to tell someone that you love them and you never want to be without them, but you don't know how to do that.

I don't care what the God wants

But at this point My heart's crying


Here I was sort of confused why you said "the God" instead of just God, as you did, at the beginning of the poem. Also, is there a reason why the word my is capitalized? Besides that, I like the layout of this poem. But, one other thing that I noticed was in this line:

For last, I lost from the destiny from the god

It's forced not want I choose


You say "the god" again, but here you don't capitalize the word God. You also don't capitalize the very first God at the beginning of the poem. I wonder if there is a reason why you were doing this or if they are typos. In my interpretation, it seems like the person who you love maybe someone that you feel like God doesn't want you to be with, so it's adding this level of confusion and anger and resentment as you work towards loving this person. In the end, it seems like you give up loving this person and she used to go with God's will perhaps. I'm really curious to learn more about this relationship and why you would think that God doesn't want you to be with them and why you made this choice. That change felt a little bit sudden to me, since just lines before you were stating that you can't imagine a life without them. Overall, I think you have a really powerful message here and I would love to see this poem expanded on and see more details. Great job and keep writing!

Your friend,
Ellie (:




arohivelentine says...


actually, the grammar mistakes are just typos and this poem is about one sided love that is why first I tell how i love him and at the last I say that I didn't meant that the person I love is like god in that line I meant that - the god hasn't written our name together so even though I love you I lost from him from my destiny and I am letting you go the person I love the most. and yes, thank you for your opinion I'll try to fix the mistakes, thank you



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Mon Nov 11, 2024 11:01 pm
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Star32 says...



Hey! Just wanted to let you know that there's not much of a flow, but I do love the concept. Maybe work on flowing from sentence to sentence rather than just going like everything is separate, not making a complete story. Thanks for maybe listening to me fellow writer :D




arohivelentine says...


oh okie I'll try to fix it btw thank you



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Mon Nov 11, 2024 11:01 pm
Star32 says...






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Mon Nov 11, 2024 11:00 pm
Star32 says...



I accidentally commented multiple times!! Sorry!!! : ((( </3





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